(TW: OCD) To be sick of people wishing they were mentally ill

[OCDisAWanker]

Whenever I mention I have OCD (it's sometimes unfortunately obvious, for example my desk at work and paperwork) someone almost always says one of the following

"Oooh your house must be so so clean!"
"I wish I had OCD, my house might be clean then!"
"Come and clean my house hahaha"
"You can come and sort my house/car/delete as appropriate out for me if you want".
And if someone sees my home for the first time they're often surprised that while it's 90% clean and very tidy and orderly it's not immaculate.

I really resent the implication that I'm either
A- in love with housework
B- ready to be someone else's skivvy
C- hospital grade kind of clean
and I also resent people saying they actually want OCD as if OCD has anything to do with being clean and even if it does for that individual it's not a good thing!! OCD can come in lots of forms and IME a lot of people who are very clean and have OCD generally are terrified of germs and illness. Not necessarily a love of cleaning. This is the case with everybody at a support group I attend. For example one lady hates the act of cleaning. But she's terrified that if she doesn't perform certain tasks (cleaning the toilet, sink, sides and so forth 8x a day exactly) her son will catch a horrific illness and die. Sorry but how can anybody wish they're kept in a constant anxiety ridden and unhappy state terrified their young son will die? I suppose they don't, they just want a clean house but nobody thinks it's ok to say "I wish I was suicidal" "I wish I was depressed" "I wish I had anxiety" "I wish I had bipolar" I have never heard those statements.

So they panic over the likes of getting Ebola or hiv if they don't disenfectant their sink 10 times a day. I don't have that. I have an issue with certain things (like my desk) being orderly but my OCD tends to otherwise have nowt to do with cleanliness and to be honest my non ocd mother has a house much cleaner than mine.

I'm writing this partially for a rant after having more of the same comments yesterday and partially because I hope that at least one person who thinks it's ok to say these things will stop and if you aren't going to please just don't say them around someone who has OCD. It's so hard to hear those things when you're battling it daily just to function.

Yanbu
It’s incredibly debilitating. I manage it reasonably well now (most of the time) but I don’t know how I got through my lowest times.

YANBU OP.
I have OCD and anorexia and have been told I have the 'good mental ilnness' and that everybody would love to have them for a bit.
I've been asked why I have therapy because why would anyone want to cure 'being tidy and skinny'.
The amount of people who like to just claim they have OCD because they know how to wash up or turn on a hoover makes me sick.

I agree with you OP. Its a horrible debilitating illness. A lot of people are idiots and use it as a throw away comment without fully understanding what it means. DS has it and I would not wish it on my worst enemy Its frightening and can destroy lives.

YANBU OP.

I have had OCD episodes since I was 7. (Not recognised until much later as parents thought I was just naughty). My OCD would fluctuate and is now at a much milder level. I am also a very messy person. I hate housework and am very lazy around the house. Also I am not an obsessive hand washer. My obesessions have been to do with religion and compulsively checking things, having to think things through obsessively a number of times and even moving my foot or tapping a certain way. It has been hard to get help because I been ashamed to tell anyone what was happening.

I wish people would realise that the obsessions and intrusive thoughts cover a wide spectrum and can mean almost anything. I think tidiness and hand washing get singled out because there are common ones and there are reality TV shows centred around OCD and cleanliness or hoarding etc

Am probably going to get flamed for this, but I do have no problem with people who say "Oh, I am a little OCD" if they have "genuine" mild OCD. My OCD has only been severe some of the time, yet the "mild" version is still debilitating as heck. I also have no issue with people self-identifying as OCD if they genuinely believe they have it and are waiting or been unable to access mental health assessments. It is the people who say "I am neat and tidy, therefore I must be OCD" that grind my gears.

Ditto ASD. I have nothing against self diagnosis if they have done their research and genuinely identify with it etc BUT when they say things like "I'm such a geek, and I am shy etc I must be ASD", I feel like rolling my eyes.

Upside - Are people really THIS stupid? , 'a good mental illness'????

“Good mental illnesses” anorexia has one of the highest death rates but sure you’re skinny so who gives a shit...

Idiot.

EducationCity

Unfortunately yes. I even had a babysitter say it to me, no way on earth was I leaving anyone that ignorant and disgusting in charge of my children.

Education City Some psychiatrists call OCD the "sane" person's mental illness as it does not involve psychosis. But "crazy" is not a true medical term anyway and when those of us with OCD are unwell we feel crazy. OCD at its worst can be even more debilitating than schizophrenia.

regards anorexia, I think it is a horrible illness, although in the ED community, (which I also am a part of), those of us with binge eating disorder or bulimia often wish we has the "better" eating disorder. By "better", we do not mean it is any less hellish, but just "better" recognised and understand. My obesity and addiction to food is hell but many people would just see someone who needs to diet. I am just as sick as an anorexic. I would never say I am "more" sick though. There is no Top Trumps in mental illness, nor should there be.

TheCatsPaws Exactly. Anorexia is a horrid illness, like OCD, and the two can often go together, sadly.

Borderline or Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder has a high suicide rate, I believe, but somehow many doctors seem to treat it like it is not a "proper" mental illness. I am so sick of the stigma and top trumps even in the mental health world.

I once lashed out at someone telling me "I wish I was anorexic" (I was) and asked them if they would think it was appropriate to say "I wish I had cancer" to someone with this illness? No? thought so.

Emotional it’s so hard getting support. My diagnoses aren’t solid because I am a “complex case” so they just put down “depression and severe GAD with obsessive compulsive tendencies” because I don’t fit into any box (basically I am an anxious mess) but some drs act like I’m overreacting

I recently had to have an ERPC in hospital. I told them I have a phobia of needles and was assured they’d get me the cream. I asked 3 times and they refused. They then attempted to cannulate me, missed, and caused a horrible panic attack. They then pretended to get the dream and told me they couldn’t find it. They had to knock me out with the gas because I wouldn’t let anyone near me with the needles, and I was terrified.

It’s on my notes that I have anxiety. Why make me go through that? Why not just use the cream or knock me out without the fuss?

I hate how mental health is treated

I don't on the most part think people mean harm by it anymore than they do when they say if someone makes them jump they had a heart attack or that a garish shirt gives them a migraine.
The TV shows are mostly to blame for focusing on the cleaning aspect. I think if most people knew the reality of OCD then they would change their expressions.

It really winds me up. I have a friend who says she has OCD. One day I said when were you diagnosed, do you have therapy? Her reply, no I just like my bathroom to have the bottles in order......
That's not OCD!!!!!!
Same as people who have anxiety because they get nervous sometimes. I actually have anxiety (or had...now over through meds and therapy) so that really annoys me

My first experience with it is with DS, so totally unprepared when it emerged . He is a happy chap normally but it always seems to be lurking in the shawdows. I've read up on it, the awful intrusive thoughts and obsessional thinking makes me want to rip open his head and yank it out, scream LEAVE MY DS ALONE! he is only 13.

YANBU.
I hear you.

TheCatsPaws That is terrible. Am so sorry to hear that. Doctors and nurses can be such dicks. Why can they not just take us at our word? We are living it, not them.

I recently have had my CPN minimise my eperiences related with anxiety and ocd because I have another diagnosis that means MH services consider me an attention seeker and "diffficult and manipulative." Some of my anxiety is trauma related too as well as the OCD but my trauma history has been disregarded because apparently I "just want attention." They have told my carer and others on my MH team to disregard me when I am having a panic attack or need to check repeatedly for assurance eg that if I have the right time for the next appointment with them etc, even if it has left me hysterical with fear. Because apparently I am not mentally ill, just badly behaved!

Sorry for the rant. It just makes me so angry, telling him things that aren't true and make him doubt himself.

Emotional - Your situation sounds quite difficult. How can you make them see that its not attention seeking? is there anyone involved in your care that believes you? someone who can be your champion?

I think you are being a bit unfair. Admittedly no one knows, can appreciate what any illness or disability is like to live with.
But there is plenty of Help, assistance and support available to help with OCD or anxiety etc.

Emotional that’s awful! How can anyone think that?! I have a friend with BPD who is the sweetest, nicest person and she says some drs treat her like an attention seeker because of her diagnosis.

I don’t know why people with MH issues are patronised so much

EducationCity and TheCatsPaws I did have a therapist who did DBT with me (Like CBT but a bit more intense and long lasting) but that has now ended. She believed me.

My champions now are peer support groups on the internet.

Education You have nothing to be sorry about. Rant away, if it helps. to you and your son

to you and TheCatsPaw and anyone else who is struggling

Oblomov- How is OP being unfair? if you can't appreciate what its like to have an 'illness', the clue is in the word, its an illness. Don't glamourise it or say twatty things to sufferers like, 'What have you got to be sad about' your thin and clean'. i'm also keen to hear about this plenty of help, assistance and support that you speak of? I didn't realise MH was awash with these services.

DS has been awaiting CBT or over yr, do you know what? after 3 months they said he's not severe enough to go on the waiting list. The WL itself only takes the most severe cases AND they only offer 6 sessions max!. But DS was severe enough he stopped eating and had to go into hospital. Thank God we were in a position to be able to afford private CBT. There are countless other stories of services closing down. Medication is another avenue, but its not a magic fix as is evident from several threads on here.

So what are the services you speak of because i'd very much like to hear about them inorder for us to approach some of them.

YANBU. I'm sorry you're going through this.
This popped up on my Facebook for a cleaning service in my town and I have to say I am thinking of dropping them a message about it.

Oblomov18

I too would like to know how you think the OP is the one being unfair in this? Are you one of the people they are talking about and are attempting to justify your actions?
Would you think it would be okay say to someone in a wheel chair, 'oh it must be fun to get to sit down and get pushed around all day'? Just because you dont know what its like tobe in a wheelchair and (in most cases wrongly) assume they get plenty of help and support.

WashingMatilda - I just went to have a quick look, and actually there's quite a few of them. The one i'm looking at has a van emblazoned with OCD cleaning services on it. They're using the misery of others to advertise business. Words fail.

I don't think the wheelchair is comparable.
You can't compare OCD with ... say cancer.

I am well aware of lack of funding and the Governments view on MH and disability. Which is shocking.

I am well aware of people, adults, children, teens being denied CBT and Also Camhs saying they don't have the resources to help. It is bad.

But there is some support online and suggestions for how to deal with OCD. You need to address the core issue. And that's hard. But possible.