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AIBU?

What's the most selfish thing your DH has done?

145 replies

Rosiie · 09/02/2018 15:29

DH was hungry and I decided to make some chicken wraps with lettuce and mayo as a snack because we were about to get a takeaway later on. I told him there was only two tortilla wraps, me and DS would share one and DH could have the other one. He then says he had nothing to eat all day and he was hungry, and then I said so you want both wraps then? And he’s like whatever. Clearly he was upset about it and I thought to myself wow, how selfish is that! He wanted to eat it all while leaving me and DS sitting there hungry 😒

He thinks of nothing eating food in front of the DC without giving them anything, they will literally sit there and look at him eating. I share everything with my DC, anything I eat they eat, when serving food I’ll always give people the best piece of meat, best piece of everything while I eat what’s left. Even if it’s a few scraps of food.

So what’s the most selfish thing your DH/DP has done?

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Lucyccfc · 09/02/2018 22:25

My DH decided to sleep in my hospital bed whilst I was in labour, whilst I was left with a chair.

Bought our DS nothing for his 2nd birthday as he didn't need to because I had bought him something.

Used to go out every weekend to football with no discussion and left me looking after DS.

Stole £800 that I had saved up to make the garden child proof for DS.

Would spend all his money going to football and out drinking and leaving me to pay the mortgage and bills.


He is my ex-H now and I kept the house that I had bought and paid for. I am happily single, without all the stress and unhappiness of living with a selfish DH.

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MajesticWhine · 09/02/2018 22:45

I had minor surgery and was sitting, the same day, on the sofa recovering. DH got home from work, didn’t ask me how I was, and decided to go on his rowing machine and got 12 year old DD to cook the dinner.

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MrsJoshDun · 09/02/2018 22:56

I’d like to. Am getting my ducks in a row, slowly. Although I do think I’m making excuses while I get ready mentally to go. He wouldn’t leave so I will have to. I can’t make him leave can I? Dd would stay with her dad I think as she wouldn’t want to leave the nice house.

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Rosiie · 09/02/2018 23:02

Can't believe some of the things I'm reading here, some men are so selfless. I'm glad some of you have left these selfish bastards.

I'm just curious RedDogsBeg I admire your don't give a fuck attitude, have you always been like this? Or did something happen in your past that made you like this?

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MsVestibule · 09/02/2018 23:02

mrsjoshdun I'm no divorce expert, but if you're the primary care giver, wouldn't you be able to stay in the marital home? Not sure how that would work in practice if he refuses to leave, though.

Seriously, please see a family lawyer so you can work out what you and your husband are entitled to. Your situation sounds awful.

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Sophisticatedsarcasm · 09/02/2018 23:15

My DP isn’t really too selfish, but one thing that proper annoys me is if he comes shopping with me as soon as he has his stuff, he wants to go home so tries saying things like oh I’m really tired or my legs hurt. And also subtly hints he wants to go. Sometimes I intentionally go into shops I don’t want to after he says that and other times it grates on my nerves so I give up and vow to do it whilst I’m not with him.

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ChipInTheSugar · 09/02/2018 23:35

Exp refused to get me treatment for awful conjunctivitis whilst on holiday. When he caught it two days later, surprise surprise he was straight out with the travel insurance docs.

Also only took two of his four DC on holiday one one particular occasion. Left the other two at home with me.

Twat.

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hollowtree · 10/02/2018 11:20

Oh no... the story I have about my DH is the kind of thing everyone's EX has done 😯

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RedDogsBeg · 10/02/2018 12:49

Rosiie interesting question, sorry for the delay in replying.

I would put it down to having very strong female role models, my mum and both my grandmothers. Also, due to my father's career where and how I was educated.

I did laugh at you describing me as having a 'don't give a fuck' attitude, my husband describes me affectionately as fierce and I would describe him as you described meGrin. However, he too had very strong female role models in his mother (who I adore) and his paternal grandmother and he has always been attracted to strong women which is why we get on so well and have been together for a very long time. We see each other as equal but with different and complementary strengths and weaknesses and mutually respect one another.

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KurriKurri · 10/02/2018 12:55

Run off with a woman younger than my grown up children and told them he wasn't doing anything wrong just beinging a new person into our lives to love. (also told them he wanted to have more children who would be better than them)

Needless to say he is now an X arsehole H.

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GummyGoddess · 10/02/2018 13:00

@MrsJoshDun No, why would you leave? If it's mortgaged then either you could be entitled to stay in it while caring for your DD or it will be sold and you will get a proportion of the equity. Either way, stay put until your solicitor advises you to.

You can't leave your DD with a man who is happy for her to go without, you don't know what he'll start deciding she doesn't need! Besides, he may not want her when he realises how much she costs and she would have to leave anyway.

Go and sort a good solicitor out and don't breathe a word of it to anyone until you have provided them with all the paperwork they need.

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Rosiie · 11/02/2018 10:40

Yes, you have the kind of attitude I’ve always wanted to have, and it took me a while to get there. In fact I read this book “ Why Men Love Bitches” by Sherry Argov, it changed the way I looked at things and my marriage. I’m the girl she describes in the book, the nice girl the one who jumps through hoops to please someone. DH used to tell me how nice his friends wives were and the things they did for them. And like an idiot I tried to do the same things to please him. She describes in the book early on some men will try and test the water, to see how far you will go to please them, and that’s when I realised what he was trying to do by telling me about his friends wives. Otherwise why the fuck would he tell me? I have two DS who’s 20 months and 5 years old and one DD who’s 4, I don’t want my DS growing up thinking that’s how you treat a woman and I don’t want my DD to think it’s acceptable to be treated like that and it’s normal to jump through hoops for a man. I also want to teach both my DS how to cook, clean and take care of themselves because one day these lovely boys will be husbands other women and I don’t want them to think the wives should be at their beck and call. I don’t want them to be like DH and feel entitled to everything, relationship is about being partners and being a team. No one deserves more than the other, and no one is more entitled to something than the other. I could write a book about everything DH has done and how lazy and selfish he is, but I don’t want to bore you ;). I’m in my late 20s, 28 to be exact and I know exactly what I want in my next relationship my standards are indeed high. Maybe too high, God knows. This marriage has taught me many things, to be independent, always stand by what you believe, to stand your ground and to never be at someone’s beck and call again. And to not give a flying fuck about what anyone thinks of you. I used to worry about what DH thought of me, MIL, SIL etc. God I’ve changed. But all I know is I don’t want to settle for less, and I do wonder if I will find someone who will tick all the boxes, and if I don’t find him the that is also ok. To be alone is better than to be in a unhappy relationship.

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Rosiie · 11/02/2018 10:42

RedDogsBeg 😁

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Rosiie · 11/02/2018 10:44

I do wonder sometimes if we are all married to the same man here on MN. I've lost count how many times I've read "treading on eggshells", " protecting my DC from his mood swings ". That is exactly what I do..

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speakout · 11/02/2018 10:51

I am that bitch- I started off in life trying too hard to please men.

The men that seemed the keenest on me were always the ones I treated indifferently. The ones I bent over backwards for seemed to treat me like shit.

I now have a lovely relationship ( of 20 years) with a man that treats me like a goddess. I invest a lot of energy and love into myself and I know he respects me because of it.

Men love a chase- and even after 20 years my OH feels he hasn't "conquered" me, he knows that if he walked out of the door I would go on to have a happy life.
And that keeps him very keen.
Our relationship is lovely, and we communicate well, -he feels he is punching above his weight- and I rather like it that way.

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Rosiie · 11/02/2018 13:46

speakout exactly! That's also what the author in the book says : " When a man sees you are happy with him but you can be just as happy having nothing to do with him, that’s when he won’t want to leave your side. When you are happy, you are sexy".

That's so spot on! When you try too hard they don't give a shit. I know this from experience.

Did you read the book?

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speakout · 11/02/2018 13:51

Rosiie no I haven't read the book- just came to my own conclusions on this. just my own experiences and watching other people in their relationships.
Interesting others see it this way too.

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RedDogsBeg · 11/02/2018 13:54

Rosiie sounds to me like you are well on the way, set those high standards don't think you have failed in your marriage view it as an experience you have learnt from and one you won't repeat.

Relationships are a partnership and a team there is give and take and compromise but the give and take has to be equal not one person bending themselves out of shape to please or mollify the other. Both parties are of equal worth and value and should respect one another.

The correct answer to the "well, so and so does x for their husband" is "Good for them, I'm not so and so and I'm not doing x" much like with children and teenagers who say "all my friends are allowed x".

I'm sure you will find someone, I don't think my husband is particularly unusual, but start as you mean to go on, leave no room for doubt as to what you expect and what you will or will not accept.

You will be an excellent role model for your children.

Don't put yourself down and worry about what people will think of you, people will either like and accept you or not for who you are and if they don't that's their loss, they are not worth your time or attention.

I am saddened by the amount of threads where OPs say they are 'treading on eggshells' in order to protect their children from their dh's moods, that's no life, a partnership shouldn't be like that, it should be happy and fulfilling for both parties.

All the very best for your future, I have a feeling it's going to be a great one.Flowers

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Rosiie · 11/02/2018 14:16

Aww thank you RedDogsBeg I try my best Blush.

I also see many threads here where the OPs have been with their DHs for 15-20 years and they've known for the last 10 years it wasn't working, I've only been with the bastard for 6 years and thank the lord im getting out now while my DC are young.

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yetmorecrap · 11/02/2018 14:30

When we had been married 8 years and had a 7 year old, he Wrote a load of longing emotional songs /poems all about a 21 year old who worked with us, (he was 42) recorded them, sang and played on them and then left them in a drawer, only for me to find 11 years later . I am still not sure if I will ever get over the shock of the words and playing the CDs. It's a good job he was away at the time or I seriously think I would have assaulted him. It's not just what he did, it's the fact he couldn't be arsed to get rid of the evidence!! Apparently just a one sided crush/short term obsession that went too far so I am told. I always think what if he had died and I had found this stuff with no closure to be had, very selfish I feel

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