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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have an affair with my husband?!

102 replies

needmysleep75 · 08/02/2018 19:31

So couple of months ago I found out about the OW and kicked him out, he went to live with her. Now he keeps telling me he loves me, misses me, made a mistake blah blah blah. Now I don't really want him home, I'm loving not having to clean up after him, badger him to do things, put up with his shit money skills and too much drinking. Don't have to worry about where/who he is with, is he telling the truth. Love being able to what I like, watch what I like, not have to compromise but I do miss the sex.

Clearly I don't give a shit about her feelings, she gets everything she deserves but would I be unreasonable to take the offered sex? I really can't be bothered to find someone else as I would just want the sex none of the relationship stuff at this point.

OP posts:
Winteriscoming18 · 08/02/2018 19:45

I wouldn’t do it but if he messaged you suggesting this I would forward this to the ow.

AnyFucker · 08/02/2018 19:47

Sloppy seconds, eh ? Lovely Hmm

Shadow1986 · 08/02/2018 19:47

Hell no. Why would you want to go near him ever again. If it was me I’d be physically repulsed if my husband did what yours has.

I think this is more about you getting one up on the woman he cheated on you with.

I would forget both of them and set your sights on someone else, there could be much better sex waiting out there. Don’t lower yourself, seriously!

Ginkypig · 08/02/2018 19:49

I can see why you'd think it was easier as you don't have to worry about a new person and the history means (he should) know your body well enough to get it right but

Do you really want him thinking that your so weak and easy that he can trample all over your lives and you'll still let him have sex with you? He won't think about the reasons you told us all he will see is he still gets to shag you even after all he's done to you.

AnyFucker · 08/02/2018 19:49

How do you weed out the weirdos ?

Not fucking your ex would be a good start

DesertSky · 08/02/2018 19:50

Sorry OP but you’re really lowering yourself there. You might think it’s good revenge but really you are loosing all dignity and becoming a doormat.

Sex is overrated if you ask me lol. Go find yourself a hobby!

Original poster
needmysleep75 · 08/02/2018 19:51

Thank you all, its exactly what I needed to hear! Having a weak moment I think. Now where exactly can I find a man I can just use for sex who isn't married or a weirdo

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 08/02/2018 19:59

Tinder. POF. All around if you start looking

Beetlejizz · 08/02/2018 19:59

It would be funny, but on balance I'd say getting at her isn't quite worth giving him the satisfaction of shagging you both. By all means tell her about his texts though.

holasoydora · 08/02/2018 20:03

I did this years ago in my early twenties, with a boyfriend who had cheated on me and moved someone else in. The OW found out and she and all his friends thought I was awful for having done this. I had become the OW. I learned that because you are the original partner doesn't mean you get to keep the moral highground.

She has long since wisely dumped him. I have also moved on by many moons and if I ever think about him, which I try not to, I mainly regret giving him exactly what he wanted, ie his cake and to eat it.

In addition, I wasn't nearly as over him as I thought I was. I still hurt massively, there were just too many feelings involved on my side.

Chattymummyhere · 08/02/2018 20:06

I’m in two minds.

One; who cares about her it would just be a friends with benefits situation.

Two; It would be kind of rewarding him.

I can’t say I haven’t used an ex as a booty call before but it depends if you can keep the feelings separate and make sure he knows you have no interest in him as a person for a relationship you still want a divorce.

Frankiewears · 08/02/2018 20:07

You want revenge at some level...... tell him you have moved on with someone else.

Sorted.

blackberryfairy · 08/02/2018 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CandyYumYum · 08/02/2018 20:11

No strings sex can be great. But this wouldn't be no strings. It would just be mundane sex with the arsehole who treated you like shit. And midway through you'd probably want to clobber him with the bedside lamp, which could end badly!

Would that really get your knickers twitching, OP?

Emmageddon · 08/02/2018 20:13

You need a FWB not your STBXH. So off to Plenty Of Fish you go, and set up a profile - you will get loads of attention, so be very, very choosy about who you decide to meet. Most of the men on there (with the exception of a few) are looking for no-strings sex.

Original poster
needmysleep75 · 08/02/2018 20:16

@Candy the thought of clobbering him with the lamp did make me giggle. I should have done that months ago!

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 08/02/2018 20:17

Never go back for sloppy seconds, your worth more than that.

Join Tinder or POF and you will be able to find no strings sex (I get offered it all the time), yes there are weirdos on there but I find most of the ones just looking for sex are quite honest, it’s the ones that lie and say they are looking for a relationship that end up being the weird ones. Seriously, set up an account on POF, make your headline ‘looking for fun’ and you will get plenty of offers. I joined after splitting with my dh, it helped improve my confidence before barcoding ready to look for a relationship. I would rather have no string sex with someone of POF than someone who had cheated on me.

FlyingMonkeys · 08/02/2018 20:18

To be honest I doubt you'd feel a glow from revenge. Have a look at meetups in your area, get a friend together for a cracking night out. Join a group to meet new folk.
You might meet a fwb, date potential. Or even just some new mates.

Sod him! I'd be happy to make him aware I was moving along with my life very nicely though.

Duchessgummybuns · 08/02/2018 20:19

Dick is abundant and low value OP, you’ll easily find what you need elsewhere, don’t give that scumbag the satisfaction!

CandyYumYum · 08/02/2018 20:19

'Dick is abundant'

Never have truer words been written on Mumsnet.

perfectstorm · 08/02/2018 20:23

You kicked him out because he wanted to be able to shag you and the OW and didn't care who that hurt. If you start to have an affair with him, then you are effectively giving him exactly what he wanted to begin with: both of you. Where's the benefit to you in that?

I mean, you may meet someone not really worth it with dating new people. But at least it's not a copper-bottomed guarantee, as it is with him, that they aren't worth it! You might meet a nice one instead. They do exist!

PollyPerky · 08/02/2018 20:25

There are some rather odd sexist comments here, along the lines of boosting his ego, giving him satisfaction, etc.

What's happened to women wanting sex for just that: sex? With no emotional involvement?

The OP made it clear she'd be using him for sex only even though he says he wants to come back to the marriage.

OP It's up to you. If you can bear to have sex with him even though you are fully aware of all his faults, go ahead. it won't be an affair though (nice try for a snappy thread title:)) because you are still married to him.

RadioGaGoo · 08/02/2018 20:26

Careful about using men for one off sex OP. After I split up with DP after 11 years, I had a one night stand.

We've been married four years now.

VitriolicMuse · 08/02/2018 20:26

Try POF or even adult friend finder there’s no messing round with that one, I used it quite a few times when I was single and it was very fun. If I was in your shoes I’d meet new people, have amazing sex and tell him his services are not required :)

perfectstorm · 08/02/2018 20:27

Dick is abundant and low value

That cracked me up. Thank you. Grin