If you had money to burn, would you use a surrogate?

[Hippiesip]

Say you're having difficulty TTC a second or third child, would you pay for an American surrogate if you simply didn't want to wait/go through the pregnancy?

I think I would. I loved creating my son but pregnancy was extremely difficult for me mentally and emotionally. I would rather not doing it again, but still growing our family.

The comparison with prostitution is a judgement on those who are paying for the use of a woman's body (be it for sex or reproduction)...rather than a judgement on surrogates or prostitutes.

Please

It's true. And it is a judgement on the buyers.

MrsMaxwell the comparison of surrogacy to prostitution is I would assume not intended as a judgemental comment of the woman but highlighting the similarities in terms of feeling entitled to buy access to a woman's body to fulfill the wants of the purchaser. It would seem to apply in the case of a commercial surrogacy arrangement, particularly as regards someone from a wealthy country using a surrogate whonis from a more deprived background with limited options and is a valid comparison, in my opinion, although I wasn't the one who referred to it earlier.

My “buyers” were my best friend who I had known since I was 3 years old who was born without a womb and her husband, and they didn’t “buy” me.

Do please fuck off

That i don't think it's all that odd, even outside of surrogacy. I know so many women who miss the feeling of being pregnant once their DC are born. I think what stops many is knowing they will have to cater for another newborn!

You don't think it's at all questionable that someone who has just handed over a child they carried for another person was then desperate to be pregnant again just one week later? To me that is very concerning.

Wow.
I’m a surrogate. A traditional one.
At no point did I ever feel I was giving my baby up, I was giving THEIR baby back. No one was buying access to my body!

There are astonishing misconceptions about surrogacy, we don’t keep the babies-despite the few (often old) articles about con women surrogates -hundreds of babies a year in the U.K. are born through surrogacy.
We don’t sleep with the intended father, a gestational surrogate goes through ivf, a traditional one uses Home insemination.
Surrogates in the uk are not paid, we receive reasonable expenses.

Comparing a surrogate to a whore or a prostitute is uncalled for, surrogacy is neither seedy, sexual or underhand or illegal. I would go as far as say that someone with that opinion has jealously issues, jealous that a women can grow a human being for another person and have no problem giving that baby back to its parents at birth, takes a special kind of person.

None of us who think that buying access to a woman's body is morally repugnant are jealous of anything at all.

But eh, if you want to believe yourself special over all of us jelly people who think women's bodies aren't commodities, please go ahead and be as special as you can believe you are.

makingmiracles you seem to have misunderstood what posters are actually saying. No one implied that surrogates kept babies or slept with fathers. Also the UK system is very different to that in many other countries and it is in those countries where many of the major ethical issues that can surround surrogacy are a significant issues.

No. But I’m weird. I want another purely because I love that feeling of having given birth. I won’t, don’t worry.

I don't think surrogacy is too different from prostitution really when money is involved as you are either buying use of the vagina or the uterus to service the needs of the buyer. True altruistic surrogacy I suppose isn't the same as prostitution as it doesn't involve money. Just like sex without money isn't prostitution.

making for a woman in the uk who does it purely for anothers benefit, with no personal gain beyond the sense of achievement in helping others, then I agree it isn't seedy or about buying women.

But that doesn't mean the same applies to paying more than expenses or outside the uk.

Like donating a kidney for nothing but altruism is morally a world away from buying one.

I was going to say that many of the issues stemming from prostituom result from the power imbalance and trajectory of abuse from commodification of women’s bodies, but then many surrogacy cases suffer from the same issues.

An American is a good choice for a surrogate though as long as her ass stays in America.

Charming. What a lovely and respectful attitude to take to someone whose body you'd be happy to use to fulfill a personal desire.

Ok point taken. I agree that surrogacy abroad is highly exploitative and not something we within the U.K. surrogacy community agree with or endorse, American commercial surrogacy cannot be put on the same par as surrogacy in other countries as they have strict criteria about who can be a surrogate-eg in America a surrogate must be self supporting, not on food stamps or Medicaid or receive any government assistance, they also tend to be paid a fairly substantial amount for being a surrogate. In poorer countries it is often highly exploitetive and poor women are recruited and often kept in group homes away from their families and children for the duration of the pregnancy. It’s not something any of us agree with at all and anyone considering surrogacy in countries other than U.K. or USA are naive at best to proceed given how recently countries have changed their laws on surrogacy and people have been left in legal limbo not being able to bring the baby back to the uk.

In response to a poster further upthread, a parental order is applied for through the family courts, 6weeks after the birth and before the baby is 6 Months, after the PO is complete, the surrogate relinquishes her parental rights and the intended parents names go on the new birth certificate, a copy of the original is always kept on file.

in America a surrogate must be self supporting, not on food stamps or Medicaid or receive any government assistance, they also tend to be paid a fairly substantial amount for being a surrogate.

I have a problem with any form of commercial surrogacy, even in America. While it is somewhat regulated, any system that allows significant payments (and if argue that $20-30k is significant) acts as a financial incentive and means that those who choose to be surrogates are not doing so for altruistic reasons but economic ones. I've heard of cases of SAHM doing it as it's the only way they can stay home with their kids etc and while some might say 'so what' I think where significant amounts of money change hands the potential for exploitation is always there.

No. Being able to conceive and carry a child you can keep and love is a privilege.

No, because women's wombs aren't there for people to rent out as they see fit and it only serves to take advantage of vulnerable women

I wouldn’t, but assuming it’s an entirely voluntary arrangement a woman has entered into of her own free will, I have no issues with it

No, because women's wombs aren't there for people to rent out as they see fit and it only serves to take advantage of vulnerable women

So the women on this thread who have been altruistic surrogates, entered into willingly and voluntarily, where no money beyond expenses changed hands, are they vulnerable and have been exploited? Have you been a surrogate to know from personal experience? As the women on this thread who actually are these women have expressed otherwise.

escalated yy re any commercial surrogacy. Not qualifying for state support doesn't make you any more financially stable than it does here.

banana imo if it's altruistic nobody is renting a womb, so none of those statements are relevant to the surrogates who have posted here.

It's actually not the biggest killer of women worldwide, heart disease is.

287,000 women die from pregnancy/birth every year but 99% of them are in developing countries.

Makingmiracles
But you weren't giving the baby back to it's parents.
You were giving some people your baby.

Yes I would. Pregnancy is horrible!

As for the ethical issues. I wouldn't use a surrogate from India or similar as I believe they are exploited. As for whether paid surrogates in the USA are exploited, I'm in two minds honestly. A documentary I watched about UK surrogacy made it seem quite positive. If it's a women's free choice then I think she should be allowed, and I think she should get paid for her work. I feel altruistic surrogacy is in some ways more exploitative for this reason.

Yes, that women could suffer health impacts or in rare cases die. But then why allow people to join the army and send them to war? Many have died or returned with bits blown off. It's not as simple as saying well that's for an important reason/our freedom as the reasons for sending them are often spurious (imo).

In fact many people risk their health daily for a job - security, prison guards, builders, athletes, race car drivers, jockeys, nurses, removalists, doctors, police, journalists and miners.

banana my post was in relation to 'buying' surrogates. It's not legal in this country beyond about £750 and there's good reasons for that. That is very different from a loved one volunteering to be a surrogate for 'free', but that's not what the OP asked

fact many people risk their health daily for a job - security, prison guards, builders, athletes, race car drivers, jockeys, nurses, removalists, doctors, police, journalists and miners.

One very practical thought that springs to mind is that most of those are employments and will usually attract decent life cover.