To not understand 'bottle propping'?

[stellenbosch]

Been in the media a lot lately. I don't get it. Why would you do this? It takes about five minutes to give your baby a bottle and it's such a nurturing bonding experience... not to mention the danger, wind, etc!

I’d never heard of this but I saw it in a cafe the other day and thought surely that’s not safe, baby was really little. Parents were right there and watching though.

It’s lazy IMO and shows a lack of care!

I mean, the audacity of a baby to need help, a cuddle and supervision when being fed

You do know that not everyone has the same experience as you, and not everyone is completely able bodied? There’s some seriously ableist bullshit going on here!

I would have loved to be able to sit and hold my twins for every feed, but it wasn’t possible. I would have loved to not be in so much pain that I couldn’t sit in a stress position for 20-30 minutes 10+ times a day, but I was.

The difference is, I actually consider that other people might be struggling in ways I can’t see or understand before calling them lazy and neglectful 🙄

I love holding my baby close to me ask give him his bottle, I get the cutest smile from him whilst feeding him aswell. Not only is bottle propping dangerous you don't get that bonding time with your baby either.

I had such bad carpal tunnel syndrome after having my children that sometimes I couldn't hold the bottle to feed them with. I would have them in my arms but with with a Muslin or clean tea towel strategically placed.

Another one of the numerous things I got wrong then. It wasn't about not being bothered, simply about not having enough hands. I wouldn't have left them unsupervised, but occasionally needed to give a bottle while pushing a pram and holding onto a toddler. Perhaps I should have let the toddle run in the road instead. Not everyone's life is the same.

I know someone who did it, with close supervision, because she had a jealous toddler who would physically attack other children including the baby, if mum had her hands full at feeding time.

There are parents who neglectfully prop feed, and there are others who carefully and intentionally prop feed for good reason.

It is lazy to prop a baby and walk off. Of course it is.

I had a baby and toddler - when baby needed feeding I would find somewhere suitable to feed and used to plan around feed times for the first 6-9 months. I wouldn’t feed on the go.

When did 'laziness' become the worst insult for mothers? Was it always there? From the days when you were judged on how your front step looked? Or has it crept back in since women started to use labour saving devices in the home and needed to be put back in their Bex?

Viva laziness. Efficiency I call it.

Yes there was clearly a lot of neglect going on but even if the child hadn't been physically abused and passed from pillar to post their carer propping their bottle and going to sleep would still have resulted in their death.
If a carer is supervising then I imagine the risk of choking is minimal as if the child started choking you could remove the bottle and pick them up.

Having a dirty front step isn't the same as putting your child at risk of choking though.

It's something I've seen when out and about but never thought about doing it myself.
However DD2 is on a prescription formula for CMPI and will take over an hour to have a bottle mostly made up of fighting and batting it away as she dislikes it so is certainly not a nurturing and bonding experience for me- more like a battle of wills!

I've done this with my second born.

He was an undiagnosed cmpa baby and comfort fed a lot.

He was born in March and didn't get diagnosed until end of August so it was an extremely stressful time with a baby who screamed all the time.

I remember once I had to do it as I had just left the baby clinic where he had a bottle before he left and did the half an hour walk home.
Half way there he was screaming for a feed. So I had to feed him propped in his pushchair.

However, I would never have left him alone with the bottle.

Lots of mums have pnd, or undiagnosed thyroid problems etc and are finding it really hard to bond, or have no energy to get through the day.
Lots of people quite neglectful too and can't be bothered, surprised mumsnet so naive. It's not good parenting but as people say above sometimes things are not perfect.

*Yeah. So the young women I work with have partners, ones they've fled because of violence. They have other loving caregivers, but they smoke meth. Or they are also 14-17. They have to do a load of education, groups and other improving things to prove to SWs that they can parent. All on buses. They are trying to get some qualifications, while dealing with their own addiction, trauma and abuse issues.

Some of them prop bottles while smoking cigarettes. Your judgy pants would leap up and strangle you. But they are trying so hard. Much harder than I ever did.*

I can appreciate that young women in this situation are having a very challenging time and may need lots of extra support, however this does not make 'bottle propping' (or smoking near your baby ) acceptable, as the baby is placed at risk. And wtf has buses got to do with it? I have fed babies on buses many times, no problem at all.

Wow at the judgements here.
If this were breastfeeding mums criticising bottlefeeding mums because preparing bottles can be dangerous if not washed properly, there would be outrage. Instead bottlefeeding mums are criticising other bottlefeeding mums whom they view as inferior. Yes propping is not good. But the 'oh but babies need cuddles' comments.
Nobody is thick enough to not realise that babies need cuddling. But bonding, intelligence, mental illness, abusive relationships, lack of parenting skills etc etc can impact the mother's ability/desire/whatever to cuddle that baby when it needs it.
A previous poster was correct saying that no health visitor specifically says not to do it. No wonder many mums struggle, when they are having to prove themselves to other mums.

I've breast and bottle fed. I personally think all safety information should be made available about preparing and feeding formula, alcohol/medication and bfing etc so parents can make an informed choice about risks. I can't see a situation where someone would HAVE to leave a child alone feeding tbh.
And trauma isn't an excuse to fuck up your kids health. Even if you can't give up smoking for eg someone would get zero sympathy from me if they couldn't even be bothered to step outside their back door to spare their child the effect of passive smoke.

The baby had no chance whether bottle was propped or not, what with the home life he seems to have.

Yes but tammy are you doing it unsupervised?

I agre blue I smoked for a decade before ds was born. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I didn’t touch another one. It’s not THAT hard

Nobody is thick enough to not realise that babies need cuddling. But bonding, intelligence, mental illness, abusive relationships, lack of parenting skills etc etc can impact the mother's ability/desire/whatever to cuddle that baby when it needs it.

All true, and parents in these situations should be given plenty of support to allow them to develop into a 'good enough' parent. However, if they can't or won't, then someone else needs to take over the care of the baby.

Christ, the judgement!!!

I think I may have been a bit "it's not difficult" judgy until recently when I took a job in a very deprived rural area. I since met parents with the lowest level of understanding, unable to read, from generations of neglectful parenting. Parents who absolutely don't have the resources (emotional, intellectual, financial) to parent like most people on this forum.

It's sad. We have a team of staff that try to work with these people to give them the resources to parent but they're in an environment where their parenting is the norm and they don't understand!

This is tragic and this mother is broken. We (most users on MN) will never understand her thought process or way of life but that is how people live.

Red what a fucking smug post. Perhaps you should be grateful for the fact you were able to quit.
You must be a perfect mother.
Blue as well.
Many mums I have met genuinely think the stress they feel trying to stop smoking is worse for the baby than carrying on.
They mustn't have your levels of education.
I worked with a mum whose baby was born addicted to heroin and she was utterly distraught at seeing it detox. Addicted babies scream and scream. I truly believe that 1. life experiences made it near impossible to detox and 2. that no amount of education would show her how awful it would be.
Thinking of your baby before it's born when the craving for drugs comes several times a day is pretty difficult. But hey, you wouldn't do it, Smuggy mc smug. Glad her health team didn't have your views some people hate themselves, probably so that when they receive hate like yours it doesn't hurt so much.
Perhaps bottle propping should be taught to mothers in the same way as sleeping positions.

Grumpy exactly. She has lost her baby. She must be distraught, there will never be a way out from that.
To criticise her from behind a keyboard is disgusting.
Have some fucking compassion.