Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just seen engagement ring in joint amazon account..... AIBU?????

111 replies

WhoAteMyCandy · 12/02/2018 16:57

As the title says the bf has ordered a engagement ring off of amazon. AIBU to think hes put no thought into it?? I think he has forgotten its valentines day soon and buying a ring is the first idea that popped into his head. Its a very over priced cheap looking ring , that that I would expect or even want a expensive one. I know that he want to get married at some point but ive never personally wanted to get married. We have been together nearly five years and have a son who is close to turning four.

Tbf I would rather have a baby than a wedding Grin

OP posts:
Notasunnybunny · 12/02/2018 18:01

Marriage Is not not just about being committed to the relationship, if one of you were to die it makes thing much simpler for the surviving partner and the child/children. My friend ‘never felt the need to marry’ but wanted to get wills etc sorted. The solicitor told them they could spend a lot getting something drawn up but that still wouldn’t be as good as if they just went to a registry office one lunch break and got married for a fraction of the price. It would cover everything they wanted and more.

KarmaStar · 12/02/2018 18:01

Your question was whether you were bu because you didn't like the fact he had bought a ring from Amazon.
Yes you are.ok,it showing up on your joint account was not ideal but it doesn't mean at all that he hasn't thought about it,he could have searched for ages for the right ring.
Give him the benefit of the doubt and see what happens.at least you have time to consider your options,you're not put on the spot.
Hope it works out well for you all

Strokethefurrywall · 12/02/2018 18:05

My husband could of proposed with a cock ring and I’d have been over the moon.

What low standards you've set for yourself Hmm

CalleighDoodle · 12/02/2018 18:06

the cock ring comment blew me away. I wouldnt have accepted a cock ring btw. not because im materialistic and would want some sort of bling ring, but because it would tell me what he actually thought about me. low priority.

people who dont understand women having a child without the commitment of marriage, what about those married men who leave their wives. worst still their SAH unemployed sacrificed their career wives? i never understand those myself. makes far more sense to remain unmarried and financially secure for yourself, than get married and throw your own future away. of course im projecting as i dont know if the op does still have a career. or whether rosy or justvent have kept their careers or just became handmaidens.

AlrightBabby · 12/02/2018 18:15

Christ alive, the humour police are in!

Notasunnybunny · 12/02/2018 18:15

Doodle, you might be financially independent but chances are you’ll have a joint home and that can be tricky if he gets hit by a bus. The last thing you need having lost your best friend and father of your children is the additional stress because you weren’t married and you aren’t next of kin

Lucymek · 12/02/2018 18:16

Today 17:27 Passmethecakeplease

don't have a baby without getting married

Why ?

LaGattaNera · 12/02/2018 18:17

The cockring comment made me lol and I found it very funny Grin and clever - totally understood what the poster meant.

DoJo · 12/02/2018 18:17

people who dont understand women having a child without the commitment of marriage, what about those married men who leave their wives. worst still their SAH unemployed sacrificed their career wives

But in those situations, the women are protected by the legal contract of marriage - in an unmarried couple, either party can waltz out just as easily, but with all their own assets and leaving nothing (except the hope of child maintenance) for their partner. Married couples have marital assets that must be distributed - it's not about protecting yourself from being left, but ensuring your position is as stable as possible if your partner does leave.

There are also a host of benefits to marriage that are only applicable if one spouse is ill or dies, including being next of kin and being able to make decisions about care and funeral arrangements and benefiting from the lack of inheritance tax. It's not about emotional commitment, it's a legal framework designed to unite two people as decision-making entity.

MyKingdomForBrie · 12/02/2018 18:18

‘Have kept their careers or just became hamdmaidens’

WHY CANT WE ALL JUST MAKE OUR OWN CHOICES WITHOUT JUDGING OTHERS!

Ohh my god this attitude pisses me off so much. I had a ‘career’; fucking hated it. Made a bad choice, got a few years in, decided, screw this, I’ll have babies for a few years, chill out at home and look after them then when I’m ready I’ll start fresh, hopefully wiser in my career choice. My DH is happy with this.

Why am I now a handmaiden?!? I’m a grown woman who made my own informed decision.

Bloomed · 12/02/2018 18:18

Did you talk about whether he was going to propose?

Notasunnybunny · 12/02/2018 18:19

Dojo said it much better than me

PurpleTraitor · 12/02/2018 18:21

Waltzing out easily is a massive benefit. Ask anyone going through a shitty, expensive and prolonged divorce. Not sure why it’s even remotely relevant here of course.

OP, glad he’s returned it.

Also, cockring Grin Awesome.

Tinkerbec · 12/02/2018 18:24

There are also a host of benefits to marriage that are only applicable if one spouse is ill or dies, including being next of kin and being able to make decisions about care and funeral arrangements and benefiting from the lack of inheritance tax. It's not about emotional commitment, it's a legal framework designed to unite two people as decision-making entity.

It’s sad that its just not out of love but I guess this is the world we live in.

Blackteadrinker77 · 12/02/2018 18:30

Tell him you want a baby for valentines and you need to practise.

ZanyMobster · 12/02/2018 18:33

Justvent - I love that, I knew exactly what you meant and Hmm to the posters slating that comment, it might have been fun to have been proposed to with a cockring Wink. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with DH and I loved the ring he chose just because he put a lot of thought into picking it and also the proposal. It is a lovely ring also.

I think you should have a proper chat with your partner, if you are on completely different pages then you need to sort it TBH.

Notasunnybunny · 12/02/2018 18:35

Tinkerbel - I love my husband very much, that’s why I have built a life with him. If something awful happened I’d be devastated but not as much as if the children and I were facing having to leave our home as well - it’s not all hearts and flowers no, there is an important practical function to marriage but it starts with love.

WeAllHaveWings · 12/02/2018 18:37

My husband could of proposed with a cock ring and I’d have been over the moon.

What low standards you've set for yourself Hmm

Amazing how people read things so differently, I would have read that as someone who has their priorities right and a ring rightfully doesn't really matter.

JustPutSomeGlitterOnIt · 12/02/2018 18:39

tenancy GrinGrinGrin

OP I hear ya. And kudos for doing what so many people on here don't seem to (sometimes!) and just being straight with your man!

Sweet that he thought you'd like it Grin
Glad it all worked out fine.

DoJo · 12/02/2018 18:39

It’s sad that its just not out of love but I guess this is the world we live in.

Marriage has never really been about love - it's always been a legal contract which is usually entered into by couples. You can be perfectly happily in love without getting married, and there are plenty of married couples who wouldn't describe themselves as being in love. The love part only really comes into it when deciding on whom you want to commit to raising children, confer the rights to decide how your medical care should be managed, what to do with your remains etc

woodhill · 12/02/2018 18:39

My dh bought a cheap cracker ring to gauge my reaction before we got engaged.

LifeBeginsAtGin · 12/02/2018 18:41

not a ring from a bespoke jewellers

Yep, nothing says I love you like Amazon.

GottadoitGottadoit · 12/02/2018 18:42

But then, I wanted a marriage and commitment not a ring from a bespoke jewellers

Very smug.

Strokethefurrywall · 12/02/2018 18:46

The cockring comment made me lol and I found it very funny grin and clever - totally understood what the poster meant.

Yeah, I got it too - I just thought it wasn't a particularly imaginative way to bash the OP that only the truly worthy are happy to get engaged with a crappy engagement ring and that if you "really really really" loved your husband to be, you'd be happy with shit out of a cracker.

HotelEuphoria · 12/02/2018 18:50

You did right OP. I was not really that bothered about getting married but did it for the (financial) security and because we wanted children all with the same name. Not because I wanted an engagement ring. 24 years later I still don't have an engagement ring. What even is an engagement in this day and age?

I do however have three wedding rings because I get bored easily and our financial circumstances mean we could afford a better one each time 😀

Swipe left for the next trending thread