Mother in Law Holiday

[Starlive22]

Hello ladies!
Just wondering what other people's opinions on this...
Expecting our first baby on 24th March!!
Basically, to cut a long story short my MIL had planned a holiday to Spain on 10th - 20th March. Which she booked after she knew we were expecting.

We are currently under consultant care as I've had a few problems during the pregnancy, one of which being polyhydramnios (too much fluid) and it shows no sign of going away at the moment. Baby is measuring very large (95%) and so there has been talk of inducing\ c section early, though nothing definite at the mo.

Basically if MIL goes on holiday there is a good chance she will miss baby's arrival. It's their first grandchild, though as she has said she would be upset if she missed it, she hadn't mentioned not going, in fact she's confirmed she isn't changing her plans. She goes to this villa with her cousins every year, so not like a once in a lifetime holiday.

Don't know if I'm just being hormonal but feeling sad about this. My mum will be here, but of course I want MIL here for my husband. She might regret it later.

Sorry it's so long! I can really ramble on!

It’s not like OP has refused to consider the fact that she’s taking it too seriously, so the harsh opinions are unnecessary.

I do feel a bit sad for dp that his parents don’t want to be there for him, but he is used to a different dynamic so I think he’s actually fine. Ultimately, I doubt anything can make this less special for you, so just enjoy it, and know that you don’t have to go out of your way to organise things around what suits her.

I’m expecting my first DGC in 3 weeks. The due date is two days after Grandad-to-be and I get back from a planned holiday. I’d be surprised and hurt if my DS and DDiL thought that our going on holiday is a sign that we’re not interested in their baby, our first grandchild. We’re very excited and fingers crossed the baby doesn’t come early, but if it does, at the very most it will be a week old by the time we get back and I just don’t see why that would matter.

Ok ok maybe I was naive about the colleagues thing, but as many have said, I really do get exited for nice things to happen to people I care about. I don't mean to be self obsessed or anything like that. I just wanted MIL to be around just to kind of show she was excited too, I know my husband feels a bit down about it.

I'm sure when the baby comes she will make a lovely grandmother and hope it will bring my husband a bit closer with her.

To be totally honest, I'm not actually that bothered myself that she might not be there. It's more for my husband but yeah I guess I might have a lot more on my mind at the time, and maybe this will be the least of my thoughts! I hope so! The pregnancy has been a rollercoaster to say the least and I'll just be happy the baby gets here safe and sound.

@BustopherJones our families and in laws sound really similar! X

@speakout I didn't say she was interfering, I said she was respectful of our space. She's more the type to take herself out of a situation and then complain later she wasn't involved. Just didn't want that to be the case here.

I realise I took it a bit too seriously. I know not everyone is as excited as me!

I just wanted MIL to be around just to kind of show she was excited too, I know my husband feels a bit down about it.

OK, fine. But exactly what would you expect her actual role to be? To be excited yet not come to the hospital after the birth and to stay mostly away in the early days because you 'only want your own mum' around? Or would you want her to be a full participant in caring for you and the new baby?

If I knew or felt that my DiL didn't want me at the hospital and/or only wanted me to drop by for a few minutes here and there after she and the baby get home, I probably wouldn't cancel my holiday either.

It's more for my husband you e change your reason again. I think it’s becayse you’re just trying to explaining it away.

You e gone from feeling like she doesn’t care to feeling she’s left out and now that it’s because your husband is upset.

I think you need to stop giving excuses for this. She may well be there when the baby arrives. You need to just accept that you’re pverthinkong it and keeping on at it and looking for reasons it’s an issue is just creating a problem where there doesn’t need to be one.

Typo city! Sorry x

Oh gosh I'd be relieved! Actually my MiLrstber sweetly stayed away deliberately when DC1 was born. She said it was my mum's first grandchild and she ought to see DC first.
And honestly all o wanted was for me, baby and daddy to be together

My elective C-section was at 37 weeks. It really depends which part of the UK you are in.
Some are 39/40.

I wish my mother in law had been out the country when our first child arrived, wow you're lucky!

When we found out we were expecting our second child my parent's had a holiday booked for the week after the due date. They decided to move it by 2 weeks so they wouldn't miss the baby arriving. If they hadn't I wouldn't have cared to be honest.

My in laws thought our second child was due 2/3 weeks later than it was. They were ott (long story) with the first baby so I wanted to avoid the same thing with our second baby. In the end they were away when I had the baby a week early, so quite a bit earlier than they anticipated! They met the baby when he was about a week old, it was heaven not having them in our face's that week. If we have another I hope they're on holiday again !

Also DD was measuring big (97% head) so they told me I would need to book in an induction. I booked it in but the soonest they could do was 9 days after my due date.

When DD came out in that day of her own accord she was bang on average and 7lb 7 to boot.

Some of these replies are a bit unnecessary, really, yes I do think she isn't that bothered, she's not as excited as I'd have liked her to be, and it's a shame as it's my husband who feels shit about it, not me. My mum and sister are well excited and I wish my husband had that a bit more from his side.

And yes, she will undoubtably say she feels left out as she says it in every situation, with her family, friends etc. It's all of those reasons @MiddleClassProblem and a post on MN is a snapshot, all the information isn't available.

I'm not trying to explain it away and I can see now how unreasonable I'm being so no need for the crappy comments

I'm not trying to create an issue. I said to my husband I'd post it on here, see what the consensus was. Have shown him all the comments so we have been able to see we were being a bit selfish. I'm not perfect, that's why I asked in the first place.

Crappy comment? Really? Do you mean because I filled it with typos? I’m not sure what I said that was so offensive.

I'd be surprised if ELCS is offered for macrosomia/polyhydramnios, unless you're absolutely tiny yourself and they suspect cephalo-pelvic dysproportion (which is VERY rare). Induction might be offered a little early, but in the Trust I work in, and the Trusts I had my babies in it'd be discouraged.

However you have your baby, you'll probably be glad of not having your MIL around too much in those very early days when you're feeling like a train wreck

My elective cs was at 37 weeks so you may actually have had baby by time she goes on hols!
In any case and your mil is only going on holiday, it's not like she's emigrating and won't see your dc for months, I'm sure once she's back from hols she'll be pleased to see you all

IT is an exciting time for your family but TBH your MIL has had her own children. The inital birth bit will be less exciting than being their granny long term I expect.
I would also be a bit careful of your expectations too. It's a wonderful experience but also pretty traumatic. There will be many times you will alone in the dark with a crying baby, regardless of how excited or supportive partners and family are.

@PinguForPresident I'm not really sure at the moment, the consultant has written in my notes that we would discuss c section/ early induction at 36 weeks which will be the week after next. I'm a bit nervous about the whole thing to be honest and not sure what to expect. I'm measuring 43 weeks at 33 so maybe it is being mentioned because the Dr said as the baby is transverse (hope that's correct term) and there is a chance of waters breaking and cord prolapse. Not sure what is going to happen so am just waiting to see her again at the min but am being scanned weekly to monitor fluid which is now at 14cm for the single deepest pool.

Hope that all makes sense, I'm a total newbie to all this and just hoping it all goes well! I'll go along with whatever the Drs see as the best idea!

Hoping my waters don't break early!

@BrimFire guess you are right, I think I've been so nervous just for the baby to get here safe and sound I've not really given as much thought as I should to the 'after' part. I've got a lot of support around me so hoping I can manage. Obviously I'm really nervous but I suppose that's natural being a FTM 😊

I thought her reaction to the birth is fine, it's much more preferable than a controlling & interfering MIL. Not everybody will react the same way to your baby, that's ok.

MIL was away the weekend we had the DT (planned csection) no probs. She threatened to come and 'help' for a few weeks post birth (we live abroad) Thankfully DH was able to put tactfully no thanks. Be grateful.

Generally, posts about pils visiting a newborn baby are how to stop them visiting too soon. And staying for a short a time as possible.
And it's usually down to the dh to keep them at bay for a few days or weeks.

This one's pretty novel!

I think a lot of people nowadays have far-flung families so it's not unusual for gps not to see their gc until they are a few weeks, if not a few months, old. I think it's not really a big deal at all and OP sounds like she's beginning to see this. Hope it all goes well.

Both my MILs (divorced parents) are on holiday around the birth plan of our soon to be first baby. I couldn't care less to be honest! Baby will still be there when they get back and they don't do much in those first few weeks! I'll almost certainly be glad of the peace!

Crikey I hadn't really thought of it that way, suppose I will be glad of the time to ourselves.

I am realising I seem to be in quite a lucky minority to have a non-interfering MIL! I shall enjoy my peace and count myself lucky she isn't offering to stay with us!!!!

My parents visited at about Day 6 and Ils a week or so later. I think they all thought we would have our hands full for the first few days. I didn't think it was odd at all. They have their lives to lead. That was DC1 ... different circs for the others.