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Original poster

(TW: OCD) To be sick of people wishing they were mentally ill

126 replies

OCDisAWanker · 11/02/2018 12:03

Whenever I mention I have OCD (it's sometimes unfortunately obvious, for example my desk at work and paperwork) someone almost always says one of the following

"Oooh your house must be so so clean!"
"I wish I had OCD, my house might be clean then!"
"Come and clean my house hahaha"
"You can come and sort my house/car/delete as appropriate out for me if you want".
And if someone sees my home for the first time they're often surprised that while it's 90% clean and very tidy and orderly it's not immaculate.

I really resent the implication that I'm either
A- in love with housework
B- ready to be someone else's skivvy
C- hospital grade kind of clean
and I also resent people saying they actually want OCD as if OCD has anything to do with being clean and even if it does for that individual it's not a good thing!! OCD can come in lots of forms and IME a lot of people who are very clean and have OCD generally are terrified of germs and illness. Not necessarily a love of cleaning. This is the case with everybody at a support group I attend. For example one lady hates the act of cleaning. But she's terrified that if she doesn't perform certain tasks (cleaning the toilet, sink, sides and so forth 8x a day exactly) her son will catch a horrific illness and die. Sorry but how can anybody wish they're kept in a constant anxiety ridden and unhappy state terrified their young son will die? I suppose they don't, they just want a clean house but nobody thinks it's ok to say "I wish I was suicidal" "I wish I was depressed" "I wish I had anxiety" "I wish I had bipolar" I have never heard those statements.

So they panic over the likes of getting Ebola or hiv if they don't disenfectant their sink 10 times a day. I don't have that. I have an issue with certain things (like my desk) being orderly but my OCD tends to otherwise have nowt to do with cleanliness and to be honest my non ocd mother has a house much cleaner than mine.

I'm writing this partially for a rant after having more of the same comments yesterday and partially because I hope that at least one person who thinks it's ok to say these things will stop and if you aren't going to please just don't say them around someone who has OCD. It's so hard to hear those things when you're battling it daily just to function.

OP posts:
Oblomov18 · 11/02/2018 14:21

Or, you can at least TRY to address the reasons for your OCD or anxiety.
That's all I'm saying.

TheCatsPaws · 11/02/2018 14:24

But there is some support online and suggestions for how to deal with OCD. You need to address the core issue. And that's hard. But possible.

No. You cannot just think yourself better. This attitude is harmful.

Oblomov18 · 11/02/2018 14:24

And when I said OP was being a bit unfair.
What I meant was her, anger is misdirected. I'm sure most of these people who make such comments aren't doing it to be deliberately nasty.

Oblomov18 · 11/02/2018 14:26

I thought talking it through and trying to address some of the core problems was recommended?

Oblomov18 · 11/02/2018 14:27

I didn't think that was "harmful".

upsideup · 11/02/2018 14:36

Oblomov18

God, you are making your sound awful.
It's great you think people with mental illness can just make themselves better and I hope you or noone around you never has to be affected. Why is the wheelchair example not comparable? Having a mental illness can be just as debilitating and life changing as being in a wheelchair. People die from mental illnesses.
I was diagnosed with OCD at 4, its part of me and not something I can just get rid of if I want to.

susurration · 11/02/2018 14:38

Gosh this does drive me mad. When people say "i'm a bit OCD about housework" I want to say "oh really? Worried you'll die if you don't hoover every day? Had any intrusive thoughts recently? Scratched yourself raw in compulsion recently? no, didn't fucking think so."

susurration · 11/02/2018 14:41

Oblomov18 I've been trying 'address my issues' for years. I still have OCD, depression, anxiety and PTSD symptoms. It's just there, there is no getting rid of, despite paying a very expensive therapist every week to help me, spending money every month on prescription medication, time and income lost from work, holidays cancelled, friendships going down the pan. It's not that easy as just 'addressing the issue yourself'

EmotionalSupportTortoise · 11/02/2018 14:44

Oblamov18

I don't think the wheelchair is comparable. You cannot compare OCD to say...cancer

Why not, though? There is no top trumps with disability/illness. They all present different challenges. Surely?

EducationCity · 11/02/2018 14:45

Or, you can at least TRY to address the reasons for your OCD or anxiety

I thought talking it through and trying to address some of the core problems was recommended?

Oblomov - You're showing your complete lack of understanding of OCD and anxiety. There are varying reasons why people have these illnesses and not something they can just address the reasons for their anxiety. Its an illness. DS has it because he has Tourettes syndrome, THAT is the primary diagnosis, but Tourettes is also known as the 'tripatite condition', in that 70% of suffers will also have ADHD or OCD or both, its a co-morbidity. So when you say, 'address the reasons for his anxiety' well what do you suggest? we can do all the talking through in the world but its not going to remove this illness from his life. It can help in times of crises but that's all.

Some people have it as a co-morbidity of Autism. They're in the same camp we are. Some have it on its own as a result of some trauma that has triggered this thinking process. For some its an inherited condition. So you're really not making any sense.

EmotionalSupportTortoise · 11/02/2018 14:45

Susurration Flowers

EmotionalSupportTortoise · 11/02/2018 14:46

EducationCity Could not have said it better myself.

I8toys · 11/02/2018 14:46

I have OCD. I don't announce the fact - people who I work with don't know - only close family. It doesn't bother me what other people say about OCD. They cannot possibly understand that I had these intrusive thoughts in my head since I was a child and I'm now 45. Rant away but try not to let what others think and do affect you.

EmotionalSupportTortoise · 11/02/2018 14:47

Oblomov18
you could at least TRY to address the reasons for your anxiety

So, we aren't trying hard enough????

I'm done. Bye.

ClaryFray · 11/02/2018 14:49

Those people are just seeing the surface of being very clean. They don't see the having to check the front doors locked 3 times before leaving the doorway, occasionally having to double back to check the straighteners are off. It sucks but try t remember people aren't saying it for spite. There just not thinking.

Oblomov18 · 11/02/2018 14:57

I disagree Education. I have a lot of respect for those with co-morbid conditions.

EducationCity · 11/02/2018 14:58

You disagree about what exactly?

LittleSwede · 11/02/2018 14:59

On one hand it is immensely annoying, not to mention disrespectful, that many people seem to think it's totally acceptable to say things like "I'm a little bit OCD about this or that.." or similar phrases involving ASD/being on the spectrum etc. Completely belittling people who are struggling with OCD/MH or who are on the Autistic Spectrum (I know ASD is not a mental illness, my DD is autistic) it or similar for real.

On the other hand there seems to be a little bit more public awareness around ill MH now than 5-10 years ago and I am hoping that as people become more knowledgeable about ill MH, they will become more sensitive to how they express themselves.

I work with teenagers with ill mental health, many with OCD, ED or BDD, and the more we can speak openly about ill mental health the better for them, provided it is done in a sensitive manner. So these kids are able to feel that they are not in the minority and that there are many adults struggling with ill mental health too. Many of them seem to think it is just them and it is so isolating and dangerous.

upsideup · 11/02/2018 15:01

Oblomov18

Really? Because you seem incapable of showing anybody with respect.

Oblomov18 · 11/02/2018 15:14

Incapable of showing respect?
I disagree.

I have lot of respect. For ASD particularly.

But I do expect anyone, with any
Condition to at least TRY and address it.

Some disabilities/conditions/illnesses are harder to deal with than others.

Some are more brittle than other. Some are harder to deal with than others.

But you have to at least try.
I'm puzzled that anyone can argue against that.

cloudspotter · 11/02/2018 15:20

YANBU
It's only when you or someone you know well gets a mental illness like OCD that you realise what it's all about.

It's the same with people "wishing they had anorexia". It's a crippling, life threatening mental illness. Confused

upsideup · 11/02/2018 15:47

Oblomov18

When everything in me is telling me not to eat, not even to drink water because someone is hiding calories in it, I'm sorry I didnt feel like 'just trying' to eat. When I felt like my child would choke if I didnt pickup each spoonful of food 3 times before putting it in her mouth, I'm sorry I didnt 'just try' and not do it.
Its great when you all you want is to get better, sure then obviously the easy option is to try but when your mind is telling you to not get better and every one else is out to get you and the only thing you can trust is your mental illness then 'just trying' dosnt work. I am glad you are in a position where you think mental ilness can be cured if the sufferer 'just tries' harder.

Oblomov18 · 11/02/2018 16:00

Upside
I never said anything of the sort.
I never said "mental ilness can be cured"

I never said that. Ever. Please don't misquote me.

Shedmicehugh · 11/02/2018 16:19

I get what Olbomov is saying, I’m just unsure of why in relation to the thread?

Has anyone said they don’t try? I thought the OP was saying that some comments piss her off.

Redhead17 · 11/02/2018 16:37

I have OCD I like stuff neat but not really into cleaning 12 hours a day.

I like to check things, I count to a certain number, I used to live in a flat and one day I stood at 2am in my pjs in the pouring rain checking each door and window of my car, I done this 10 times, each door and window was checked 10 times I just woke up and thought I need to check.

I also have a thing about times. If we are leaving at 10 then we leave at 10 if it’s 1015 because of delays indoors I won’t go, we are always on time for places.

Times, checking and things perfectly in line are my main ones.

I have horrid thoughts at time they make me feel utterly awful and ashamed.

Stress is a huge trigger or upset. If I get upset or very stressed then the cleaning manifests, and I mean I the floor with a toothbrush

I’ve also travelled back to heck straighteners are off

I find taking photos off switched off items help me, there are many ways I have learnt to deal with it and make my life easier. I have had CBT and it really helped me control it, I have now have more good days than bad days