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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be struggling with nursery only opening at 8

292 replies

humpbackwhalestail · 08/02/2018 18:28

I am a teacher and have to be at work for 8:20.

Nurseries only open at 8 which means I’ve had to choose the closest one. It still gives me a tight margin for getting to school, parking, getting into school and to morning briefing/meetings.

AIBU to wish there was a bit more flexibility with childcare?

OP posts:
SusanBunch · 09/02/2018 08:03

Yeah, well I sometimes don't count my disabled dd because Nobody
else does.

How lovely. That alone is evidence that you are a fantasist. No parent of a disabled child would 'not count' that child. Pretty low to invent a disabled child.

Plus on this thread, you have said 3 when discussing your disabled DD and on the other you have said 4 and said they were all independent. So why would you 'not count' your DD on a thread where you are specifically discussing her?
How does it work being a single mum yet being married for 30 years? Give me some insight.

You are full of shit and should be ashamed of yourself picking on single mums trying to do their best.

insancerre · 09/02/2018 08:08

Have you asked the nursery if they can do an early opening?
We extended our opening to 7.30
It's not every day, just when a parent asks and the staff like doing it as they get to go home at 4
It only costs £2.50 for over 2s and £3.50 for babies

insancerre · 09/02/2018 08:08

Susan bunch
Well said

ememem84 · 09/02/2018 08:12

Sympathies. We both work full time and have had discussions re nurseries. Ds will be going three days a week. But we’ve chosen the most convenient (and annoyingly most expensive) for us. It’s open 715 to 630 and all year. Loads near us are only open term time which causes us an issue as we don’t have enough holidays to cover school holidays.

It’s unlikely SS will arrive at 715 each morning but it’s good incase we have early meetings etc.

Carakanga · 09/02/2018 08:14

I get you op. I live in a fairly small town. I'm a teacher too. There's 3 childminders. One I have one of my children with. She's no space for the other so they go to nursery. The other childminders are full and can't accommodate me either. Nursery can't be any earlier than 8. Childminder is more flexible but lives ten mins in the opposite direction from my nursery. Fortunately dh can do that drop on the way to his work... but there will be times that this isn't possible. I do nursery drop. I then jump in my car for the 35/40 min commute.
There are 2 nurseries in my town... neither opens before 8. The staff are in earlier getting everything set up so wouldn't be able to work extra as some suggest.
There are no other childminders. I've never heard of anyone with a Nanny here... they just don't exist. Same for an au pair. Not that we've room.

Anyway I get in at 8.40/845 everyday and bell rings at 8.55 so it's tight. Getting stuck behind a tractor, ice and snow or a pooey nappy just before leaving can all be enough to send me over. But my boss is great and always tells me not to rush.... it's a terrible back road through glens and hills to get to work so pretty treacherous.

I work part time. We have no family. I don't really know anyone who I could foist 2 small children on either.
Anyway at the moment it works.... just.

And it costs us the best part of a grand a month. And I only work 3 days a week.

Why work? Well I live my job, i trained bloody hard to get where i am and i think if I took 5-8 years out I'd never get back in.

So yes op ... you're not being awkward. Childcare is hard to find in some areas.

Onlyoldontheoutside · 09/02/2018 08:15

While not minimising the issues with childcare,which schools have registration at 8.25?I know you have briefings but registration?

Iprefercoffeetotea · 09/02/2018 08:17

I agree OP - I was very lucky that there was a nursery near me that opened at 7.30. I actually preferred another one that opened at 7.45 but to get to work it was just too tight.

Most childminders don't start work until 8, either, but again I was lucky to find one who started work at 7.30. I changed jobs later and was able to take advantage of the school breakfast club but that didn't open until 8 - I had a 22 min walk to the station and the train left at 8.22! I used to run sections of the walk.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 09/02/2018 08:20

Snack saying you don’t count your adult child with a disability is an absolutely disgusting thing to say. It has nothing to do with what anyone else does. I’ve never heard of any family being told they have fewer children because one has additional needs.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 09/02/2018 08:21

Oh and even if a family did feel that their child with a disability was totally disregarded, the fact that a parent is doing it too is very, very concerning.

Buxbaum · 09/02/2018 08:35

While not minimising the issues with childcare,which schools have registration at 8.25?I know you have briefings but registration?

Mine (secondary). Briefing at 8.15, p1 begins 8.25 so we are teaching from then. Lots of secondary schools use the p1 register as their legal A.M. roll and move tutor time to later in the day - it has a positive impact on pupil punctuality because they usually don’t consider tutor time to be particularly important and don’t hurry in for it.

Godsplan · 09/02/2018 08:48

I’m a teacher and struggled for years when I became a single parent.

I couldn’t find one solution for the whole week so there was a different arrangement each day with two children in two different schools. I had a childminder who could only do a Friday morning, a charity worker who did three mornings at my house at 7.30, a nanny at the house after school, breakfast club at 8am for one child (then I was late for work,) a private nursery that did pick ups and drop offs.

It was unsustainable and there was no leeway whatsoever at school when there are thirty children queuing up for you when the morning bell goes.

I did go through a private agency in a neighbouring town to get the nanny so that might be an idea? I paid £9ph.

Godsplan · 09/02/2018 08:50

In the end I could not carry out my basic duties as a teacher and sadly had to resign.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 09/02/2018 08:58

Teaching isn’t really like other jobs

OP - I do sympathise, but loads of people have a similar dilemma. It's not unique to teaching

Spudlet · 09/02/2018 09:11

Lack of flexibility with childcare was one of the reasons I decided not to return to work after mat leave and to change careers instead. It wasn't the main reason, but it was a factor. It does suck, op. And I agree with Olenna, sorting this out would do more to get women back into work than any amount of advertising campaigns, or free childcare hours that kick in a year after mat leave ends (assuming one can even afford to take the full year of course).

expatinscotland · 09/02/2018 09:13

Please ignore goady fucker/merailer.

'I've no idea why some people come on here talking shit about getting nannies and au pairs, as though everyone just has it within their means to employ someone and the cost and everything else that goes with it.'

People always do, as well as 'get a cleaner' when you have a lazy fucker for a partner who believes housework is the job of someone with a vagina or 'Don't you have a friend/grandparent/family you can (use for childcare, get money from, etc?'

I hear ya, OP.

LOL@'brung up 3 kids'. Are you Mama June?

WorraLiberty · 09/02/2018 09:27

Anyone else reading Snacktimonious' posts like this?

I'm cringing so hard my muscles ache Grin

To be struggling with nursery only opening at 8
newyearsameme80 · 09/02/2018 09:52

Snack you said you couldn’t work as you needed a job flexible enough for parents meetings and sports days. Nothing about caring for a disabled child.
People on mumsnet aren’t heartless but we aren’t mind readers either.

Butterymuffin · 09/02/2018 10:25

I get what you're saying OP. I also work full time, long hours and have struggled with this issue.

I do think you are being a bit short sighted on some of this though. It isn't oppressive or demanding to say to the nursery manager, 'Just so you know, if you were ever thinking about extending opening hours, I'd definitely be interested in an earlier drop off time'. And in the same way tell the nursery workers that if any of them were interested in babysitting, earlier start etc it's something you would be ready to pay for.

Likewise, as a pp said, why is it safer for you to be driving your DD when in a rush than for someone else who isn't? Statistically it probably isn't. It's known that people overestimate their own level of driving skill (I know I do Wink) in comparison with other people's. I wouldn't discount this option.

Godsplan · 09/02/2018 10:49

I don’t see the point in being snooty about nannies or au pairs and who’s got the money to pay for that. You need childcare and that’s it.

Basically my ‘nanny’ was a 23 year old student who came to my home at 3pm and looked after my children until I got back from work. She didn’t call herself a nanny as it happens. It was a very flexible option I found and I only pursued it after it was impossible to find an available childminder local to me.

Newbiecat · 09/02/2018 11:37

I think most people get what you’re saying OP. You don’t irritate me and I was merely passing the time whilst up feeding my baby. Don’t dismiss all suggestions here though, there are some you could consider like approaching individual nursery staff, I know loads of people who have done this. I also have numerous teacher friends who I’m sure would agree with you that childcare is tricky. At least you have a safe job though I guess. I’d better go off this thread now incase any helpful suggestions irritate you Smile

newyearsameme80 · 09/02/2018 14:47

We had a cm who started at 8 but there was always a child there when we arrived - was mentioned once they had requested an earlier drop off as parent was a teacher. So there may be flexibility that you are not aware of, if you don’t ask.

Mia1415 · 09/02/2018 14:59

I completely sympathise OP. I'm a single Mum too with no support, and I am constantly living my life rushing to drop off and pick up. Its really tough.

I've had to turn down so many meetings, training opportunities and better job roles because of childcare I've lost count.

Some of the posters on this thread that are suggesting 'solutions' really have no idea how hard it can be.

SandysMam · 09/02/2018 15:02

Is there a nursery closer to work? I chose one which was a long way from home but only 5 minutes from work for that reason. It’s hard though OP, feels like you have done a days work before even walking through the door!

Blueskyrain · 09/02/2018 15:33

It's not that much earlier you need, and solutions have been suggested, some of which will work.

I'm out of the house somewhere between 5am and 10am, returning anywhere from 1pm - 9pm, and often won't know until the night before (or often the day) my likely timings. Now THAT is impossible for childcare. Likewise for shift workers, night workers etc. Those are all jobs where negotiating an extra 30 mins every day would make zero difference, whereas its a solution to you.

For me, fortunately my parents can help, and most of the time my husband can drop off, pick up etc, but I know single parents that do similar hours.

I'm not saying I don't have sympathy I do, but you seem to think you have a unique and insurmountable problem, when in reality, it's not as bad as it is for a lot of working parents.

There are solutions the nursery staff taking her early seems the most sensible. Yes it means you ha r to 'risk' their driving but you (a) risk others driving every time you get in a car (b) I guess she wouldn't in future be allowed on any trips involving transport (c) frankly you're being a bit pfb about the driving thing.

Snowysky20009 · 09/02/2018 16:30

Do you have facebook? If so just post 'I need childcare 7:45-8:00 and for little one to be dropped off at nursery. Can anyone help please?'
You may be urpei

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