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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed at seeing my possessions on Facebook

88 replies

Cindyloo99 · 09/02/2018 21:45

First post so here goes.
I split with my ex over a year ago. It wasn't a good split.

Just to give a bit of background it might be relevant to why I can't get my things back. He was having an affair with someone from work. I was sick at the time in and out of hospital and not working. He told me I had to leave the house because he was paying for it and if I stayed there he would stop paying the mortgage. I had just recently lost my dad and my job and was in a horrible place and couldn't take the constant nastiness so moved in with my mum.
After about a month of me leaving he moved the woman and her kids into the house we shared. I didn't want to go round there because I found it too upsetting. I asked him to pass my things on to a family member but this didn't happen and he said he didn't have time ! But would sort them out for me. Unfortunatly I have been really sick again and sent emails to him (not nastily but formally) listing my items and asking for them back.
These are not expensive items but they are personal to me. There are a few photos of family members who have passed, a few craft bits and bobs and an item of furniture given to me by a family member.
The thing is today on Facebook a sponsored add pops up for a business ! It happens to be his new gf who has set up some kind of beauty salon and on one of the pictures is my item of furniture ! I know it's mine because it's quite unique.
So i don't know what to think ! Has he given her my things ? She must know that it's mine so why does she want it.
How can I get them back ? Do I just have to give up ? X

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 09/02/2018 21:48

I would go to her salon and confront her. She might not be aware it was yours but I would certainly ask for it back and take it there and then.

Original poster
Cindyloo99 · 09/02/2018 21:49

I think the salon looks as if it's in some kind of garden shed so it's not like I can just walk in and I think being an anxious person would probably stop me doing that Hmmx

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 09/02/2018 21:54

Take a screenshot of it and then message her, explaining it is yours and you will be coming to collect it on such a date.

ThreeFish · 09/02/2018 21:56

If you don't feel you can confront her, send her a factual message on fb. Say it's yours, ex was to arrange to get it back to you etc. Then arrange for someone to go get it and other stuff.

Original poster
Cindyloo99 · 09/02/2018 21:59

I was kinda trying just to deal with him rather than messaging her directly. But yes you could be right I might have to ask her for them x

OP posts:
Eltonjohnssyrup · 09/02/2018 22:02

I think you need to send a family member around to collect. Email him a time and tell him that's when they're coming.

Original poster
Cindyloo99 · 09/02/2018 22:06

He doesn't reply to my emails he just ignores them x

OP posts:
fourandnomore · 09/02/2018 22:09

I would not give them warning, I would find out where the salon is (must be details of address if she has a fb page for it) and ask a friend who can help move it to go with you and remove it at the time explaining it is yours. There is really nothing she can do, it is yours.

Original poster
Cindyloo99 · 09/02/2018 22:12

The salon is at the house (the one that used to be mine Hmm) from the pictures it looks like it is in the back garden so not something I can just turn up at or send someone to x

Sorry I'm not sure how to tag someone's name in a post yet Blush

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 09/02/2018 22:18

You don't really have a huge number of option...

You can either go round and get your things - it'll be awkward, sure, but you'll have them;

You can send someone else to get your things, if you know someone that you trust to get everything and be calm;

Or you can give up, and decide it's not worth the hassle - and block her business so it doesn't rile you up.

Whatever you decide, id make the decision really quickly, just incase he hasn't kept all of the things you left. Furniture is likely to be kept if it's useful but he or his new partner probably won't want photos of your family around, for example. It'd be unreasonable for him to throw them away, but it's possible that he would/has.

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/02/2018 22:19

"Dear X (copy to the GF)

I have asked several times to make arrangements for the return of my personal possessions (see list attached). You agreed to return them and as yet have not done so.

If I do not hear from you within 7 days with firm arrangements to either return them or allow access for me to collect them I will have no choice but to take legal action. I will pursue all and any costs incurred by me, including compensation for any lost or damaged items.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Cindy"

Screenshot the pic of your furniture as proof he still has it. And then see a solicitor.

Original poster
Cindyloo99 · 09/02/2018 22:26

I'm sure that a family member would be happy to go round for me. That is what I tried to arrange in the first place but he said he didn't have the time.
I'm not wanting to take anything that they need or use even though I may have paid for those things fridges, sofas etc.
I suppose I did maybe need someone to say give up though Confused. I think it's just the fact that I had this piece of furniture before I even knew him. I had painted and decoupaged it so it's really distinctive ! I think I even painted my name on the back of it on italic writing Blush. It's not just like it's from ikea and anyone could have it it's so obviously mine. I understand it's useful but why would you want it around ? X

OP posts:
IamPickleRick · 09/02/2018 22:32

Book a beauty treatment. Leave with the chair.

IamPickleRick · 09/02/2018 22:33

Ah. Sideboard then 😂

QuestaVecchiaCasa · 09/02/2018 22:37

Forgive me if I have got this wrong, but is your name still on the mortgage? If it is you really ought to take formal steps to have your name taken off if possible, because, if your ex stops paying, the mortgage company could pursue you for outstanding money.

Original poster
Cindyloo99 · 09/02/2018 22:40

No my name has been removed from the mortgage already x

OP posts:
Haffiana · 09/02/2018 23:06

So, hang on a minute. You have never made the effort to go and collect your things, and you do not have your things.

Don't you think there might be a connection there? Why are you leaving it to him to get your things back to you?

FannyWisdom · 09/02/2018 23:08

Hello and welcome to Mnet.
Good opening topic
now brace

Original poster
Cindyloo99 · 09/02/2018 23:08

I have made the effort to ask for them back. He didn't want me round at the house I couldn't just go round to his house walk in and take them back could I ?

OP posts:
Haffiana · 09/02/2018 23:10

Yes you could. Of course you could. He has your things. You are entitled to them as they are yours.

Original poster
Cindyloo99 · 09/02/2018 23:11

I have sent several emails and messages asking when would be convinent to pick them up. I have even tried to liaise with a member of his family to get them back. I'm not at the point or ever will be of going round there and causing a scene Hmm

OP posts:
Haffiana · 09/02/2018 23:13

They are your things. If he is keeping them from you that is called stealing. You do not have to create a scene to tell him very simply that if he denies you access to your things then you will report it to the police.

Original poster
Cindyloo99 · 09/02/2018 23:13

She has children in the house. I wouldn't know if they would be there or not. My ex can be verbally abusive. As much as I would dearly like my things back I don't want to cause them any upset x

OP posts:
Original poster
Cindyloo99 · 09/02/2018 23:14

The police is not really an option x

OP posts:
Haffiana · 09/02/2018 23:15

Then I guess you will have to put up with looking at your stuff on Facebook. But the truth is that there is nothing stopping you getting your stuff except yourself.