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Original poster

To have an affair with my husband?!

102 replies

needmysleep75 · 08/02/2018 19:31

So couple of months ago I found out about the OW and kicked him out, he went to live with her. Now he keeps telling me he loves me, misses me, made a mistake blah blah blah. Now I don't really want him home, I'm loving not having to clean up after him, badger him to do things, put up with his shit money skills and too much drinking. Don't have to worry about where/who he is with, is he telling the truth. Love being able to what I like, watch what I like, not have to compromise but I do miss the sex.

Clearly I don't give a shit about her feelings, she gets everything she deserves but would I be unreasonable to take the offered sex? I really can't be bothered to find someone else as I would just want the sex none of the relationship stuff at this point.

OP posts:
Blackteadrinker77 · 08/02/2018 20:28

If your bar is that low only slugs can get under

MyNameIsNotSarah · 08/02/2018 20:32

"Dick is abundant..." yes it is.

CandyYumYum · 08/02/2018 20:34

There are some rather odd sexist comments here, along the lines of boosting his ego, giving him satisfaction, etc.

What's happened to women wanting sex for just that: sex? With no emotional involvement?

That the OP is even pondering this would suggest that she still has some feelings for her husband. If she just wanted a shag she'd be going straight online for some of that abundant dick. Also, I don't think it's sexist to say things like she's be 'boosting his ego'.She would! He'd be slapping himself on the back for having his current squeeze and his ex wife on the go simultaneously. Cheats place high value on that kind of thing. They think it means they're some kind of god like monster shagger. Why would anyone want to boost that ego when Mr Dick Abundant Esq is right over there and happy to spend some leisure time with you?

HairyBallTheorem · 08/02/2018 20:39

I agree with Candy - OP may think she's up for no-strings attached sex, but I strongly suspect she's kidding herself and is in fact doing the pick-me dance, which won't do her self esteem any good long term - not because no-strings sex is wrong, but because she's kidding herself that this would be no-strings sex.

OP, he's a worm, sign up to Tinder and get a shag from someone who's honest about it.

Groinyo · 08/02/2018 20:41

So he gets a new life new, new girlfriend and sex from you? That's not having your cake, that's rolling in it

Fuck that. Get yourself to tinder. You will regret this.

Helmetbymidnight · 08/02/2018 20:41

There are some rather odd sexist comments here, along the lines of boosting his ego, giving him satisfaction, etc.

Yay, have sex with a man who's treated you like shit. Up the feminist revolution!

FinallyHere · 08/02/2018 20:45

Oh yes, OP, and how will you feel when he finds yet another woman he is keen on? And if she can get him to drop the existing OW and you (again)? He sounds like quite the catch.

Ebba84 · 08/02/2018 20:45

Sorry to hear about your situation.

However if its just the sex you're after and not the emotional companionship or attachment then have a look at lovehoney. Plenty of sex options there.
Actually, its a bit like tinder, but without the hassle of actually meeting guys. No need to dress up, no wining and dining, listening to excuses, bad breath or clinginess. And when you're done, you can switch it off and pop it in your bedside drawer. Grin

Cabininthewoods69 · 08/02/2018 20:50

Do it just be safe

Groinyo · 08/02/2018 20:54

An amicable split with neither party at fault and I would say go for it. But this is basically rewarding him for being a dick.

I'd just let the GF know what he's up to though. Not for her but so he ends up on his arse with nothing.

AjasLipstick · 08/02/2018 20:57

Polly I agree with you about the no strings, she could do it if she knew it wouldn't make her want him back.

But it would be an affair even though they are married as he is in a new relationship. the marriage is paperwork only at this point.

Lemontart25 · 08/02/2018 20:59

There are some rather odd sexist comments here, along the lines of boosting his ego, giving him satisfaction, etc.

What's happened to women wanting sex for just that: sex? With no emotional involvement?

Nothing wrong at all with no strongs sex for women BUT sleeping with him won't be no strings/emotionless as they share a 15 year histroy that can't just be forgotten for sex! And in actual fact the OP's real aim was more to get 'one up' on the other woman, however it won't will it? Cos she was happily shagging him knowing he was married & sleeping with OP too. OW are happy to share... that's the problem! So why would that bother her now? He will still go back to her & she/they will just laugh at how sad & pathetic OP looks.

Don't do it. 15 years is very long but you deserve better OP & can you really find anyone worse just for a shag? Get your kicks elsewhere & boot him right in the nuts instead given a chance... right back to OW Wink

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 08/02/2018 20:59

I wouldn’t have sex with him but I’d want the OW to know he’s asking me for it.

FingersCrossedHard · 08/02/2018 21:06

I disagree with the majority and would totally do it op.

I can't imagine he'd be stupid enough to think you would quietly become the ow long term - so my bet would be that he's bored of his new gf and genuinely thinks he could come back.

I'd let him believe it. I'd have one night with him, get him out of your home and then contact the ow and tell her. Then contact him and make sure he knows you've told her, that you have no intention of having him back and it will never happen again.

Whilst he may be smug short term, I highly doubt he'd be happy having both the op and the ow dumping him on the same day and being homeless...hardly having his cake and eating it.

Anyway, obviously not a popular opinion but I would.

Blackteadrinker77 · 08/02/2018 21:11

@fingerscrossedhard

Can you imagine how you would feel as he finished, then got out of bed and went back to the other woman leaving you lying there?

ShortandAnnoying · 08/02/2018 21:11

I think you are making it sound kind of romantic and exciting by saying you would be having an affair with him. This just shows you still have feelings for him (understandably). If you do this you will end up getting hurt. It's either you both agree to give the marriage another chance and really try to make it work, or split up and move on. Anything else will lead to you getting hurt.

hadthesnip · 08/02/2018 21:12

I'm in the very small minority here (not unusual - I am a man after all) but I can't see the harm in having sex with your ex, if that's what you really want. Was it good before, if so, go for it.

It should be under the condition that its just sex, he isn't moving back in & that you are just using him. Are you comfortable just having sex with no emotion & could you cope knowing that he's been with someone else - would you kiss etc

As for going on POF or Tinder. Yes, there are lots of men that are looking for sex on there, but it would mean speaking to a load of them, going out on "date" (maybe 2) and then they might be crap or you might not fancy them. Also, have you thought that they could be married or in a relationship & then you are the OW...........

Koala72 · 08/02/2018 21:14

Having sex with him is subliminally getting back at both of them.

Distance yourself from this. Don't denigrate yourself with him.

The best sex will be with a new guy, who hasn't betrayed you.

CoffeeOrSleep · 08/02/2018 21:15

He's sniffing around you because I'm guessing, he's discovered that the woman who was all exciting when she was forbidden fruit, when he only saw her when they'd planned to meet up, so had smooth legs and uncomfortable underwear and perfectly contoured make-up on, is shockingly normal woman when he lives with her. It's not 24/7 sex kitten, it's 24/7 normality. And on reflection, the normality he had with you was a bit better.

It could just be he misses the 'naughtiness' of an affair, and how he can shag her all the time, as he could with you before he left, it's boring now. But look, you are now someone he can't have all the time, you are now the exciting forbidden fruit! How sexy is that if you are a cheating twat?!

Don't give him what he wants, show him that actually on reflection, he's not all that impressive. What he wants is irrelevant now.

There's men out there who want no-strings attached sex. Go find one for now while you're not ready for a relationship. Nothing will piss off your exH more than to realise he is being rejected for another man.

Koala72 · 08/02/2018 21:15

It is tempting to go for the dick you know, I know (sorry but that's the truth).

But remember that he just puts it where he wants. That's not nice.

CandyYumYum · 08/02/2018 21:17

Get some fresh dick. Old cheating dick just doesn't taste as good.

feska5 · 08/02/2018 21:23

I would not give him the satisfaction - literally!

YouWereRight · 08/02/2018 21:33

And now New Rules has returned as my ear worm.

If you're under him, you ain't getting over him...

Lashalicious · 08/02/2018 21:38

Blackteadrinker
If your bar is that low only slugs can get under

Hahaha YES

Op, no, no, no. Why would you have sex with him? He is only trying to see if he can get you to have sex with him after he treated you like garbage. Open your eyes!

And, can you not go without sex for five minutes? Wait until the right person, and the right time, comes along. Respect yourself, your husband didn’t, don’t be like him.

Clandestino · 08/02/2018 21:38

So he gets to have the cake - or two - and eat both. What a lucky man.