To not lend her money

[Ll81]

Family member had smallish windfall, enough to buy a mid range car but not a mansion. So she quit her job to have a break.

She's now spent it all and got debt and significant outgoings (like 250 a month on a PCP car that she is just renting). Bought lots of new shoes and car and has had to move somewhere cheaper as the two bed flat she was renting cost more than she used to take home each month.

She is being all proud about how little jobs pay (hasn't got an interview in months of trying) even though they pay just about what she used to earn. She seems to think this well paid job is just around the corner and will earn 3 times what she used to, even though the market rate for the job she did and all she has experience in was what she was on.

She's now asked to borrow 5k and said she will pay back in a few months. I want to just flat out say no and tell her that her situation is totally self made. I have savings because I work and don't spend it all on a car, shoes and coats. Or should I just say no I need the money (even though I don't and would lend it to a family member that was in dire need).

One of my "rules in life" is that I don't lend or borrow money. If someone asks me for say £5, I only give it knowing I don't want it back.

£5k is a ridiculous amount and she obviously has no means of paying back and she won't soon.

Also, it is quite hard tbh to not judge her life choices, but I imagine that if you see yourself with a lump sum it is quite tempting to quit the job your probably hate.

Never in a million years.

Sorry yes enough money for a car mid range, so yes 30-50k (I'm not rich but that's a mid range car.)

But she just hired a car and bought an expensive coat.

I'm going to say nothing other than I can't, I really want to though!

Say no, because she pissed the last lot away and you don't want yours going the same.

She won't like it but that's the truth. Foolish woman.

I'd just tell her no but if she then got shitty about it and horrible then I'd quite clearly but not nastily point out that it's not my job to pay for her lifestyle and that if she had been responsible for herself in the first place she wouldn't be in that position now, I'd then tell her that I'm her friend and would like to stay so but won't be spoken to or treated like that so it's her choice now how she wants to move forward.

NO NO NO NO NO

No don't do it. My guess is that it is a sister in which case no is sufficient. If it were a daughter then I would offer a spare room (if I had one), but not good money after bad.

If she doesn't know you have savings then simply say you don't have it.

If she does know, then say that your savings are tied up in long term investments which would incur high financial penalties to liquidate.

If she persists say 'frankly even if I were to liquidate my investments I am reluctant to lend you such a large sum of money as you have no way of repaying it without a job.'

Good luck

Well I did just say no I can't, now she's saying she will pay me back as soon as she gets a job. I just can't take her seriously as she would need a year in a new job on the wage she's likely to get to pay me back!

Keep saying it 'no I'm sorry' and if she perseveres allow yourself to get cross and point out the answer isn't going to change!

I had a so called Friend who said she was in dire straits and could I lend her £1000.

The request was by text. I replied that if she gave me her utility bill account numbers I would pay the gas and electric, and fill her car up with petrol, and put in a delivery order for food from Tesco, give me a list.

Never got a reply. Funny that innit?

I reckon she was going to use it for a holiday to visit her Foreign fella for a week of nooky. Not out of my purse though!

I did try to help though in a practical way, and was prepared in my head to write it off.

Just repeat 'no' and then tell her, if she carries on, that you're not interested in discussing it any more.

Keep saying no. Cheeky devil, she is.

The answer still had to be no, what if she never gets a job, or gets a lower paid one which leaves her unable to meet her living expenses? There’ll be no money left to pay you back. Don’ Do it op, you’ll never see your money again.

What an idiot! (Her, not you.)