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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother in Law Holiday

115 replies

Starlive22 · 11/02/2018 13:08

Hello ladies!
Just wondering what other people's opinions on this...
Expecting our first baby on 24th March!!
Basically, to cut a long story short my MIL had planned a holiday to Spain on 10th - 20th March. Which she booked after she knew we were expecting.

We are currently under consultant care as I've had a few problems during the pregnancy, one of which being polyhydramnios (too much fluid) and it shows no sign of going away at the moment. Baby is measuring very large (95%) and so there has been talk of inducing\ c section early, though nothing definite at the mo.

Basically if MIL goes on holiday there is a good chance she will miss baby's arrival. It's their first grandchild, though as she has said she would be upset if she missed it, she hadn't mentioned not going, in fact she's confirmed she isn't changing her plans. She goes to this villa with her cousins every year, so not like a once in a lifetime holiday.

Don't know if I'm just being hormonal but feeling sad about this. My mum will be here, but of course I want MIL here for my husband. She might regret it later.

Sorry it's so long! I can really ramble on!

OP posts:
Original poster
Starlive22 · 11/02/2018 13:41

Yes suppose I'll be pretty tired! I just assumed she'd want to be one of the first people to meet her, and it might make us closer. She's a hard lady to get close to and I don't want her to feel left out.

Totally agree that she could be worse! She's quite respectful of our space which is nice, but she also keeps out of the way, then complains about it. Just don't want the hassle of this being another one of those things.

When we got married it turned out she felt left out, but never ever mentioned it until after and I felt terrible about it.

I just don't want to end up inadvertently feeling guilty over this somehow. If she wants to go and doesn't feel bad, I guess I shouldn't feel bad about her missing it...it's her choice!

OP posts:
Original poster
Starlive22 · 11/02/2018 13:42

@PinkHeart5914 no sorry, I didn't explain that very well, she booked it well after she knew we were having the baby. Sorry if that was confusing!

OP posts:
MeadowHay · 11/02/2018 13:43

What? Confused Of course YABU. You don't require her for support immediately around the birth as you've said you have your DH and your DM around. She'll only be away for a few days and baby might not have even been born before she gets back. And even if it is, what difference does like on week make? Confused If I were you I'd be glad tbh, will you give you more space if baby is born before then, less people fussing about you when you want some peace and time to establish feeding and gt used to things and recover from the birth.

Echogirl · 11/02/2018 13:47

I think you are lucky to be honest
Your Mother will be there and after having the baby you will be so tired and hormonal that you won't want loads of visitors.
My mother-in-law came to see me after my first born and while she's great..hearing how the baby looks like her father who had died donkey years before was not what I wanted to be listening to with a newborn!!

Best of luck with new baby :-)

Livelounge · 11/02/2018 13:47

Um. Nobody really cares about your baby's arrival bar you and your DH.

MiddleClassProblem · 11/02/2018 13:55

I’m not sure what you’re expecting her to do for the birth. She may not miss it anyway.

You seem to have gone from saying you feel she’s not so excited to you feel she thinks she’s left out.

I think you’re just overthinking things. It’s a sensitive and emotional time that first week or two and she may we’ll be there anyway but you might be bleeding a lot, exhausted, barely had time to shower, hormones all over the place, figuring out breastfeeding etc. She might feel those are things you would be self conscious about around her.

Blackteadrinker77 · 11/02/2018 13:57

Um. Nobody really cares about your baby's arrival bar you and your DH

I certainly cared when my DGD was born. I don't think the MIL going away means she doesn't care, she is just having a holiday. She has many, many years to spend getting to know her DGC.

speakout · 11/02/2018 14:00

Wouldn't bother me.

She is only going for 10 days. I think our baby was a week old before my MIL came to see him.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 11/02/2018 14:04

Bit mean to say no one cares. My parents, sister and best friends cared. My MILs cared enough to visit from 2 hours away after about a fortnight.

Don’t invest so much emotion into this. Newborns and newborn for weeks and weeks.

39 weeks is standard for planned sections in my hospital.

Panandthegang · 11/02/2018 14:04

Just to add To the elective c section discussion...I’m in the uk and I was given the choice of when to schedule mine for (my baby was big too op!!) and all choices offered were post 40weeks. Lo was born at 40 plus 1

Original poster
Starlive22 · 11/02/2018 14:04

@Livelounge I feel really sorry for you, if that's the way you feel. My whole family are beyond excited for this baby, we have been trying for years and after some early losses this is the most exciting thing ever to happen! My friends, work colleagues, everyone I know is excited. So that comments just bollocks I'm afraid!

Think I'm probably just being a bit silly about this holiday, I'm sure MIL will meet the baby when she meets her and the main thing is that the baby gets here safe and sound and we are all dying to meet her!

Funny the things that upset you, but again, blaming my hormones!!

OP posts:
eurochick · 11/02/2018 14:05

I don't see a problem. My mil is in Ireland and came over when the baby was about 4 months. My parents had a holiday booked for about ten days after my due date and there was no discussion about them cancelling. In the end the baby was early so it didn't clash anyway, but that was pure chance.

PaintingOwls · 11/02/2018 14:05

You want her to lose out on a holiday, her deposit and possibly more, just so that she can see the baby slightly more fresh out of the womb for 30 minutes? Confused I'm sorry but unless you needed or expected her to be there to help and be involved YABU. Honestly, what do you expect her to do and how long do you expect her to stick around for?

I know you want to feel special and unique and do in but she's right, there will probably be more. This is a special time for you, so enjoy it.

Mulberry72 · 11/02/2018 14:07

I really couldn’t get upset about, I really couldn’t.

Original poster
Starlive22 · 11/02/2018 14:07

@Panandthegang ooh that's interesting to know. I think we will know more when we go to see the consultant in a few weeks. I know they said they wouldn't let me go over, but I think depending on size of baby and all the fluid will determine when they do decide.

Feeling nervous but excited!

OP posts:
Original poster
Starlive22 · 11/02/2018 14:09

Ok I guess I was being unreasonable! I just felt a bit sad for my husband as if it was my mum I would have been very upset, but I guess I'm being a bit silly over this.

OP posts:
flumpybear · 11/02/2018 14:10

I souls t worry too much she's made her choice if holiday over baby birth. Don't extend your pregnancy to suit her holiday

floriad · 11/02/2018 14:12

I woudn't mind MIL doing this... But she's in a different country, so yeah.

It's not that I dislike her. I just don't want her around when I might feel vulnerable...

kaytee87 · 11/02/2018 14:13

Um. Nobody really cares about your baby's arrival bar you and your DH.

This is absolute rubbish. Most people's families and close friends are excited about a new baby.

Allthewaves · 11/02/2018 14:14

Perhaps she wants to give you space as a new family

Livelounge · 11/02/2018 14:17

Lol @ your colleagues being "excited" about you having a baby. I can assure you they really aren't.

fusushumi · 11/02/2018 14:19

You weren't planning on having her in the delivery room were you??
It sounds as if you will have lots of people around to welcome the baby, so does it matter if she comes a few days later?

expatinscotland · 11/02/2018 14:19

Wouldn't bother me.

confusedlittleone · 11/02/2018 14:21

Go, even if she did cancel it you'd be crazy to let her visit in the first few days anyway

Original poster
Starlive22 · 11/02/2018 14:22

@Livelounge You sound bitter and unlikeable and you aren't offering anything positive or useful to the thread.

But thanks for assuming nobody cares, that's useful.

OP posts:
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