What's the most selfish thing your DH has done?

[Rosiie]

DH was hungry and I decided to make some chicken wraps with lettuce and mayo as a snack because we were about to get a takeaway later on. I told him there was only two tortilla wraps, me and DS would share one and DH could have the other one. He then says he had nothing to eat all day and he was hungry, and then I said so you want both wraps then? And he’s like whatever. Clearly he was upset about it and I thought to myself wow, how selfish is that! He wanted to eat it all while leaving me and DS sitting there hungry 😒

He thinks of nothing eating food in front of the DC without giving them anything, they will literally sit there and look at him eating. I share everything with my DC, anything I eat they eat, when serving food I’ll always give people the best piece of meat, best piece of everything while I eat what’s left. Even if it’s a few scraps of food.

So what’s the most selfish thing your DH/DP has done?

[ItsAllABitStrangeReally]

No one likes a Martyr dear.

[pictish]

“I have a vision of your DC begging like dogs to be allowed a morsel. Do they stare hopefully at anyone eating?”

Tbh I pictured something similar. I think it’s unusual to be compelled to give your kids bits of whatever you’re eating, like they are household pets or something. My food is my food. They don’t beg or expect food off my plate. I’ve never given them it. Why would I? They have their own food.
I picture them hovering around people eating, expecting a tit bit.

[SendintheArdwolves]

I'm going to paste a post from a few years ago - I'm really sorry, i can't remember who wrote it, but I saved it because I thought it was so wise and insightful:

Boys and men are raised believing their wants matter and that they are entitled to be happy in a way not many girls are - in fact girls are trained the opposite, that to be good and loveable they should put themselves last. So it can seem to women that men are being stunningly selfish and manipulative, because rather than biting their tongues and going without and bending over backwards to accommodate others, they say what they want and aren't in the least embarrassed to do what it takes to get it, up to and including taking advantage of the fact the women in their lives are trained to feel responsible for their happiness. So the two dynamics play very well together to keep a lot of women living lives of quiet desperation and self sacrifice, and a lot of men quite perfectly satisfied thank you, without ever thinking they'd a done anything more than be assertive. Thank you the patriarchy!

[Mrsmadevans]

Now look here OP , 2 wraps are not enough for 2 adults and a child even if it was a snack in my book. However he does sound selfish and/or thoughtless to eat in front of the DC and not give them food too . YANBU OP

[Mrsmadevans]

Wow Wolves that is excellent thank you my dear!

[GrouchyKiwi]

OP it was selfish of him, but did he actually eat them both? I also agree with PPs who say you're setting your DS up to be selfish if he expects things from you that are yours.

The most selfish thing my DH has ever done involved breaking a promise. I was unwell, both physically and mentally, during his busiest month of work when he also had an evening commitment every week that culminated in an all day event at the weekend. Because of this he was home late pretty much every night for that month, leaving me as SAHM to do everything with the children and without any breaks. (Our children are aged 5, 3 and 1.)

So to help me recover from my illness we agreed - and he agreed with his boss - that he'd finish early most nights in the following month. Except he didn't, he stayed late in bed every morning instead, meaning he worked late to make up his hours.

He realised his selfishness and apologised, but it did knock me back a bit.

[formerbabe]

when serving food I’ll always give people the best piece of meat, best piece of everything while I eat what’s left. Even if it’s a few scraps of food

I do this too

[derxa]

If I had had nothing to eat all day and you had come up with this tortilla wrap nonsense I would told you to shove it. I would have made myself plain toast rather than that palaver.

[elisenbrunnen]

Um - so you thought that he could have one wrap, and you and dc could have half each? Ok, I'd do that too (DP = physical job, big bloke, needs the food in a way I don't as SAHM)

But to have both, while you and dc go hungry? In what universe is that ok?

[BlindAssassin1]

I don't see that the OP was being a martyr so much that they were all a bit hungry and had enough to go round for everyone to have a bit. The DH got the sulks because he thought he ought to have it all because re SendintheArdwolves post above he has the belief that his needs go first.

Its a different version of the 'man sized meals' threads you get at Christmas, when the MIL serves a tiny portion for the DIL because ladeezzz don't need so much food as the menz, and consequently the DIL spends the rest of the day starving hungry. And grumpy.

The OP's DH was being an entitled selfish arse, and why the hell hadn't a grown man managed to feed himself to that point in the day?!

[NotSoSprightly]

Also at those suggesting that the OP forces her children to eat whenever she does. She obviously meant if they want something she has, she doesn't mind sharing. I don't think it's hard to understand.

[Chickoletta]

What a horrible thread! My DH is the most selfless person I know and I have no desire to whinge about him on MN.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

If I had had nothing to eat all day and you had come up with this tortilla wrap nonsense I would told you to shove it. I would have made myself plain toast rather than that palaver

Just to clarify, you think it’s a massive parlva for two wraps one assumes each one is cut into two to be shared but that it’s ok to have a temper tantrum?

[Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar]

It wasn't a "snack" for him, was it? It was his lunch. Why did you have to gather the entire family round to share the spoils, instead of just letting him have his bloody lunch??

[AngelsSins]

In the nicest possible way, grow a backbone OP! You didn't need to offer him both, you don't need to share all your food with your kids, you don't need to always give the best bits to everyone else, and most of all, when your "lord and master" announces he's hungry, you don't need to jump up and cook for him!

[hadthesnip]

Sounds like your DH was a bit selfish & you should all have shared BUT why not avoid all this palaver & make enough for all 3 of you to eat (if not enough wraps then something else) or just get the sodding takeaway early.

I do wonder how some people exist.

[IceBearRocks]

Yeah I'd have let him have both wraps and found something else for me and DC !!!!

[Ginkypig]

There is absolutely no reason to leave yourself with just scraps. If you are then your not calculating the portions properly when the meal is cooked! Unless you are living without the ability to provide enough food for a proper portion each which obviously means there are other issues that need looked at.

[Faffette]

Duchessgummybuns, that broke my heart reading that. Poor you.

[Rosiie]

Chickoletta.. well congratulations for having a selfless DH, not everyones married to man like your DH.


I think some of you might have misunderstood me. When I said everything I eat my children eat I didn't mean it literally, what I meant was if they had their lunch at 12-13 and I'm having mine later I don't mind sharing with them or letting them taste something. But if they've just eaten I wouldn't share with them, whereas my DH will not share anything with them. That's the difference.

And maybe I'm wrong but I just can't help serving people first and giving them the best, whereas my DH will serve himself first etc.

We've had problems in our marriage and his selfishness is one of the problems.

[PoorYorick]

Well this is odd.

[PoorYorick]

Well what does he say when you talk to him about his lack of consideration? And why doesn't he feed himself during the day if he's hungry?

[AngelsSins]

It wasn't a "snack" for him, was it? It was his lunch. Why did you have to gather the entire family round to share the spoils, instead of just letting him have his bloody lunch??

And he's incapable of feeding himself if he's hungry because...?

[ReanimatedSGB]

Be careful, OP. Women who have a deep attachment to the idea that it would be wicked and selfish for them to eat as much as they want, and that the best food must always be given to men and boys, are at risk of developing eating disorders - and, if they have DDs, giving those DDs bad ideas about food, and about themselves.

[AcrossthePond55]

The OP's DH was being an entitled selfish arse, and why the hell hadn't a grown man managed to feed himself to that point in the day?!

Exactly!! The day my DH says "I'm hungry"* and I jump up to make him a sammie is the day they can take my #NastyWoman card away and banish me from the sisterhood.

*DH would never do this in the first place. Although we've BOTH been known to pull the old "Oh, if you're going to the kitchen can you grab me an apple/few biscuits/bag of crisps" as the other walks in that general direction. But even then neither of us would say to fix or cook us something!