To want to move because I hate it here?

[mcgoogleismename]

A bit of backstory:

I am Canadian and moved here after University to be with my then-BF (now-DH). He is British. My family are all in Canada and his are all in the UK. I am extremely close to my family and ideally would live in Canada, but due to family disabilities on DH's side, this isn't really an option. We chose the UK because he was still doing his Masters and PhD at a very good British University. I have been here nearly 4 years now.

DH's PhD funding runs out in September at which point he will have to work while finishing up his thesis. This is where I think we should be making a move to somewhere that I find has a great culture and a booming industry in DH's field. I thought DH was on board, but now he wants to go somewhere an hour from where we currently are.

The thing is, I hate where we live. I don't like the culture or the politics. I feel like I don't fit in. All over England I am hearing awful things said about immigrants and it's hard not to take it to heart. We have a handful of friends who don't live near enough to see often, and I am worried that it is going to be the same situation in the place DH wants. He's got his eye on a posh place because of a particular company. I am not a posh person and don't do cocktails or fancy dinners, and I can just see myself being lonely and uncomfortable. I simply don't want to be in England anymore. I don't feel welcome.

DH says I'm not open to anywhere except the place I have been on about (which is true, in a way). The city (not in England, but within a 45 minute flight) feels like home. And being so far from family, I think that's what I need - somewhere that I know I fit in and can make friends and fit into the culture.

AIBU to want this? Or am I being close-minded in thinking that I will never feel happy in this country? It's a major sticking point in our marriage right now.

Have you actually visited all the main cities where your DH could find work?
I do tend to find people tend to say generally 'oh I don't like the north west' because they've never visited anywhere just driven up the M6.
I cannot think, OP, in just 4 years in the UK, you can really KNOW any areas in great depth other than where you have lived.

Whereas I made a point in my 20s/ 30s of visiting EVERY major city and many major towns, plus I've cycled most of the coast of the UK (minus the east coast of Scotland and a fair bit of Wales) so I know EXACTLY where I do and don't like (I'd probably move to Herefordshire/Malvern/Gloucestershire or Dorset, but Shropshire and bits of Derbyshire & Yorkshire & Hampshire would tempt me - I'd prefer rural).

I would suggest you and your DH make a plan of where he's most likely to find a job, then go and spend a weekend away in each of those cities, find out what you like about each place, then draw a short list of 3 and investigate in greater depth, spend more time there & inviestigate the suburbs too.

I wouldn't mind betting you could find somewhere which ticks boxes for both of you.

Similarly, if London is a no, surely the suburbs would have much to offer you? We live in a soon-to-be connected Crossrail friendly village, with not masses of facilities but near enough to local towns that do, and there is a lovely & inclusive community.

I've lived in the Midlands all my life. I can't believe it's OK for people to just diss a whole region. I'm happy to make some suggestions op if you pm me

Why is it so surprising to some that not everyone wants to live in London?

Tbf I couldn't live in London. Not because of nonsense stereotypes of unfriendly Londoners because the many I've met are I think the opposite of that (work has a London office!). It's just too frantic, different world to me.

Come to Edinburgh! It's a great city, with people of all nationalities living here.

Bit late to the thread, but I feel fairly qualified to comment, as someone from the midlands, who moved to the north west, with Irish heritage and so spent many entire summers in/around Dublin, who has done a lot of traveling within the UK and now lives in Canada.

I would echo previous posters and strongly suggest you consider Edinburgh or Glasgow, with my personal slight preference being Edinburgh, but both are friendly and cosmopolitan cities. Even though I have millions of cousins in Dublin and the surrounding counties, if I had to pick a city to move to, Edinburgh would be my preference.

I think you've sort of fixated on Dublin and are getting tunnel vision. Everywhere you go, you always take the weather. The other issue is with Brexit, working abroad might not be such a sure shot. I married a man from another country 16 years ago, and I accepted that a big part of that involves my compromising a lot of things, especially now we have kids.

I'd visit a lot more places before deciding on one place.

Well, DH and I have talked and we will be visiting numerous cities. First one is Cambridge in a week and a half - I have my reservations, but I'd like to see what's out there. DH has also said that the company he's likely to work for has an office in Dublin, so he'd be more willing to look there in a few years and could apply for a transfer.

It's not exactly what I wanted, but we're at least talking sensibly.

Good luck in the future

Edinburgh is lovely, and we are very nice up here! But make sure you aren't confused about the difference between Scotland, England and Britain before you get here or you'll learn a few new Scots words.

😂😂😂 friendly Scots words.

would love to speak w/ you, op and sent pm! Canadian!