To ask a question on daughters

[MTB45]

Does the drama get any better as they get older?

Mine is only 7 and she is so full of drama this school year as are many of her friends according to the mums. Regular tears and tantrums because so and so was mean or somebody said this or someone fell out with someone else.

I have an older son and he was fairly easy to Manage with very little drama.

A good friend of mine tells me it gets much worse when they are teens before it gets better!

Please give me some hope......

Scabbersley if that was for me I don't think all girls are like that. These girls tried to kill her. Some boys do bad things, so do some girls. My daughter was systematically abused by these girls for 3 years so I will call them whatever I like.

I went to middle school with a very akward not quite "typical" boy (would bang his head on the table when he didn't give the correct answer etc.)

He was horribly bullied and ... abused (?) by the boys. Physical and verbal bullying.

I'm not saying girls don't do these kinds of things.

But it really was horrible.

Probably why the concept of "bullying bitches" and "uncomplicated boys" seems things strange to me.

that doesn't mean the drama between girls and boys doesn't have a different dynamic, btw.

But this concept of a whole bunch vs. 1 in a physically and verbally humiliating confrontation is a dynamic I've only ever seen amongst boys.

I have 2 teenage dds and dh and I find it survivable by frequently calling them bitches (not to their faces).

I think the drama depends on the kid and depends on the response from home. You need to talk about reasonable responses, staying away from the drama, having a sense of humour etc.

None of my 3 were dramatic but there seemed to be a lot of drama going on at various times - for boys and girls - especially middle school (years 6-8). We had a whole year of being regaled over the dinner table about the continuing feud over Susie's Boots (Sylvia got the same boots and things escalated severely from there).

I have three girls and all the ducking Drama all the ducking time! It’s ducking exhausting!

I have utterly loved the teenage years i love the adults they are becoming and I adore watching their sense of humour develop and hone. Their own opinions. Their ideas beliefs.. its all fantastic and 100% my freeze frame years.

Me too enko

I've got an almost 11 year old and a 12 year old dd's. It's daily drama and exhausting if you try to intervene (unless it's actual bullying obvs). So I listen and nod, and give hugs and/or supply ice cream as needed-but other than that I do not get involved as much as possible, because that way madness lies...

I don't really get any drama from DD age 10. She's level headed and sensible. I get plenty of drama from her younger brother though.

We're always very careful to say SOME men, so do the same for women and girls and stop lumping us all under the same stereotype.

We're always very careful to say SOME men, so do the same for women and girls and stop lumping us all under the same stereotype

Exactly.

Some parts of this thread make for horrible reading when looking over it. What's more "drama" than a load of women piling in to pipe up how their daughters are drama aka hard work? & the sexist stereotyping is silly beyond belief. Not to mention the "bitches" thing I mean really? I just wonder how many are killing their daughters' self-esteem whilst raising their sons as demi-Gods.

MistressDeeCee so what would you call the girls who bullied, and tried to kill my daughter? How would you feel if your 11 year old said she wished she was dead because her life was so miserable? Who cut herself at school because she couldn't take anymore? Maybe you would be like the teacher who told my daughter she should be more understanding and sympathetic? I wasn't the one who killed my daughter's self esteem.

My sons weren't raised as demi-gods but there did bring less drama home but as I said that wasn't my daughter's fault it was the fault of the bullying little bitches who made her life a total misery.

Hope that clears up the use of bitches, because you know they were bitches.

DD was a drama queen, always making and break-in friends,She only really calmed down at about 18 when she met her now DH.

The boys in my daughters year are as dramatic as the girls but funnily enough it's never called them being dramatic because it doesn't fit with the boy stereotype

My sister is still drama and she's 40!

But yes at that age it normally gets worse before it gets better...i hope it gets better anyway.

Just took my 15 year old to get her hair cut, had to walk round the supermarket after with her wailing loudly that she hates it, she's not leaving the house until it grows and had her hood up 🤣 she got 2 inches taken off. You've got to laugh

grannytomine you sound pretty dramatic yourself tbh

Oh yes I just loved it. You should try it some time, does wonders for your nerves.

Ah yes, at this age there was lots of bad feeling with many of the girls at school. DD was ostracised and actually it was an awful time now I’m thinking about it.
Within a year the kids were back to normal. But girls on the whole seem to be a bit like this.

Blimey it's hard to tell whether some of the posts on this thread are parody or genuinely how a mother is viewing a situation

I have a girl and two boys, oldest is dd nearly 13.

They all have dramas sometimes. DD can be dramatic. However so can ds1. I think we use different language when boys exhibit essentially the same behaviour. Also some families socialise their kids into these roles - the whole admiring despair over a "hormonal" "drama queen" 7 year old girl and corresponding labelling of a boy with a similar character as angry ... Encouraging boys either to bottle emotions and go quiet (unhealthy) or tacitly approving of a physical outlet and channelling the same emotions that his sister expresses as"drama" as anger - also unhealthy.

It's not good for girls or boys.

My DD was easy as pie at 7 though. In fact it's been a pretty content age for most of the kids. Both sexes had drama at around 5 and again from about 10... Though 12 does seem unsurprisingly to be the most emotional so far for DD (I started my periods at 11 and she hasn't yet, but I assume will any time, plus all the change at school etc).

Of all my children ds2 has had the worst friendship issues, due to a child who would be called a manipulative queen bee, queen of the mean girls, and a little bitch by many - except he's a 7 year old boy... DD has never experienced anyone in his league of manipulative isolating game playing from such a charasmatic yet cruel character, honestly a child can't be a psychopath, but if they could... I tend to assume he's mimicking his dad from what I've seen of his dad, which allows me to pity him ...

My DD's class seemed to have a lot of issues in Y4 with all the girls ostracising one girl (the victim varied) and lots of strops and "I won't be your friend if you..". It was very wearing. About 5 girls left at the start of Y5, including one of the ringleaders, so we don't seem to get it anymore.

My friend's DD, currently in Y5 is having the same sort of "you're my best friend I hate you" issues. I really think it's the mix of personalities in the class.

DD is nearly 11 and we are getting lots of strops and drama at home over every little thing. I blame hormones.

Many years ago, I had a small vocational GCSE group that had 2 boys and about 6 very gossipy girls. One day the boys had fallen out. They stomped in and sat, hunched in the furthest corners of the room steadfastly ignoring the other. Fine. The problem came from the girls who were really trying to dig into who said what and how dare they.
Next time the boys ambled in, sat in their usual seats beside eachother and normality resumed.

Generally speaking, I've tended to find that male friendship issues are more blatent and less likely to linger. Female spats can include a lot more gossip, blowing hot and cold and be more complex. Parental requests for x not to be seated near y are much more likely to come from a girl's parents. That certainly doesn't mean that girls behave like this and boys behave like that, but there are patterns that have a bias.

I remember a few times through school, notably at 10 and 14 where a best friend randomly switched and blew cold on the friendship for no obvious reason, with a fair dose of bitching and gossiping involved. None of my male friendships have ever ended like that.

That said, DS (7) can have some amazing theatrical displays... a recent highlight was the hysteria over his own stinking poo while he was on the toilet

They all have dramas sometimes. DD can be dramatic. However so can ds1. I think we use different language when boys exhibit essentially the same behaviour. Also some families socialise their kids into these roles - the whole admiring despair over a "hormonal" "drama queen" 7 year old girl and corresponding labelling of a boy with a similar character as angry ... Encouraging boys either to bottle emotions and go quiet (unhealthy) or tacitly approving of a physical outlet and channelling the same emotions that his sister expresses as"drama" as anger - also unhealthy.

Spot on

My DD was easy as pie at 7 though. Mine was too, in fact she was the easiest of the 4 until the bullying and that changed everything.

grannytomineyou sound pretty dramatic yourself tbh

Well aren't you one of MN's prize charmers scabbersley?

My db was very dramatic, I was mainly interested in my books. 40 years later we're still the same. He has been with the same woman for over 10 years and still regularly feels the need to confide how things are between them (not very dramatic to the eye of an outsider). I'm also in a steady relationship but don't seem to find anything to confide about other than "corydh is fine, he sends his love, now can I talk about my work?" Personalities, not gender.

Like Evelyn, I have observed a fair bit of little boy behaviour which would almost certainly have been labelled "queen bee" if perpetrated by a girl. Ds' confidence was knocked for a long time by bullying in primary and tbh he can be quite bitchy about other people himself. Also fusses more about his looks and generally more worried about how he will be perceived. Which is exactly what my db was like.

Dd is more likely to take a detached view and go with "yes, I feel stressed about this, but I know it's probably not big deal". Possibly the experience of being disabled and having MH problems (genetic) have made her grow up with a certain attitude of "stuff this, I'm getting on with my life".

Shimmershimmerandshine, thanks. I think some people have no idea of the damage that bullies do. Ignorance is bliss and all that.

I’m a teacher. I work 8n girls’ boarding in a mixed boarding school. Girls have no more drama than boys. Some girls are dramatic, some boys are dramatic. That’ll be because they are people, not living gender stereotypes.