What's the most selfish thing your DH has done?

[Rosiie]

DH was hungry and I decided to make some chicken wraps with lettuce and mayo as a snack because we were about to get a takeaway later on. I told him there was only two tortilla wraps, me and DS would share one and DH could have the other one. He then says he had nothing to eat all day and he was hungry, and then I said so you want both wraps then? And he’s like whatever. Clearly he was upset about it and I thought to myself wow, how selfish is that! He wanted to eat it all while leaving me and DS sitting there hungry 😒

He thinks of nothing eating food in front of the DC without giving them anything, they will literally sit there and look at him eating. I share everything with my DC, anything I eat they eat, when serving food I’ll always give people the best piece of meat, best piece of everything while I eat what’s left. Even if it’s a few scraps of food.

So what’s the most selfish thing your DH/DP has done?

[arethereanyleftatall]

Dh had an affair.
A majorly selfish thing, but One of the reasons I'm happy to try and to work through it, is that day to day, he would never ever do any of the 'little' selfish things listed here.

[RedDogsBeg]

I guess so Rosiie but I treat people how I would like to be treated myself and just don't/won't put up with anything less and neither should you, you deserve consideration, respect and to be treated as an equal as we all do. Doing things for an easier life only makes your life harder, less fulfilling and less happy.

I'm glad you have plans, please improve your life you are worth it, please convince yourself of that.

[Eliza9917]

My h2b isn't selfish at all, he's always asking me if I want anything from the kitchen, he'll always go to the shop if we need something in the evening, if he makes something to eat or drink he'll ask if I want something, he'll do anything I ask him to (except buy me a Range Rover though he said I can have an old one - which is the shape I like - for £4-6k), he does his share of the housework. He's def. a keeper

Ha, I've just thought, if he wants me to do anything for him he asks really apologetically, but I do loads for him
too, because I want to, if I don't I tell him I'm not doing anything today. But we don't have kids and there's no resentment about doing things for each other.

[Eliza9917]

But, I've paid my dues with my exes and truly appreciate the DP I have now. Like Reddogsbeg said above, please realise you are worth more and don't put up with being treated like shit. You could move on, meet someone fantastic and be happier than you've ever thought.

[cleofatra]

Hmm, mine was:
Decided he wanted to fly abroad home so he could have a 50th birthday dinner with his friends as I was nursing my dying Father. My Father died the day before DH birthday and I was left alone with the kids to deal with all of that plus the funeral which he didn't make it back for,

[Rosiie]

RedDogsBeg I know I deserve better, guess who had to clean up after the takeaway? Me! While he’s slumped on the sofa like a lump of lard 😒. He’s an only child and comes from a home where the mother did everything for him. I have done everything and he’s used to that, when I moan about him to my mum she always says it’s my fault because I have done everything and has enabled him, I know that. In a way I’m happy that I have had this experience with him because I now know what I want in a relationship, I will never let anyone treat me like this again. I also think it’s very important to let the man know very early on in the relationship what’s expected from him and what you won’t put up with. Men like to test the waters and see what they can get away with, unfortunately my DH(don’t really like to call him that) did just that and has got away with a lot over the years, was very young when I married him and didn’t really know much about men but I’ve learned a lot from this marriage and I’m just grateful for that.
You learn from your mistakes and I've certainly have.

Eliza yes he's definitely a keeper :) you're one lucky woman.

[DarkPeakScouter]

Holy cow! Why are you marrying yourself re meals? That’s not a great example to set for your children

[PerfectlyDone]

Had an affair - for 4 years until I found out.

We 'worked through it'.

Then he had another affair - he is my STBXH and I am gutted, angry, disbelieving, relieved and sad in equal measure.

[RedDogsBeg]

Rosiie make those plans and put them into action.

You are right - make clear at the outset what you will and will not accept then there is no chance of a whingy "but I thought...", firm, clear boundaries leave no room for doubt and if the other person can't/won't accept that they can go. It is also good to model to children what they should and shouldn't accept, they do take their cues from how the adults around them behave.

We do all learn from our mistakes, there is nothing wrong with making a mistake the problem comes when you repeat it and it's good to hear that you have learnt from it and are now older (sorry!) and much wiser.

I'm hoping that in not too long a space of time you will come back and tell us that your husband has gone back home to his mother and you are enjoying your freedom. Take care of yourself.

[Evenbetter]

Oh god, my mother is heavily into martyrdom, she does the thing of eating scraps and giving males the best bits and biggest portions, and hovers round them like a servant.

[Evenbetter]

You didn’t have to clean up, you chose to.
Men as a group don’t like to test the water to see what they’ll get away with....this is something that abusers/general scumbags do, the penis is irrelevent. Avoid wankers=happy life.

[MrsJoshDun]

Dh frequently goes on holiday without telling me. So I will find out the day before as he starts packing. Goes with friends on sports holidays.

We’ve been away together once in the last 15 years. Apparantly he finds none activity holidays boring.

So I have to take dd away on my own. Normally camping as I can’t afford anything else. One time I saved up and took her abroad. Asked dh if he would pay some money for dd (his dd) and he said no, said if I wanted to take her away I had to pay. Oh and I work part time because of his job/he has to go away last minute with work a lot.....so I’m skint and he’s loaded.

[RedDogsBeg]

MrsJoshDun so a married man with a child behaving as if he is still single then? No commitment to you and your daughter just to himself?

[arethereanyleftatall]

Mrsjosh - that's awful isn't it? Not just a bit selfish, but ltb territory?

[Quartz2208]

Mrsjoshdun without being rude why are you with him

[RaindropsAndSparkles]

Some things he's selfish about

Has bought two houses without consultation
A very expensive sports car
Has always had a week's ski-ing. Turned into a special week with DS (now 23)
Football season ticket (took ds as soon as old enough)
Doesn't cook, clean or launder
Didn't do school runs, childcare or parents' eves.

Also a workaholic. There have been plenty of upsides and he is good, kind, and generous. He lets me couldn't give a flying fuck about chose kitchens, curtains, extensions, landscaping, colour schemes, pictures, etc.

Occasionally has to be reminded that I am his greatest asset

He can be very very selfish about bed space and the duvet. But not on purpose as he's asleep.

[Rosiie]

RedDogsBeg, yes I'll let you know once I get rid of him. Thank you ☺️


Evenbetter I didn't have to clean, I chose to because nobody else fucking does anything here besides me. I can't handle mess so I end up cleaning, he's also one of those scumbags who leaves his clothes on the floor. There was a time when I simply refused to tidy up after him and he left some clothes in the bathroom after a bath, it was there for two days I couldn't handle it anymore so I took it and put it in the wash, and that's how I got into doing everything. The bastard knows I can't handle mess.

[Notthesoap]

I think I understood from OPs opening post that she means if she is eating something and her kids want some she lets them have the best bits. I don't think she purposely starves her family all day only to have them sit around at her feet gawping longingly at her food!! I do the same with my kids, if they've eaten breakfast early and then I finally get round to having mine (usually boiled eggs and toast) I let them have some as well as they are only young. Its called sharing and putting others before yourself. Not a fucking alien concept is it although it is for some on here clearly.

Why do people on mumsnet find it hard to imagine easy-to-imagine scenarios. Pisses me right off when everyone jumps on the bandwagon being deliberately obtuse!

As for OP's dh, it was selfish of him. Even if I was really hungry, if my partner and kids wanted to share a chicken wrap I would have said 'ok, you have that, and I'll male my self something else'. OP's dh could have done something similar. Or indeed op could have suggested she make something else for her and her DC. It's called compromise.

[GummyGoddess]

@MrsJoshDun Would you not be better off divorcing him and receiving maintenance? It's not just that his attitude to you is horrendous, it's his attitude to his child!

[Noideaatall]

DP's parents looked after my DS1 (from a previous relationship) while I was in labour with our first child together. Around 2 hours after DS2 was born they'd brought DS1 into the delivery room. When they arrived they said to DP, it's lunchtime, shall we go and have lunch? Then the three of them went out to a nice restaurant to celebrate, leaving me alone in the hospital room with DS1 & DS2 (3 hours old)...

[RedDogsBeg]

Good luck Rosiie, put a high value on yourself and remember you are worth it.

[Namethecat]

When we are watching a film and 2 people are fleeing a peril of some kind and the second person falls, gets tired or has been caught etc my oh is exasperated and comments that that person is stupid to put themself at risk ! I think - I hope I'm not near you if we have a apocalypse or anything !

[Appuskidu]

Moaning that his feet hurt after I’d been in labour for 18 hours!


Only in jest though, so I won’t complain.

Honestly-some of these stories are awful-I don’t know how you put up with such horribleness :(

[G120810]

It's not very clear had u and DC have lunch before if not it should have been shared if u had already had food then no but u could have made something else and u can't feed DC everytime he sees food it's different to do it on occasion not every meal are u giving him a meal or u sharing