Have I done the right thing?

[confusedhelpme]

In my 40’s, 1x DC7, NC with DC’s Father since pregnant. I work full time.

I met the most amazing man a year ago, he is truly great in every way. He lives 1.5hrs away and works away a lot (which is fine as this has always been the case). We spend a lot of time together and we get on well.

We agreed to buy a house together. I stated I would move to where he lives, meaning I would leave my friends, family and support network, I looked at every option possible, childcare, schools and emergency childcare etc. I have felt very uneasy about this but felt it was the right way forward.

I am financially comfortable where I am now. No commute, good support network around me for childcare.

I got cold feet with regards to the finances. I will financially be worse off due to commute, mortgage increase and additional childcare. Whilst I can still afford that I don’t see that it’s the right move for us at THIS TIME. In a years’ time I’ll be in a different financial position (due to bonus/pay increase) We also didn’t get offered the amount we needed on mortgage, we would have to borrow the rest which I don’t feel comfortable with, there is a reason a mortgage company only offers a set amount – due to affordability. Why MAX ourselves and add pressure?

He is beyond choked and disappointed. I feel he’s “blaming” me for not getting this particular property, or is that my guilt?

Have I done the right thing? AIBU for getting cold feet? I fear I will now lose him now

He's blaming you? For the fact, you both, together, can't get this mortgage?

Or you'd be worse off. And thus are worried?

How is this your fault. It's worrying that he's blaming you, so early on, for what seems like a general problem.

What exactly is he blaming you For?

You did the right thing. It had really only been a year. But you had a good time while it lasted. On wards and upwards, you will get past this :)

Dumped by text?

Poor DS hope he feels better soon. Glad you have family close who can help while you have to work

Wow OP!! You dodged a bullet there.

This man was never out for your best interests and your gut was screaming at you to get yourself out of the situation.

Well done for being brave, you have saved yourself and your family a lot of pain in the long run.

The dumping by text confirms everything you need to know. Please toast yourself during a quiet moment today. There is no doubt now that you did the right thing.

He has inadvertently done you a favour with this text. Were the relationship to go on for a few more months and gradually crumble whilst you both tried to work at it then you’d always wonder if you did the right thing. Instead he’s shown his true colours. Selfish cruel and callous. He might even be trying to blackmail you (if you don’t buy a house with me I’m going to dump you). Whatever he is doing you are well out of there!

I hope your DS is feeling better this morning.

You know you'd have been completely stuck had you gone against your gut and moved. Imagine him getting another sick bug when you have no back up, no parents within easy driving distance, a DH that will leave you to it as he goes to his job because it's not his kid and you're not married... although he wanted you to stump up for his dream house of course.

You.dodged.a.bullet.

x

Well done, OP. Happy Valentine’s Day! Celebrate your independence I’ve bought you some

Hope DS feels better soon. Our DC must come first, and finding a partner who can commit to that idea is vital. Moving away and risking your finances wouldn’t have been best for your DS. Your ex wanted you to put his wishes before what’s best for your child. No.

You did well.