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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not lend her money

90 replies

Ll81 · 08/02/2018 08:54

Family member had smallish windfall, enough to buy a mid range car but not a mansion. So she quit her job to have a break.

She's now spent it all and got debt and significant outgoings (like 250 a month on a PCP car that she is just renting). Bought lots of new shoes and car and has had to move somewhere cheaper as the two bed flat she was renting cost more than she used to take home each month.

She is being all proud about how little jobs pay (hasn't got an interview in months of trying) even though they pay just about what she used to earn. She seems to think this well paid job is just around the corner and will earn 3 times what she used to, even though the market rate for the job she did and all she has experience in was what she was on.

She's now asked to borrow 5k and said she will pay back in a few months. I want to just flat out say no and tell her that her situation is totally self made. I have savings because I work and don't spend it all on a car, shoes and coats. Or should I just say no I need the money (even though I don't and would lend it to a family member that was in dire need).

OP posts:
OuchBollocks · 08/02/2018 08:55

No way, you'll never see it again. 5k! What a cheek.

RoryAndLogan · 08/02/2018 08:55

Just say your savings are tied up in investments/ ISAs and not cash you can just access.

ButDoYouAvocado · 08/02/2018 08:55

You dont need to tell her why. And if you do you might fall out. Just say sorry but i cant.

Angrybird345 · 08/02/2018 08:56

I am afraid I wouldnt, you won't see that money again.

Iloveacurry · 08/02/2018 08:56

I would say no. She obviously can’t manage money very well, not sure if you would get it back.

ShatnersWig · 08/02/2018 08:57

Absolutely do not lend.

Original poster
Ll81 · 08/02/2018 08:57

Bought new coat not car. If only she bought a car then would have something to sell rather than a now taty looking 1300 coat (she says how much it cost often...)

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 08/02/2018 08:57

If you don't want to lend her £5k just politely say no. Don't comment on her life choices or offer a reason.

IShouldntPostBut · 08/02/2018 08:57

No!

FlouncyDoves · 08/02/2018 08:58

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Littlemissdaredevil · 08/02/2018 08:58

Don’t lend her 5k. She has no way of paying it back

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 08/02/2018 08:58

I wouldn’t either. No need to tell her why, just that you can’t.

ASimpleLampoon · 08/02/2018 08:58

You know very well yanbu. Say No, you don't need any reason/justification.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 08/02/2018 08:59

Nope, don't lend it to her. You know she has no income and is just sitting waiting for the "right" job to come along...which is wont!

You won't get the 5k back so unless you can really afford to comfortably lose it I would say no.

pasturesgreen · 08/02/2018 08:59

Good Lord, no! Fifty quids, maybe, 5k no way! Very irresponsible of her to quit her job in the circumstances.

southeastdweller · 08/02/2018 08:59

No way, just tell her no. No need to explain. If she doesn't like it then tough.

BubbaLips · 08/02/2018 09:01

her windfall must have been substantial for her to quit her job.. i wouldnt give her itnop you will never see it again. its not ur problem she spent all her winnings.

Original poster
Ll81 · 08/02/2018 09:01

Sorry yes I know I'm not being u to not lend the money, I just want to say why. I'm biting my tongue so hard.

Is saying I don't think she's in a position to be able to pay it back anytime soon an acceptable response?

OP posts:
Springtrolls · 08/02/2018 09:02

Just tell her no.
If she keeps pushing tell her beciase you know she cannot repay it beciase she isn’t working

OuchBollocks · 08/02/2018 09:02

I would just say "I can't". She won't take kindly to perceived slights on her reliability and responsibility, no matter how justified.

pasturesgreen · 08/02/2018 09:05

You don't need to say why. She sounds like the sort of person who'll work round any explanation you may give, so adopt the broken record technique: "I'm afraid I can't".

KC225 · 08/02/2018 09:08

She has already proved she cannot make financial priorities, nor budget or have any realistic financial future plans.

If you give her 5k you will be kissing it goodbye and delaying the start when she needs to grow up and take financial responsibility.

Mrsmadevans · 08/02/2018 09:11

Can you help her sort out her debt management with Citizens advice or point her in the direction of MSE website who has loads of debt management advice on there.

GreatThingsWork · 08/02/2018 09:12

You could say you wouldn't want it cause bad feelings and give some examples of people who have fallen out over money, but offer to help her do a budget. If she assures you that you won't fall out, just keep repeating that you're very sorry but you can't.

gamerwidow · 08/02/2018 09:13

Just say you can’t, don’t give reasons because you’re opening the door for negotiations then and dint comment on her life choices.

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