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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask a question on daughters

103 replies

MTB45 · 09/02/2018 10:52

Does the drama get any better as they get older?

Mine is only 7 and she is so full of drama this school year as are many of her friends according to the mums. Regular tears and tantrums because so and so was mean or somebody said this or someone fell out with someone else.

I have an older son and he was fairly easy to Manage with very little drama.

A good friend of mine tells me it gets much worse when they are teens before it gets better!

Please give me some hope......

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 09/02/2018 12:05

Mine is 13. So far no major dramas but some of what she tells me her friends do and say at home makes me shudder.

Shimmershimmerandshine · 09/02/2018 12:05

WHAT is different that I can see is how the adults react to it - they're very quick to label the girls as 'bitches' or bitchy and make a bigger deal out of it and get involved. The boys get more leeway ( hormones, boys being boys) even though the behaviour - picking on kids, leaving a friend out of a friendship group, name calling etc. are exactly the same. The boys are expected to move on quicker from the issue - with parents mainly staying out of it but for the girls the mums in particular are far too involved INHO.

My DD is in a mixed group and it was one of the boy's mums that was like this ^^. They moved him to a private school and all has now settled down. DD has been in one falling out this year, where she was clearly in the wrong so she apologised and sorted it out the next day. Otherwise it has been peaceful.

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 09/02/2018 12:07

15 year old DSD is so little drama is laughable, she's an old soul in a young body that one.

Come to think of it, I don't think I was particularly 'drama' either.

PeppermintPasty · 09/02/2018 12:09

I do agree that girls shouldn't be stereotyped with the 'drama' thing. Although I have a pretty mellow ds aged 10 he has had his share of drama, bursts into tears at the drop of a hat, feels things keenly etc etc.

My 7 yo dd is happy and sunny and funny. Seems more robust that ds, BUT, just lately, she has been crying 2-3 xs a week, though this has been due to a specific bullying issue (by a boy) that is being sorted.

Now a couple of slightly older girls are being mean to her (in her eyes), so I do wonder if this is the beginning of the end of happy innocence :-(

lljkk · 09/02/2018 12:09

Huge girl vs. boys difference here. My (3) boys have never had slightest inclination to fret over relationships like DD does.

DD is also tough & fiercely confident, much less emotional about her social life than many of her friends (her stories suggest). DD says everyone has mellowed, but some are still very dramatic in yr11.

Re: making a huge fuss over a tiny thing (like milk mispoured or getting a bash on the leg or a single mean comment from another boy), that would be my DS10yo who gets the gold crown for Drama.

Laiste · 09/02/2018 12:10

Proud mother of four daughters here; age range 4 to 25.

Guess what? They're all different!

Only DD3 has the drama queen streak. She was very unfortunate in that her peer group all through school (same kids from reception to year 11 - village life) were a collection of fickle girls who all seemed to go out of their way to create drama. Did this cause DD3 to be like it or was DD3 just as bad? Who knows?

I do know that DD1 and DD2 went through their school years with a great bunch of girls and it was all play dates and jolly sleep overs right up till the end of secondary. DD1(25) and DD2 (23) are still mates with a couple of their school friends from primary. DD3 (20) has lots of friends from college and work but doesn't miss a single one of those girls from her peer group through school. and neither do i !

MissEliza · 09/02/2018 12:11

As a TA, I can tell you dramas with girls and football fights with boys are pretty usual year after year. I have a 9 year old dd and was dreading this but she seems to steer clear of the drama queens.

neveradullmoment99 · 09/02/2018 12:12

My dd 11 and 6 are full of drama. Its a pain!

floriad · 09/02/2018 12:13

My Brothers were total "drama kings".

But so was my sister. And I probably was as well...
We might just be a very dramatic family?

HotelEuphoria · 09/02/2018 12:21

I would say the school girl drama doesn't stop until sixth form, but would agree that it continues in a different manner at Uni. Before it was falling out with friends, now it's drama over fuckboys Hmm

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/02/2018 12:23

Not all girls drama and not all boys drama, some are just pretty laid back. However, I think boys are just less inclined to get their parents and the wider circle involved in their drama so it fizzles out quicker.

I have boys but do transport teenage girls in my car regularly as part of school run stuff. Both have commented about how horrible girls seem to be to each other in early high school. neither of the girls I have are drama queens and when this happens just move on to spend time with nicer people.

DS2 told me when he started high school that all the girls are vile to each other, I told him it want be all the girls and he said a week later that I was right, it's not all the girls, it's just the loud ones!

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/02/2018 12:24

want? should be wouldn't.

Zaphodsotherhead · 09/02/2018 12:25

Three girls, two boys here. Some were full of drama (one boy, one girl) two were fairly quiet and sensible, even through hormones (one boy, one girl) and one wasn't dramatic but managed to put me through the wringer in completely different ways (girl).

It's personality, not sex, I'm afraid. If it's any consolation, mine are all in their twenties now, and perfectly rational human beings.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 09/02/2018 12:33

I have a 13 yr old boy and a 10 yr old girl, DS was much higher drama through primary school than DD. It waxed and waned, and just when I thought he had matured it would go all pear-shaped again. So I would say you're in it for the long haul.

Waspnest · 09/02/2018 12:43

I think it's personality. DD is 11 and we've had no dramas yet. DNiece (late 20s) has always been so lovely whereas her younger brother (now also lovely) was (in my Dsis's view) a complete nightmare. Once when my DParents were babysitting they told DNephew off and he quietly went upstairs and smeared toothpaste around the bathroom for his parents to discover when they came home.... Whereas DH's nephews have never caused any dramas that I'm aware of.

DD's class is quite girl heavy but I've never heard of any problems with the girls whereas with the boys there have been all sorts of problems with bullying to the point that someone removed their child.

Oh and I agree that the parenting plays a crucial role.

Enko · 09/02/2018 12:49

I have 3 dds everyone said. Just you wait until they are teenagers they wilm make you tear your hair out...

Well they are all 3 teenagers and they are the most fantastic human beings I know in this world. Sure they have moments of not being happy so does ds and dh.

I have utterly loved the teenage years i love the adults they are becoming and I adore watching their sense of humour develop and hone. Their own opinions. Their ideas beliefs.. its all fantastic and 100% my freeze frame years.

romany4 · 09/02/2018 13:13

Depends on the girl. I was never a dramatic child. I usually just laughed if things went tits up or didn't go my way.
BUT, my younger sister could have won an Oscar for her dramatics growing up. I had to share a room with her from age 3. She was a whingy whiny child, a god awful teenager. Crying and screaming over anything and now aged 40, she's Peri-menopausal and everything is against her.

I had sons. So much easier

arethereanyleftatall · 09/02/2018 13:24

Light a fire, then don't return to the thread. Well done op.

TheMathsTrainee · 09/02/2018 13:24

Actually OP can we stop with the gender stereotyping of "drama" behaviour please.

KERALA1 · 09/02/2018 13:29

Urgh the sexism. The only trouble we have had at schools is a group of boys being vile about my daughters hair. Are they "little bastards" then Hmm. No I guess not because boys are "lovely and straightforward" and little girls are bitches. What nonsense.

My dds 9 and 11 not had any of this. They hang out with their pals end of. There was some nasty bullying going on in dd2s class though, amongst the boys. One poor lad totally ostracised but the girls accepted him and he plays with them now.

translationAndRotation · 09/02/2018 13:33

It goes against the MN way of thinking but I see differences between girls and boys every day. There are innate psychological differences in the sexes and no one sees this more than teachers.

Girls thrive on this drama. Boys forget arguments within 24 hours. Reasonably often I have 2 boys in my office who have been trying to kill each other. The following day they're best friends. Girls harbor grudges and the social politics is astounding and frequently frightening. It's complex and drama-fed and can be nasty.

Yes, girls get worse until about 15. Then you can relax a little. It's at about 15 that boys (because they're behind girls developmentally) become pains in the arse. Hormonal, irrational and stroppy. By 17-ish it's all usually blown over.

grannytomine · 09/02/2018 13:39

bullying little bitches

Nice

Yes it was lovely, being physically assaulted - nice. Having your things stolen/broken - nice. Being pulled into a swimming pool while they attempt to drown you - absolutely bloody wonderful.

If you want to be really sexist about it then I will tell you about the boys who were so annoyed after one attack that they all moved their chairs and refused to sit near the bloody little bitches.

Scabbersley · 09/02/2018 13:39

I couldn't give a shit if you see it everyday, it's not that simple and 'girls harbour grudges' bollocks.

Some girls do, lots don't. some boys are systematically bullied by other boys. U am amazed there's so little nuance in what you see.

grannytomine · 09/02/2018 13:42

I have three teenage dds. I've never called another woman a bitch and I never will. Well aren't you lucky that you have never come across such an evil bunch.

MonaTheMoaner · 09/02/2018 13:43

My nine year old is full of drama. My sister is fourteen and absolutely full of drama. My seven year old is so unphased by everything I don't think she'll have much drama at all.

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