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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To reuse my wedding ring?!

104 replies

ImMissHannigan · 15/02/2018 13:35

Just that really. I had a really short lived marriage about 5 years ago. Still have the lovely platinum wedding band. I paid a lot of money for it at the time but when it came to sell, it only had scrap value of about £60 so I kept hold of it. No emotional attachment to it whatsoever.
I'm getting married again this year and have been looking at wedding bands. The OH doesn't want to wear a ring as he doesn't wear jewellery. So it's just for me. I'm looking at paying the same all over again for a ring that I already have in the drawer. WIBU to send it away to be polished and to reuse it? Part of me says absolutely not and the other part says it's just a piece of metal. So wise ladies of Mumsnet, what do you think? If it's of any relevance, we are over budget by about £2k at the moment so could do with cutting corners where we can.

OP posts:
theunsure · 15/02/2018 14:09

I couldn't.
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it - but my wedding ring means a lot to me. If I married someone else the ring would be too much of a reminder of the vows I made to DH. So I'd want a new ring.

I'm not that sentimental either but my wedding ring (only very plain platinum, but engraved inside) is very symbolic and very different to other jewellery for me. And this is from a person who eloped with no guests and isn't at all fussed about anything remotely "wedding-y".

BoredOnMatLeave · 15/02/2018 14:10

Providing you fiance is fine with it I would reuse and as PP said get it engraved. I wouldn't tell anyone else though

CruCru · 15/02/2018 14:10

Reuse it. Making new jewellery is quite hard on the environment. Buying a new ring is wasteful.

I like the idea of getting it engraved with the new wedding date.

KateGrey · 15/02/2018 14:11

What does your to be husband think? I’d probably just re-use and engrave especially if you like it. Or just not tell him it’s your old one. I don’t wear mine now as my fingers got too fat after three kids. Rings don’t make a marriage.

Marriageoftrueminds · 15/02/2018 14:11

I would definitely reuse it. It’s a lump of metal, a blank canvass waiting to be assigned a meaning, it’s totally up to you what that meaning is. Anyway, you don’t have to tell anyone so who will judge?!

I used my grandmother’s wedding ring but it needed major repairs shortly after the wedding and it was too expensive for a while so I bought a cheap (£60-odd) basic gold band from a high street jewellers to wear for a year or so until we could afford the repair. I worried that I would feel ‘weird’ or ‘different’ because it was just a ring I picked up, not the one DH put on my finger. But I didn’t at all, it came to be ‘my wedding ring’ in my head and I actually had a pang of regret when I swapped them back! I know it’s a bit different but what I’m trying to say is, you decide what is a suitable/desirable ring to wear for yourself; no one else’s opinion matters. just go with your gut.

Deshasafraisy · 15/02/2018 14:12

What does your future DH think? You obviously don’t connect it to the ex but would he?

MyKingdomForBrie · 15/02/2018 14:13

Tricky! It is both just a lump of metal and a symbol.

I would err on the side of reusing because my engagement ring is made up of three stones which were in my DH’s grandmother’s engagement ring and which he had already proposed to his previous fiancée with.. she have it back when they split (nice girl, don’t think I would have Grin) he had them reset for my ring.

So clearly I don’t mind the history of a piece! I think it’s all part of the tapestry of our lives. She is part of who he is and their time together was a big part of his 20s. No need to wipe it from the slate.

YearOfYouRemember · 15/02/2018 14:13

If your husband to be is fine with you reusing it then that's fine. If he's against it then I feel you should respect his wishes. If he doesn't mind, and you don't, then no one has the right to tell you no.

blackteasplease · 15/02/2018 14:13

I think I would just do without one. I probably would if I remarried anyway.

MyKingdomForBrie · 15/02/2018 14:13

*gave

yrhengi · 15/02/2018 14:15

I think there's a big difference between reusing a family ring from a generation or two ago, and a ring that was used in a wedding ceremony just five years previously. If cost is an issue, is there a family ring that can be used?

I guess much depends on how your DH to be feels but I know mine would feel the ghostly presence of his predecessor hovering over his shoulder, knowing where the ring had come from!

Ginkypig · 15/02/2018 14:15

I think what you mean is that it means nothing to you now but I assume it will once it is attached to your new marriage it will?

My opinion is that if you'd bought it 2nd hand you would never know its history or if it was attached to a failed marriage, to you it would be a symbol of your love so why does knowing its history or knowing it was used in a previous failed marriage matter although I do understand why it's complicated by the fact it is your history and your past marriage.

I'd just get the inside engraved and use it!

billybagpuss · 15/02/2018 14:16

I couldn't do it, but I do like the idea of melting it down and redesigning it. There are 'design your own ring' companies which might be worth contacting to see if they can give you a price to provide your own material.

Definitely see what new DH thinks.

Original poster
ImMissHannigan · 15/02/2018 14:22

Thanks everyone. Yes when I say no emotional attachment I mean to the ring as it stands now. My daughter wore it for a while when she was into wearing jewellery. Then it's just been sat in a draw. If I were to reuse it then I like the idea of setting some stones or engraving it. And like a PP said, if I bought it second hand I wouldn't know the history of it. For those asking what H2B is thinking, I haven't mentioned it but know he wouldn't mind. That is no reflection of his feelings for me, just that he is the practical type and wouldn't assign emotions or history to something as simple as a ring. I am literally looking at identical styles. I like simple. Seems silly to not really.

OP posts:
MacaroniPenguin · 15/02/2018 14:25

I don't think I could reuse it, I'd rather have a much more basic ring from elsewhere. Doesn't need to be platinum.

It's all very well saying it's just a bit of metal but the whole point of the ring is the symbolism, and IMO it should be a gift from your DH to you, not something you had in the drawer anyway.

Ubercornsdiscoball · 15/02/2018 14:28

You need to discuss it with your fiancé but I would say no way. I wouldn’t be happy the other way around.

Mummaofboys · 15/02/2018 14:28

Oh yes reuse it, if it’s strange why not get something engraved inside or get a few diamonds added?

MitchellMummy · 15/02/2018 14:29

I think you've decided ... but I would get new. Apart from marriage licence & official stuff it's the only part of the day that you see every day, whereas the dress, suit, food, drink & photos are only usually seen/worn/consumed on the day. We had a very small wedding but didn't scrimp on the jewellery - not massively expensive but had what we wanted. Congratulations BTW!

FlippingFoal · 15/02/2018 14:30

I think it is weird for your new husband to use a ring that was put on your finger by another man already.

CruCru · 15/02/2018 14:31

The thing is, while I like the idea of adding a couple of small diamonds, if the wedding is already over budget then that probably won't be necessary.

pingupanini · 15/02/2018 14:32

I think you shouldn't assume he wouldn't care without asking him. Might make things a heck of a lot easier if you do.

A) he doesn't care... and you think it's ok so you do
B) he actually tells you no way in hell can he accept you using that ring and therefore you don't

?

Bluntness100 · 15/02/2018 14:33

I couldn't do it no. A wedding ring has more significance for me than a piece of metal. If that's all it was why wear one, is it just to indicate to others you're married?

I'm genuinely surprised so many people attach so little significance and would wear the same ring again in a different marriage,

JakeBallardswife · 15/02/2018 14:34

Reuse it, clean it make it all shiny. Job done, and congratulations!

OverwhelminglyCrap · 15/02/2018 14:36

I give you this ring as a sign of our marriage....

Except it's really not. Your ex gave you it as a sign of that marriage.

Symbolically it couldn't be more wrong.

gnushoes · 15/02/2018 14:38

Reuse it - doesn't sound like your last marriage was particularly traumatic - just not right - so why not? Seems bonkers not to. I've got a secondhand engagement ring and I have no idea what happened to its first owner but it has never troubled me.
Plus it's all symbolic so if it doesn't bother you that's perfectly OK.
Have a lovely wedding :)

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