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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed at seeing my possessions on Facebook

88 replies

Cindyloo99 · 09/02/2018 21:45

First post so here goes.
I split with my ex over a year ago. It wasn't a good split.

Just to give a bit of background it might be relevant to why I can't get my things back. He was having an affair with someone from work. I was sick at the time in and out of hospital and not working. He told me I had to leave the house because he was paying for it and if I stayed there he would stop paying the mortgage. I had just recently lost my dad and my job and was in a horrible place and couldn't take the constant nastiness so moved in with my mum.
After about a month of me leaving he moved the woman and her kids into the house we shared. I didn't want to go round there because I found it too upsetting. I asked him to pass my things on to a family member but this didn't happen and he said he didn't have time ! But would sort them out for me. Unfortunatly I have been really sick again and sent emails to him (not nastily but formally) listing my items and asking for them back.
These are not expensive items but they are personal to me. There are a few photos of family members who have passed, a few craft bits and bobs and an item of furniture given to me by a family member.
The thing is today on Facebook a sponsored add pops up for a business ! It happens to be his new gf who has set up some kind of beauty salon and on one of the pictures is my item of furniture ! I know it's mine because it's quite unique.
So i don't know what to think ! Has he given her my things ? She must know that it's mine so why does she want it.
How can I get them back ? Do I just have to give up ? X

OP posts:
Original poster
Cindyloo99 · 10/02/2018 13:05

Thank you Acrossthepond I don't feel that I signed them with any force at that point I just wanted to be free and obviously I was very hurt by what had happened and felt like it was the best thing to do.
With further reading on google it seems that it might be possible to file a case with the small claims court for the value of the items. I don't really want money I would just like them back. As I said they are not worth anything really maybe a couple of hundred pounds but they are personal to me.
Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply to me Flowers

OP posts:
EatTheChocolateTeapot · 10/02/2018 13:14

Go with family members when you know he will be around, send family member to fetch your items. He is being ridiculous but he might hand them out if someone is asking athis doorstep.

Original poster
Cindyloo99 · 10/02/2018 16:18

He has just replied to my email saying that all my things were taken to the tip after the last time I asked for them.
That he would welcome legal action as he would like to sue me for slander for the "lies" I have told about him Confused

OP posts:
Motoko · 10/02/2018 16:54

Screenshot the pic on FB and tell him you want that item back. He won't be able to do anything about the so called slander, so he's just spouting bullshit.

Original poster
Cindyloo99 · 10/02/2018 16:58

Yeah I have done that and he's said it's his because I left it there. The other smaller items he has said he took them to the tip after the last time I asked Sad

OP posts:
ForgivenessIsDivine · 10/02/2018 17:58

Go round with family member and the picture from Facebook when you know she will be there and ask for it back.

AcrossthePond55 · 10/02/2018 22:35

It sounds as if he's 'semi' admitted that the one item IS yours in that message. You may want to cc them to his girlfriend just so that she knows she is using, in essence, stolen property. It may not prompt her to do anything, but at least she'll know.

I think you'd have a small claims case. But it may be that the cost of filing could be more than the actual value of the item(s). Not that that would matter to me if it were something very precious.

AcrossthePond55 · 10/02/2018 22:37

Is there any way a family member whose name he wouldn't recognize could book an appointment at her 'salon' for a time when asshole will be at work, then you both show up with the picture and the messages?

Original poster
Cindyloo99 · 10/02/2018 23:32

Little update. I contacted him by email politely asking for my things back. He replied saying he had taken them to the tip. I told him I knew this wasn't true as I had seen one of my items in a Facebook post. I then said I would have to seek some legal advice if that was the case.
He then said that he would see me in court and be seeking his own legal advice in relation to slander ? This is based on the fact that I told certain members of his family exactly how we broke up and that he had been cheating etc.
He went on to say that I had caused him and his girlfriend a lot of problems with his family by divulging this information (stronger words but don't want to swear on here)
Later on in the day he admitted that he does still have my things but that he won't be giving them back because of the trouble (again the telling the truth to family) that I have caused him.
He said that I haven't mentioned any of the nice things he did for me like helping me while I was sick.
At the moment I'm getting really conflicting advice from family members some saying go round and demand your things others saying just leave it because it's obviously causing upset.
Again thanks so much for replying I really appreciate it

OP posts:
Flopjustwantscoffee · 10/02/2018 23:44

Do you mind other people swearing on here? Because he really is a wanker (and reading between the lines other members of his own family seem to think so too)

starrysights · 10/02/2018 23:52

I am pretty sure in the past a MNetter on here was able to go back to the house with a police officer who ensured that she got her possessions back? You have the proof now that he still has them as he’s admitted it so perhaps that could be an option?

Bloomed · 10/02/2018 23:52

Truth is a defence to slander tell him. But being annoyed with you isn't a defence to theft.

Original poster
Cindyloo99 · 10/02/2018 23:53

No not at all lol I just wasn't sure if it was against the rules and I didn't want to get the post removed.
Yeah he's a devil dick alright Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Cindyloo99 · 10/02/2018 23:55

Don't know if I mentioned earlier but getting the police involved might be tricky because he works for them as does his girlfriend mum and two other members of the family Confused

OP posts:
Bloomed · 10/02/2018 23:56

Then he should know the rules!
Even more reason to get the police Grin

Original poster
Cindyloo99 · 11/02/2018 00:00

Haha Bloomed Grin

OP posts:
Shadow666 · 11/02/2018 00:02

Look, on Sunday morning go round with a family member and pick them up. Then be done with it. Dragging it out and getting into arguments isn’t helping anyone.

GottadoitGottadoit · 11/02/2018 00:10

Just go round there. If he’s still got your things then I am sure he won’t mind giving you them back. Who wants other people’s crap hanging round? If he doesn’t then at least you can just put it behind you and move on knowing you did what you could.

At the minute you just seem to be waffing around in no mans land expecting them to just turn up.

fridayrain · 11/02/2018 00:10

I understand your reluctance because of your anxiety and the fact he's being a dick. But go round there tomorrow with a friend/family member and demand your belongings back. If he refuses say that you are not leaving until you have them and if he won't give you them then you will phone the police there and then. Be prepared to do this. I think he will be massively reluctant to have his and his familys colleagues calling to his home for a personal dispute. Surely this would be more humiliating to him than just giving you your stuff back?!

PoshPenny · 11/02/2018 00:16

Go round with a friend/relative and get your dressing table back. If she is running a beauty salon from a shed in the garden, then if you're feeling a bit spiteful, dob her in to the planning enforcement team at your local planning authority.

Original poster
Cindyloo99 · 11/02/2018 00:23

Yeah I can see that it seems like I am not actively doing anything about it by not going round and demanding them. But yes this is my anxiety more than anything and it's really hard to overcome.
I was just hoping that I could be a coward and send someone else at an agreed time but that's not going to work.
Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Cindyloo99 · 11/02/2018 00:26

In fact if anything has been achieved today it's that I have learnt that I need to get more help with the anxiety x

OP posts:
headhurtstoomuch · 11/02/2018 00:32

Contact your local police station and ask them for help? The fact he and others work for the police shouldn’t put you off. In fact I’d be using that as the leverage to get the items back.

AcrossthePond55 · 11/02/2018 01:54

If he works for the police I'd be contacting my local precinct and speaking to a Watch Commander or Sgt in Charge to politely explain and ask if it's considered a police matter when someone keeps property that they acknowledge does not belong to them when the owner has requested its return. I probably wouldn't mention he worked for the police until I got through to the Commander. And I'd leave the gf out of it (for now).

fireflame · 11/02/2018 02:10

Anxiety is a monster
But.... don't let him away with this go to the house not on your own ask nicely for your belongings try and put your phone on record
And I bet she's not all legal regarding her little business
God I would have a field day with them
Maybe would be worth a visit to citizens advice
Just a thought
Good luck you poor thing 🙉

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