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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh being unrealistic?

112 replies

Busybeesbutt · 07/02/2018 16:51

I'm currently very heavily pregnant with my 5th child. Baby looking to be another big one ie 9 pounds plus. Dh said to me yesterday that we should think about number 6 in the summer. I've always wanted a big family but has expecting me to think about another pregnancy when this one will still be tiny?

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 07/02/2018 18:11

I told him this and he laughed and said we'll see! To say I'm not impressed is an understatement

Oh did he really?!

He sounds like a peach.

I'd be telling him his choices are shutting up or looking after all five for a day while I have my sterilisation :)

HolgerDanske · 07/02/2018 18:11

You’ve got a big family already...

Does he realise that children grow up and need more and more from their parents such as individual attention, space from living in each other’s pockets, greater investment in monetary terms, greater guidance in navigating the difficulties of pre-teen/teenage/early adulthood?

What does he actually do to support the many, many differing and varied needs of each of the members of the family (including, and probably most importantly, you)?

LemonShark · 07/02/2018 18:11

PS it's easy for a man with a SAH wife to say 'yeah lets have another asap!' when he's not the one who'll be left with the primary custody if the relationship ends (usually, not always).

Original poster
Busybeesbutt · 07/02/2018 18:13

Green if all goes well this will be my 5th vaginal birth so yes damage can be done. I do like having a bigger family and my kids are happy.

OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 07/02/2018 18:13

I think that’s a bit weird to be honest and a red flag

Dobbythesockelf · 07/02/2018 18:14

Tell him in no uncertain terms that you did not want to discuss no6 yet, you will talk about it when you are ready. You are not a brood mare, it is your body not his. It's alright saying you want a big family etc but it's not him doing the day to day care, and as every pregnancy, birth and child are different you have no idea how this baby will affect you.

Original poster
Busybeesbutt · 07/02/2018 18:16

With regards to money dh earns a good salary and I'm a sahm but do occasional part time short term contracts

OP posts:
Dobbythesockelf · 07/02/2018 18:16

Also how big is your house? Kids sharing etc, time able to be spent with each child all have to be considered not just we want a big family so I will impregnate you again asap.

Dozer · 07/02/2018 18:18

I am prejudiced about very large families because however wealthy I don’t think parents have sufficient time and energy for lots of DC.

You and the DC are at economic risk should the relationship break down, as 50% do.

Huskylover1 · 07/02/2018 18:18

When will there be time for you to be you again?

GnotherGnu · 07/02/2018 18:24

He needs to bear in mind the possibility of, say, no. 5 having colic, or just being a non-sleeper. Coping with that whilst in the early stages of pregnancy would be no joke.

Birdsgottafly · 07/02/2018 18:28

I think that its sensible to make sure that a baby is making their most milestones before getting pregnant.

Also your eldest is becoming a teenager, that can being issues and they need your time.

It also depends on whether you enjoy Newborns/early months (I love them) and if so, I'd enjoy that stage before being pregnant again. I had a 19 month age gap and it was tiring, but nice, once they both slept. My only regret was that I became to sensitive to BF (I like to feed for at least a year).

Dozer · 07/02/2018 18:28

“We’ll see” is awful.

It’s not usually a good sign when men think they have any say in their partner’s decisions about bodily autonomy.

NotReadyToMove · 07/02/2018 18:31

His reaction is not good to say the least.
I’m Shock that he can think it would be ok for you to get pregnant again with a baby so small.
To start with you have no idea how the birth will be nor do you know how the baby will be.
Surely he will know after having 3 kids of his own, small babies are demanding and that pregnancy takes a toll on any woman???

I have to say, my answer would have been very curt to say the least....

The80sweregreat · 07/02/2018 18:36

I would just tell him to wait till this one is here and see how things pan out? 5 children is a challenge. You shouldnt be thinking about this at this time. Is he supportive of you? Does his share of everything? Its not fair to put the pressure on you like this.

Original poster
Busybeesbutt · 07/02/2018 19:30

To be honest our kids have always slept well and be fairly laid back. Doesn't mean they're all going to be like that though as I've reminded him. He is supportive yes

OP posts:
Spartaca · 07/02/2018 20:17

When he says "we'll see" could he mean that he thinks you really want babies, and will change your mind later?

hadthesnip · 07/02/2018 20:23

obviously @strokethefurrywall does.

Original poster
Busybeesbutt · 07/02/2018 20:37

Spartaca I've told him I'm not making any decision about more until this one is out! I'm due next week and he really thinks it's appropriate to discuss number 6. He never ceases to amaze me with his stupid comments

OP posts:
PerryPerryThePlatypus · 07/02/2018 20:37

Hmmm his "We'll see" is waving a red flag to me to be honest. His dismissal of you and your body just leaves a bad taste. Also nothing cures broodiness more than having a teenager.

virtualreality · 07/02/2018 20:41

You do not want to be pregnant in the Summer, so don't be.

You are 33, you need a break. Sit back get the contraception sorted and decide later when YOU are ready (or not).

What is the rush/problem here?

babyccinoo · 07/02/2018 20:41

Surely you must know you're not being unreasonable?

Original poster
Busybeesbutt · 07/02/2018 20:45

Yes I so know he's unreasonable. He wants the kids close together he had a much older brother and hates the gap but that's not my problem

OP posts:
Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 07/02/2018 20:52

Unless he was joking, I would find it odd and creepy that he said this.

gobbin · 07/02/2018 21:33

Take a bow hadthesnip - you get the cunt of the year award

Bollocks she does. There’s more than one of us thinking the same. No issues with people having 25 kids if the state doesn’t have to provide. Cutting your cloth to your means and all that.