Mother in Law Holiday

[Starlive22]

Hello ladies!
Just wondering what other people's opinions on this...
Expecting our first baby on 24th March!!
Basically, to cut a long story short my MIL had planned a holiday to Spain on 10th - 20th March. Which she booked after she knew we were expecting.

We are currently under consultant care as I've had a few problems during the pregnancy, one of which being polyhydramnios (too much fluid) and it shows no sign of going away at the moment. Baby is measuring very large (95%) and so there has been talk of inducing\ c section early, though nothing definite at the mo.

Basically if MIL goes on holiday there is a good chance she will miss baby's arrival. It's their first grandchild, though as she has said she would be upset if she missed it, she hadn't mentioned not going, in fact she's confirmed she isn't changing her plans. She goes to this villa with her cousins every year, so not like a once in a lifetime holiday.

Don't know if I'm just being hormonal but feeling sad about this. My mum will be here, but of course I want MIL here for my husband. She might regret it later.

Sorry it's so long! I can really ramble on!

My friends, work colleagues, everyone I know is excited.

I am sure they are.

I know having a baby is a big deal for you- but it's a very ordinary thing for most others- apart from those who are very close.

They really don't care.

Our first DGC is due in a few months too.

I'm really (really, really) excited but wouldn't rearrange our holidays around the due date or possibility of an early arrival. I'm excited about the future years with the child more so than the first day.

My SIL said no visitors for the first week and MIL (sil’s dm) was quite disappointed. With our first we said PIL were welcome at the hospital so they met her at a few hours old. This time they have booked a holiday over the due date, long after we told them the date. I’ve gone overdue so they may end up being around but they obviously weren’t fussed about being there this time. It would have been nice if they’d have offered to spend some time with our toddler but my mum has come to visit to help out, so we won’t be stuck for childcare.

I find it a bit confusing as my family is close and we would all drop everything to help each other out at times like this, so I do sometimes feel sorry for DP, but all families are different with their own dynamics.

If your MIL feels left out then it’s between her and her son. DP came to the scans and had access to the same pictures, so if he wants to share things like that it’s up to him. Everything else is really just stuff about my pregnancy, which I doubt is that interesting for anyone else, so what is there to be left out from?

PIL do tend to hint that they don’t see as much of dd as my family, but it really isn’t true. My parents are a similar distance away, and PIL often like to stop off at ours on their way to somewhere else so actually see more of us. They also refuse to try any solution we suggest, like Skype. I think some people are just prone to feeling left out.

It’s her choice - let her crack on with it.

If she regrets it later then so what? It’s not your fault, it’s up to her.

FWIW we were in for 3 days with Ds1. PIL didn’t come in because visiting hours clashed with dinner time.

Was I angry? Yes
Does it still rile me? Yes
Has it affected their relationship with their DS and their grandchildren? Definitely (plus multiple other issues that I won’t bore you with)

BUT - it’s their loss. And sometimes there just isn’t anything you can do about it

Chewbecca- that's a sensible view.

First time parents are ( naturally) very excited and tend to view the birth as the culmination of the events- the conception ( easy or not) the pregnancy, the planning, the birth. At the end they have a baby.

Except that's not the end result- that's only the beginning.
Those of us with kids know that.

The birth is the easy bit- it's the years that follow that really count.

If she doesn’t want to share in the experience, that’s her loss.

Enjoy every second of it, it will be the most wonderful experience you can possibly imagine (grin) you’re obviously delighted about it so I’m over the moon for you!!

You likely won’t want her around at the time anyway!

Congrats on your pregnancy!

Right yes got it, nobody cares @speakout and @Livelounge

How silly and naive I am, thank you.

I'm absolutely certain my mum and sister are excited, and my best friends, maybe I'm being stupid thinking others I know care about it.

It might be ordinary for most people to have a baby but it's took us a long time to get here. I never thought we would.

Hope you have a good laugh at my stupidity.

Thanks everyone else for the advice and opinions, feel much better about things and yes, I think I might have taken this to heart more than necessary.

You really won’t care at the time, especially if you have a c section. It knocked me out for days!

Most people are excited about important events in the lives of family, friends and colleagues. I am happy for my friend who is in a new relationship after a lot of OLD. I’m crossing my fingers for friends who are trying for a baby after chemotherapy. I’m excited for a colleague about to start a new, much better job that she really deserves. Don’t most people care about these things?

OP, it’s nice that you and your dp are excited about the baby. That’s how it should be. I’m sure your dm and mil are also looking forward to it.

But let me assure you that no one else is excited about it. I’m sure everyone wishes you well but that’s about it. People have babies every single day. The sun still rises and sets. Yadda yadda yadda.

Honestly, getting upset by someone going away rather than camping out by your side is terribly over-dramatic. If you are this self obsessed and drama llama about things I can see why she’d rather go on holiday to be frank.

Starlive22 we are not saying that no one cares- I am sure those that are close to you are excited.
But don't assume that people in your wider circle are very excited at all. They will say the right things- but really they don't care.
I know you have had challenges, but you are not the first woman to give birth.
First time for you - and a huge deal, I get that, but no everyone is wearing your baby glasses.

Mathilda

NewYear in the U.K. an elective CS is performed at 39 weeks.

In your local trust, maybe, certainly not the three times I've had one, in my local trust.

Wouldn't bother me. She'll be back shortly after baby is born. Then she can come round and help? Clean! Cook a meal.
I would be very grateful for any help. And not bothered by her going on holiday, at all.

I would be more bothered if it was my own mother tbh. My ex mil missed ds birth completely her loss and returned a week after he was born.

My family and friends were all very excited when my babies were born. I am also really excited and happy for my own friends especially when they have a first baby...such a special time.

Only on mumsnet do you hear such a snide nasty comments.

I’d be sad if it was my mum, as in my family these things are important shared occasions, so if she decided to do something else it would be strange and upsetting. DP’s family are just different, so it probably doesn’t mean anything that they’re not fussed. They also wouldn’t cancel a holiday for a close family funeral, whereas that would be unthinkable in my family. It’s not odd that OP bases her feelings on her own experience.

Altho this is major happening for you, actually for many others, it's just a baby.
I'd be rather pleased to be allowed to adapt to my new life with my first baby in peace.

I would consider not having my MIL around a blessing. She's not cancelling so clearly it doesn't matter that much to her. Stop worrying about how she'll feel, it's her problem.

I think that perhaps your MIL has hit upon quite a dignified way of giving you a bit of a get-out clause. You both know that she tends to feel left out, but is reluctant to say anything at the time. If she’s away on holiday then she won’t have to try to strike a balance between being excited to see the baby and hassling you- she can just see you and the baby when she gets back.

Try to look at it as her being diplomatic rather than uninterested.

I'd be thrilled if MIL was out of the way for the birth of number 2! She means well, and her comments come from the right place, but she's critical and overbearing, and it drives me mad! I know she's going to fuss all over DC2, and ignore DS, which I worry will make it harder for him to adapt (he's not even 2 yet).

OP so your "interfering" MIL - who you don't get on with very well may not be around in the early days after you giving birth.

Is there a downside?

sounds like one of those oh i feel left out victims but wont do anything about it

you cant change people its her choice to go away on that date

Some very harsh opinions here! OP, I have absolutely felt excited when my friends have announced pregnancies or had babies. I think that’s pretty normal.

My MiL never would have gone away over my due date (she’s more on the opposite end of the spectrum with that kind of thing), but my SiL displayed similar behaviour around our wedding. I don’t really get on with her so selfishly didn’t care, but I certainly felt sad for my husband because I know that he would do anything for her and felt it was a shame that she didn’t reciprocate. Just focus on you and your baby and welcome your MiL when she does turn up.

My mother did this to me, except she booked a month away. It was one of many signs that the grandchildren were not going to be of interest to her.