AIBU to have told the truth?

[PeapodBurgundy]

A friends of mine is planning a surprise wedding for his other half (they're engaged, but she's worried about finances, so she thinks they should wait, he's trying to put together something low budget but still what they wanted together as a surprise for her).
He asked me for my opinion on making it child free but for their own offspring. My opinion is that if you want a child free wedding, fine, so long as you don't get stroppy with the people who choose not to come on account of that fact. I said that I for example wouldn't attend, as I'm breastfeeding DS, and have another DC on the way, who will likely either be solo or tandem feeding by the time the wedding comes about. I said I'd still send a gift, and that DP would attend though, so I made it clear I wasn't throwing my toys out of the pram, simply that it's not possible for me to attend (I've never responded well to a pump so expressing isn't a practical option for me).
He's completely flown off the handle, and said I'm selfish, and expect my kid(s) to come before everyone else (if anything I go the other way and miss out on things so DS isn't causing a PITA to anyone. He's pretty much the centre of my world, but I don't expect him to be that to anyone else at all, why would he be?). I gave an honest answer to a question I was asked. Was I inadvertently rude? Should I not have said anything? Hormonal at the moment so I'm finding it hard to judge. Opinions please ladies?

It really depends on how well brought up the children are, some children are an absolute delight at weddings, the less well behaved ones spoil it for everyone. Sometimes it is nicer for the parents not to bring them along if their behaviour is not reliable and the parents cannot relax and enjoy themselves.

Both your friend’s dp and you seem to think she’ll be happy about a surprise wedding so I wouldn’t worry about too much. Not everyone is over the top about their wedding despite what a lot of people think. You and the groom to be are in a better position than anyone on here to know her likes and dislikes. Just be mindful that if she’s on maternity that she still actually fits in her dress or it may need alterations to fit well. Would be a shame to have a lovely dress that doesn’t fit properly.
As for the actual question you asked, you’ve given him your opinion. Whether he likes it on not, those are the facts when it comes to a child free wedding. Some parents will love the opportunity for a childfree day, some will hate it and decline the offer.

I'm stuck at "engagement cake". Why didn't I get one of those?

'I'm stuck at "engagement cake". Why didn't I get one of those?'

Cooked by someone else! For free, because you needed it as a favour/gift. The pair of them sound like entitled CFers, but hey, they've obviously found their marks.

I honestly didn't find it cheeky. He asked politely if I would be willing, made it clear there was no pressure, but he'd be grateful if I could help out. He didn't ask for free, he asked for cost price, I offered free as it won't cost more in materials than I'd have spent on a gift for them, and choosing a wedding gift for people who are already living together with 2 children can be tricky.

But you also said the photographer was a friend. Are they doing it for cost price? Do you know how much a wedding photographer costs? This is majorly CF territory – he is saying to this friend (1) hey we don’t want you to be a guest at our wedding, we want you to work; and (2) we’d also like you to give us a gift worth several thousand pounds.

Fucking arsehole.

My OH is doing the photography. He's not a professional, but he's done weddings for friends before and not charged. He's only photographing them arriving at the venue, and shots of the bridal party after, so the rest of the time he'll be a regular guest for want of a better phrase.

Her Mam made her a cake for their engagement party, I really don't see how that's a CF thing? She's not a professional cake maker, so it's not like they're taking up diary space that could be filled by a paying customer. She obviously doesn't mind, or she wouldn't keep offering to make cakes for them.

It's obvious you're very happy with this CF for a mate who then has a go at you for not kowtowing to his demands and leave your kids, like where, to attend their mock-wedding when you have a newborn. So hey, knock yourself out, do the photography, do all the centre pieces, hey, throw in a cash gift, too, whilst you're at home with your children. He sounds like a dick. He's also an idiot for not having checked out how you can even legally get married, they can't even legally do this without telling the bride about his surprise that comes at the expense of everyone else.

We were invited to a wedding, child free when my twins were less than one. The wedding was more than 250 miles away from where we, and the bride and groom live, so we would have needed to stay overnight. The bride didn't speak to me for a very long time because we couldn't come.

This poster isn't for real.You cannot have a surprise wedding in the UK

RTFT 5Plus, we've been here already. Several times.