To be struggling with nursery only opening at 8

[humpbackwhalestail]

I am a teacher and have to be at work for 8:20.

Nurseries only open at 8 which means I’ve had to choose the closest one. It still gives me a tight margin for getting to school, parking, getting into school and to morning briefing/meetings.

AIBU to wish there was a bit more flexibility with childcare?

Have you spoken to your head? If you missed briefing & duty it would be an hour a week but it would take the stress off you and you could lose the pay or make up the hours doing after school clubs or break duty. I’ve missed briefings in the past and the world didn’t end. Registration is a bit different - do you start earlier some days? Is there a ta attached to your form or could there be one to take the register? Schools can’t afford to lose good staff over things like briefing so I’d bring it up. Also, what do the other parents in school do?

I'm surprised that you all think I'm a goady fucker. It's not my intention at all. I'm telling you my experience.

Perhaps being a 'goady fucker' on Mumsnet means that I'm saying something that goes against the grain,
I am genuinely telling you of my own genuine experience.

I've brung up 3 kds, one of them with SEN to the point of having to change her pads at 30 years old She's doubly incontinent. . I still do, she's been in a supported living house for the past two years and that means me and her Dad have a shot of living a normal ish life.

We have her home a oouple of nights a week.we don't have to, but we want to.

I genuinely don't think you need to 'pester' the nursery workers. Asking politely whether any of them ever do babysitting would be an entirely normal request, and if the answer was 'Yes, X and y do', approaching them politely and seeing if they were interested in morning babysitting (ie you drop your child with them, they take her to nursery when they go to work) would not remotely be pestering. You may find that, far from being an outrageous request, someone does it already or has done it in the past.

It can FEEL outrageous asking for such a thing. You can feel the cheekiest person in the world and feel that they will SURELY turn you down - but it really may not be perceived that way by the person you are talking to.

Being asked does not mean feeling pressured to say 'Yes'. As a teacher, I i have been asked whether I ever did any tutoring. I said 'No, but I know X sometimes does some,' and didn't give it a second thought. I didn't mind being asked, but equally felt no pressure whatever to say 'Yes', though i was very happy to point them in the right direction where they COULD get help.

Twat off Snacktimonious, especially when OP has said she's a single parent. Think you might want to revert that username back to its original form

I can understand why you wrote that. I am also a singe parent who has cared for my disabled daughter for 30 years. My dd is doubly incontinent and has no speech. She needs 24 hour care which I've always been there to provide. She also has epileptic fits two or three times a day. I can see now that I'm under attack!!

I don't really know why. Perhaps the general public on Mumsnet are not conversant,or don't want to engage, ,with the reality of having a severely disabled child who also has severe learning difficulties.

Snack you quite clearly contradicted yourself twice. Stop making up lies.

Surely if you feel you are rushing, it is safer for someone who isn't you to not rush? I mean, they won't be you - but they'll be taking their time and being extra careful.

Rushing around just doesn't seem like a long-term solution because when the window is that tight, you are bound to be late at least a few times. Better to plan to be late and find a solution that works for you and the school than to be unexpectedly late and have no one to deal with the register.

If you think your school wouldn't be amenable to a pupil taking register, could two classes be taken by one teacher? Is there one big room, or two classrooms next to each other?

You don't have to be Superwoman. Either you look into ways of extending childcare in the mornings, or realistic options for you starting later that you can propose to your head. Appreciate not all the ideas raised on this thread are going to appeal entirely, but you don't have anything to lose by a polite request to the nursery workers, for example. If they say no, you move on from that idea.

Yeah so that's actually illegal lol smile

Not if it’s for less than 2 hours and they don’t get paid for it.

Also I suspect the real reason you’ve always been a sahm is because you’re unemployable

That's so not fair. The reason I've been a sahm is because my second child has been born with Angelman Syndrome. Google it.
See how challenging and how wearing it can be. See how Angelman

kids are doubly incontinent, even into their 30s. And they never, ever sleep. , No speech. No means of communication. I'm not going to be here forever. So I do hope that somebody has the guts to do what I do. for my daughter. I just have to keep my fingers crossed that somebody will love her as much as I do after I die and can no longer look after her.
It's a full time job. I had to manage that with an older child and a new baby as well. With a partner who was mostly absent because of work.
And no family or friends who could help. I was alone with it all, for most of the time. I was alone with it for days and days, no end. In a small village. No shops in walking distance.

I had to give up a very well paid job wih BT to stay home because we had a child with special needs. It was a no brainer in the end. He earned more than me, but one of us had to be here with our daughter because she suffered a dozen or so epileptic fits, every day,

To call me unemployable is not at all helpful Fortunately, I don't take too much notice of what people say about me on the internet.

I've been working for the past four years as a volunteer at a mainstream charity shop. The manager has decided to retire and she has put my name up for the manager's job. Because she has noticed that I'm really excellently good at running it .Poor unemployable me. I want to take the job. I'd love to take the job.

But I won't because it's too much of a commitment. I know I can do it, but now me and dh are retired we can bugger off somewhere whenever we feel like it.

I'm not unemployable me dear. I have loads of stamina. I can turn up at work even when I don't feel too well. And I can do the job. I'm educated to an English and Mathematical degree level!

I even say 'have' when lesser educated folks say 'of'!

Snack you quite clearly contradicted yourself twice. Stop making up lies

Perhaps you are not reading properly, or have misunderstood my posts, I have not lied.

Ah okay, you’re just goading. Not rising to it, sorry

I am not goading. I'm an older woman. My daughters are in their late twenties. I stayed home with them because I wanted to and I enjoyed bringing them up. . My middle daughter was severely SEN so I would have had to anyway, like it or not. As goading as it might sound I think it's not the best, to farm out your children from 8am to 6pm. To me, it's really sad. There is no way I would have done that. I am different to you and you really have to accept that there are a lot of mothers who wouldn't and don't want to do that. I'm not saying it's not necessary to do what you have to do. It's just not ideal.
I would not have wanted my children to spend their waking hours with a minder. My ideal was to wake up and spend the whole day with my children so that's what I did That's how it should be. It's how I grew up.Going off out with all the Mums and their kids when they picked us up from school. Especially in summer. We went for long walks in the park straight out of school.

Childhood is so different now. You don't run out of school straight into your Mum's arms like I did. And in the summer, know that you were off for a walk in the park, or in winter be taken straight home to a crackling fire with some really REALLY hot potatoes with loads of butter. What happened to all that?

Now it seems that you get picked up from the childminder at 6pm, go home and get put to bed spit spot. When I was a child and we didn't have a telly. my eldest or my younger brother (both 10 years older than me) would read to us for an hour or so. H G Wells or Dickens or maybe read something out of 1001 Arabian nights Or Grimms .
It might sound sad, or tame now. But it's an education that our upcoming youth are not getting. It was absolutely riveting for me.
We had no phones ( not even landlines) and no telly. We had to make our own entertainment. I mean 'goading' Why would I bother?

Rushing around is so so stressful.

Our new nursery does open 0730 but our old one didn’t. Our after school club shuts at 1745 (rather than 1800!) which is as much of a stress for me

If you don’t have family support (and I don’t), it is incredibly stressful

I’m not really sure what you expected from your post OP? I’ve read it through and you’ve had some great suggestions from people for possible solutions but you just seem to be poo pooing them all?

Teaching is not the only difficult career for childcare. I have 3 children and both my husband and I are doctors. This makes childcare very tricky at times. I can’t turn up late for my patients neither can I drop everything if there is an emergency. I have worked hard to sort out arrangements with a childminder ( found by networking with local Mums/ nursery)
I’m afraid I disagree with your earlier post- there usually is a solution to problems, you also have to be flexible in your thinking.

I don’t mean to sound harsh but If you are just venting then maybe AIBU isn’t quite the right location. I find it annoying when people moan but then turn down every helpful suggestion people make without consideration.
Good luck with finding a solution

I think she is entitled tooan, actually.

It’s so bloody hard to juggle work and childcare on your own and in a budget and those of us that do, and hold down stressful Jobs are the proverbial superwomen every single day

I'm a teacher facing a similar dilemma. I live in a South coast commuter town, my school where I work is in the next village (no nurseries) and OH commutes so can't do drop offs or pick ups. There are 3 nurseries in my town, all open at 8. There is a nursery in a nearby town close to the hospital that opens earlier but it's a 30 min drive away so 1 hour trip to get to work, not ideal. There are 6 child minders in my small town. 2 of them only work 4 days a week. All have no vacancies, regardless of their working hours. So I've looked further afield. I've found 2 that do early starts and have space but they are 20 min drive away, so 40 min drive to work in the morning, morning even earlier start for me and baby. I can't decide which of these 'options' will be best. I may try asking nursery staff but as I'm not even a customer yet, I'm thinking I'll be seem as a cf? Argh!

I'm educated to an English and Mathematical degree level!

I even say 'have' when lesser educated folks say 'of'!

And yet, you 'brung up three kids'. 🤔

You've filled the bingo card on offensive things to say to working parents, Snack. Belabouring the point about having a disabled child doesn't detract from the twattish things you've said (my children are not 'farmed out', thanks).

Snack, assuming then that you’re not being a GF, and you have three children (you had four on the 5th February and said My four are all grown up so I don’t need (childcare)

Given you’re on MN and you are posting here, I can’t believe you’re so out of touch with the world. If I gave up my job, I would be putting myself and my child in a ridiculously precarious financial position with no way to ensure our short or long term security.

I leave reasonably early and of course we have holidays together.

An English and a Maths degree, or indeed even two undergraduate degrees, is highly unusual and rather peculiar.

In short, I don’t believe you, think you are goading and think inventing a disabled child is as low as you can go. Fuck off back under your bridge.

Newbie, sorry if I sound a bit brusque but just don’t post if it annoys you. It would save us both irritation

(you had four on the 5th February and said My four are all grown up so I don’t need (childcare)

Yeah, well I sometimes don't count my disabled dd because Nobody
else does. I don't need 'childcare' I have carers for my adult daughter.
To take her out for a bit and change her pads etc, give me a break.

I sometimes pretend to be a normal person with normal kids.
So fucking shoot me.

I don’t want to shoot you but I do think stopping the bullshit would be good.

You claim in this thread alone to have been a struggling single parent but with a partner who worked away and you were married for thirty years on the other thread.

On this thread you have three kids, one of whom is disabled. On the other you have four, all of which are independent.

If you’re going to goad, it’s going to come back and bite you on the arse. I think you were trying to start a fight, and when people ignored you and laughed at you then you decided to come back with a big sob story.

And it’s really, really low.

Is this you, Snacktimonious?

OP surely the plan of buddying up with other mums so they do the morning drop off and you reciprocate with some regular childcare in the holidays would work? I know you don’t know the mums now but you could get to know them, approach at nursery during half term, which is coming up, or put up a poster, or go via the staff for introductions?

At least you're not a nurse/firefighter/police officer/other shift worker who has to find out of hours cover.

Fuck off Snacktimonious, you have blatantly contradicted yourself several times on this thread.

@Snacktimonious so what’s your solution? The Op just gives up work and survives on benefits?

What a waste educating you to degree level maths and English. Shouldn’t have bothered if you never wanted to work. Hope you thank the tax payers every day for that opportunity that the younger generations don’t have (free university fees).

Totally understand why you want to vent OP.
I get what you mean entirely. I have reduced my hours down so much as to have a hugely negative impact on my career. The main reason for that is the constant rushing around and being late was unsustainable. Some careers and jobs are simply not flexible and, although there may (or may not) be solutions, the solutions themselves are also a nightmare. Everyone needs a good vent once in a while .

I have quite a few friends in non-family friendly jobs (such as teaching). They are either stressed to the hilt and looking for a way out or they have family support to do the pick ups and drop offs.