(TW: OCD) To be sick of people wishing they were mentally ill

[OCDisAWanker]

Whenever I mention I have OCD (it's sometimes unfortunately obvious, for example my desk at work and paperwork) someone almost always says one of the following

"Oooh your house must be so so clean!"
"I wish I had OCD, my house might be clean then!"
"Come and clean my house hahaha"
"You can come and sort my house/car/delete as appropriate out for me if you want".
And if someone sees my home for the first time they're often surprised that while it's 90% clean and very tidy and orderly it's not immaculate.

I really resent the implication that I'm either
A- in love with housework
B- ready to be someone else's skivvy
C- hospital grade kind of clean
and I also resent people saying they actually want OCD as if OCD has anything to do with being clean and even if it does for that individual it's not a good thing!! OCD can come in lots of forms and IME a lot of people who are very clean and have OCD generally are terrified of germs and illness. Not necessarily a love of cleaning. This is the case with everybody at a support group I attend. For example one lady hates the act of cleaning. But she's terrified that if she doesn't perform certain tasks (cleaning the toilet, sink, sides and so forth 8x a day exactly) her son will catch a horrific illness and die. Sorry but how can anybody wish they're kept in a constant anxiety ridden and unhappy state terrified their young son will die? I suppose they don't, they just want a clean house but nobody thinks it's ok to say "I wish I was suicidal" "I wish I was depressed" "I wish I had anxiety" "I wish I had bipolar" I have never heard those statements.

So they panic over the likes of getting Ebola or hiv if they don't disenfectant their sink 10 times a day. I don't have that. I have an issue with certain things (like my desk) being orderly but my OCD tends to otherwise have nowt to do with cleanliness and to be honest my non ocd mother has a house much cleaner than mine.

I'm writing this partially for a rant after having more of the same comments yesterday and partially because I hope that at least one person who thinks it's ok to say these things will stop and if you aren't going to please just don't say them around someone who has OCD. It's so hard to hear those things when you're battling it daily just to function.

“But you have to at least try.
I'm puzzled that anyone can argue against that”

At least try, is a dismissive, negative, unhelpful comment. I’m not even sure what it actually means.

Oblomov -At least try? you think all the people on MN alone (never mind in the UK) who complain about MH haven't tried? is that what you think? they haven't been to the doctor's they haven't sought every service available on the NHS and private, they haven't tried all sorts of medication, counselling etc. No they're just sitting there waiting for a pity party, they haven't tried.

What an insulting post, you must be so arrogant to think that you've got the answer and the answer is.... we haven't bloody TRIED!it hasn't occurred to you that they've tried all they can but there simply isn't a cure.

How do you know people aren't trying oblomov? Your posts don't really make sense in the context of this thread.

Why even mention trying, when that isn't the point of this thread?

It's almost like you are trying to say that, yes OCD is shit, but it isn't that bad because there is help out there. Is that what you are getting at? If not, I have no idea where you are going with your comments.

I have relatives with very severe OCD and while I’ve not exactly been diagnosed with it myself, I’ve had other mental health issues and my doctors have said that I definitely have some signs of OCD too. Intrusive thoughts and magical thinking, that kind of thing.

I was once trying to explain this to my new manager at work but he just kept laughing it off and saying things like ‘oooh yeah, me too, I’m dead fussy about loads of things!’

Then any time he was correcting a typo in a document or moving something around in a PowerPoint he’d say ‘sorry, I’m being really picky, just my own OCD playing up again, haha!’

He was actually a really lovely guy but really really did not understand what OCD was

Just don't mention it to people. Joe Public cannot possibly know everythign and even in mainstream media, OCD is trivialised. Nobody is meaning to cause offence or be ignorant but they just don't know

Lack of understanding is so infuriating. I have OCD and am not a particularly tidy person - lots of people think I'm making it up as apparently you have to be a clean freak to have it! No, it's a mental illness and it's almost destroyed my life.

I am in recovery from OCD. But when it was at it’s worst, I had terrible intrusive throughly about people I love. I though that if I didn’t do certain rituals in a certain order every day, multiple times a day that something awful would happen. It was exhausting and terrifying.

I also like a clean house but the two are in no way related. I like things clean - but they don’t HAVE to be.

I think some people see OCD and obsessive compulsive personality disorder as the same thing. It is totally different.

I have intrusive thoughts and do have rituals, but not to the extent that it is debilitating. It does stop me leaving the house for 10 mins while I check things, then go round in a circle checking again, then again. I do live in fear of it getting worse as I know how bad it can get. My house is certainly not spotlessly clean though.

I wouldn't wish OCD on anyone. DP suffers horrific intrusions (visual and audio), and they often leave him terrified. It can be anything from replays of things he has seen on TV, over and over again, to seeing himself commit some unspeakable act, that he would never infact do. Or there'll be shadows watching him. I honestly don't know how he copes at times, he won't even tell me some things because they're so awful.

And unfortunately OCD isn't the only thing he has on his plate, like so many other sufferers.

Very much agree - a good friend of mine has OCD and it makes her life very difficult.

Slightly different, but same kind of issue (especially when it comes to lazy media representation); my son and I both have Tourette’s. He is more severe than I am (I have mild physical tics and a couple of vocal ones that most people wouldn’t notice, he has complicated physical tics and SO MANY vocal ones). It drives me up the wall when people joke about somebody who swears a lot having it, or when yet another movie or tv show portrays it as people spewing streams of obscenities!

So agree OP. My PND triggered OCD- I wasn’t obsessed with neatness it cleanliness. I just knew that great harm would come to DS if I wasn’t able to watch him all the time. I saw it, I heard the conversations I would need to have with paramedics, I knew what would happen. Living with that was horrific and not something I would wish on anyone.

The point at which I planned how to kill myself just to stop living with the thoughts was a terrible low. I suspect the people who think they have OCD because they hoover everyday don’t all think that way.

I am fortunately recovered, but have never forgotten that time. Sending much peace to those still living with it.

I don’t agree with people not being able to help their comments.

I know little about OCD, there are lots of other conditions I know little about. If it affects someone close to me, I’d make it my business to find out. If not, I would never dream of making a joke about or trivialising it.

Surely it’s common sense?

SwarmofCats - Pls can i pm you? I'd like to ask you a bit more about Tourettes.

Those of you who've said you have recovered Queen you just posted not too long, would you mind sharing how you recovered?

I get this. I have clinically diagnosed OCD and people assume that it is all about cleaning. Mine focuses on intrusive thoughts and compulsions which I feel I have to carry out or something terrible will happen to someone I care about. I have been going through therapy and it has been horrible but it has helped hugely. So it really annoys me when people say "oh I'm a bit ocd" while laughing that they have tidied something up. I nearly killed myself because I could no longer cope with the crushing anxiety and depression it was causing me. It's not a joke

I know from personal experience how hellish OCD can be (“exhausting and terrifying” about sums it up), and have, in the past, taken great offence at the trivialisation of it. But like I8toys, I now try not to let what other people say about it bother or affect me. In fact I do my best to laugh about it, which helps.

My OCD is the fear and paranoi of breaking the law and thinking everything and everyone is after me and my loved ones. I have instructive thoughts about saying something wrong and the next thing in my head it escalates to the prison, court, lawsuits, bankruptcy etc. It rules my life. It’s exhausting and draining, day in day out.

Shedmice - Thank you. Unfortunately not everyone thinks sensibly like you. You'd think it was common sense that joking about someone's illness is in bad taste, but clearly not.

I agree. I have OCD and live in something akin to squalor because my compulsions have nothing to do with cleanliness and in fact take up time I should be spending cleaning/doing other useful things. I was also anorexic in the past and I also hate the way that is used colloquially

The trivialisations of mh conditions are probably a part of the step towards better understanding - so we’ve gone from it being a hidden shame, to everyone wanting to claim they’re also suffering from something in some way due to imperfect understanding of these conditions, there should be a third wave where people stop making these silly statements.

The media so doesn’t help - that Chris Packham documentary on autism was wonderful, but I came away with the impression one might think that it was mostly about having a very tidy wardrobe and an aviator to focus obsessively on the things you were interested in, such as animals. The media makes things a bit too easily relatable. I’ve also seen lots of documentaries on germ obsessed OCD types...

Botanist -You make a very good point (referring to your first paragraph). I can only hope that this third wave does indeed happen, the time spans in between is of course is another matter. At least we can hopefully look forward to it being on course.

I didn't watch the Chris Packham program, but watched his next one 'finding the girl', which was of course great but it wasn't about autism.

EducationCity - feel free!

Mental health research should, i hope, deliver some great things in the next 30 years, we need a new wave of therapies and a new wave of public enlightenment - it’s not been that long since bipolar sufferers have stopped being called manic depressives afterall, but there is a long way to go.

I also think that by taking too much offence at what we’ll politely call the ignorance of non-sufferers, you’re helping give OCD too much power over yourself (and it’s got quite enough power as it is, thank you very much). But that’s just me.

“Those of you who've said you have recovered… would you mind sharing how you recovered?”

I don’t know if anybody past very mild OCD ever fully recovers; for me, at least, it’s always there, as it has been since I was a child, washing my hands bloody. Fortunately I've conquered the worst of it. When you lie in bed next to your partner terrified you’re going to kill them, then don’t, night after night, the illogic of such an absurd proposition is overcome by the logic that you’ve never harmed a fly in your life, and are unlikely to start now.

Late to the thread, not RTFT but a massive yes OP

I have OCD. House a tip.

My OCD revolves around protecting an unborn unconceived baby I may or may not have in the future. But to try explain it out and why I do various things would be exhausting. It's exhausting living it. It's honestly ruined my life.

Yet fashionable to wish upon yourself apparently.

@FizzgigFizzgog Is he on long-term medication? Does it help?