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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To NOT turn up for last day of work?

121 replies

BLUESEAPARADISE · 07/02/2018 13:03

Posting for a family member ,as we need opinions...

Family member has been working at a nursery for a year now ( to do an apprenticeship) and has been informed they will not be keeping her on once she passes her qualification .. ( turns out they always get people doing apprenticeships and then not keep them as it's cheaper!)

Since starting there the boss / manager and dept manager have been awful towards her ( resulting in family member being in tears multiple times) making her do ALL the cleaning ,shouting at her, calling her names and talking about her behind her back.. the only time she gets " treated like a human" is when they have show arounds or parents come into the nursery .. to put you in the picture she is in charge of cleaning the baby room, nursery, pre school rooms and also the two sleep rooms!)

She has tried talking to the members of staff about the matter but they shut her down saying " it's what you do in a nursery!"

Her last day of work will be on her birthday .. she is dreading it ..

Should she turn up for her last day ?

she is at the point now she doesn't even care if people see this post and figure out its about them.. we just need opinions and advice.

She already has all she needs from the nursery and is on the road to becoming an OFSTED registered Nanny and has two families interested in her ...

Sorry this post is all over the place just trying to put all the information in before I forget!
Thankyou

OP posts:

OurMiracle1106 · 07/02/2018 14:25

Can she request leave- even if it’s unpaid leave?

Meadwaymumof4 · 07/02/2018 14:26

It’s just one day.
She might get d&v so not allowed back for 48 hours.
If they don’t have cover and can’t get cover for sickness that’s highly alarming as how do other nursery’s and schools cope.

In genuine sickness cases I don’t care how I’m covered, that’s my bosses issue, that why they are the boss

IDefinitelyWould · 07/02/2018 14:26

I'm sorry, I think she needs to suck it up and work her last day. There may be times as an adult that she doesn't like the people she works with or the job she does but with bills and rent/mortgage the option to just not show up isn't there. It's one more day then she can walk away with head held high. Can you plan a nice meal/night out with her for the evening to blow off steam and celebrate then?

The80sweregreat · 07/02/2018 14:29

She should go in . After a few hours say ‘ I’ve been ill I really need to go before I give it to the kids or you’ and go. Some places offer apprenticeships when all they want is slave labour. Heard it so often. Hope she gets her reference and another job soon. Work place bullying is awful. Had some of it in the past and it’s not good. So glad to leave and get another job.

RandomDreams · 07/02/2018 14:31

It's one day, fuck it I wouldn't go in if I was treated like that.

Treating an employee like that is not acceptable or the norm.

WonderLime · 07/02/2018 14:32

life is short, she owes them NOTHING.

Whilst that may be true, she needs to attend for HERSELF, not for the good of her employers.

You CAN give bad references, she is very likely going to need this reference in the future and it's honestly not worth damaging her professional reputation for a single day.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/02/2018 14:36

I'd go in, say bye to the kids
Going in is the mature and responsible thing to do.

I think I'd do this. I think they've treated her very badly by using her as a cleaner when she is there to gain experience in working with children. TBH, whichever college she is studying at should be told that the students aren't receiving appropriate placements.

She can look on her last minute of her final day as her birthday gift to herself.

However, if she really can't face it - it sounds a pretty awful place, and maybe she should be grateful that they aren't keeping her on - perhaps ringing in sick from two or three days ahed would be better. If she has a "tummy bug" she would have a good reason not to be in contact with small, vulnerable children.

Normally I wouldn't dream of suggesting that anyone lie about being ill to get off work, but she seems for your post to be in an awful emotional and mental state about returning to face the abuse she's had for however long.

Her health and peace of mind are important, too.

ZiggyBarDust · 07/02/2018 14:37

But the cleaning will still need to be done, so yes, it will still impact ratios.

BakedBeeeen · 07/02/2018 14:40

She needs to be the bigger person and go in.

Gazelda · 07/02/2018 14:42

I think she should go in. It's the morally right thing to do.
If she phones in sick, she'll probably end up hiding away at home to avoid being seen out. Her birthday will be a miserable one.
But if she goes in, she can hold her head up high. Her friends and family can meet her with balloons and banners and champagne at the end of her shift, and take her out for dinner.
And she can have another birthday at the weekend.
Get her to take cakes or balloons or a Birthday Girl badge into work, tell her to make sure all the older tots know it's her birthday and make a song and dance about it.

demirose87 · 07/02/2018 14:45

The ratios aren't her concern. I take it they will have someone to do the cleaning the next day when she no longer works there.

Wallywobbles · 07/02/2018 14:45

I'd go in only because I'd feel guilty and wouldn't enjoy myself anyway.

SchrodingersFrilledLizard · 07/02/2018 14:46

I would, because: (1) it's professional and (2) it adds to other people's workload.

The80sweregreat · 07/02/2018 14:47

Yes. Bet they have a new apprentice by Friday. She should tell the college I think - at least make them aware of what happened. They might stop using them in future.

Bombardier25966 · 07/02/2018 14:48

You can give a negative reference, so long as it is accurate.

"Jenny failed to attend her last day of work, which was also her birthday. She called in claiming to have sickness and diarrhoea."

As a recruiter I would draw my own conclusions from that. I wouldn't be employing someone that pulls sickies.

IHATEPeppaPig · 07/02/2018 14:50

Tell her not to go in but call in sick.

ZiggyBarDust · 07/02/2018 14:51

I take it they will have someone to do the cleaning the next day when she no longer works there.

Well, yes, because they will be aware that she is not coming in then. On her last day, they will be expecting her to be there.

SilverySurfer · 07/02/2018 14:54

I am shocked at the number of posters who wouldn't go in - totally unprofessional and if you ever did this you had better hope it never comes back to bite you.

Whether she has a reference or not she would be best going in, holding her head up high.

codswallopandbalderdash · 07/02/2018 14:54

I would go in. Refuse to do the cleaning and say she was there to learn how to work with children. After the event I would write to the education authority and advise them how badly she was treated at this nursery / used as cleaner and not supported to become a childcare professional

teal125 · 07/02/2018 14:56

I think she should go in. It's only one day and she can say goodbye properly to any staff she does likes and to the children. It will be a better ending and give closure. Phoning in sick will be obvious and look week in my opinion. Go in with a smile and your head high knowing it is your last day.

Spacesuitmakeover · 07/02/2018 14:58

is this a nursery with the initials BH? this seems very familiar!

I would go in for the last day but feign a dicky tummy and get away early.

mirime · 07/02/2018 14:58

She is an adult. Adults have shitty boring jobs. I would never dream of not turning up on my last day. Its poor form to your colleagues

Poor form to your colleagues who are bullying you? And jobs can be shitty and boring, being treated like shit by your employer is different.

sorry, but in the adult world we go to work on our birthday.

Sorry, did you read the OP? How about this bit - making her do ALL the cleaning ,shouting at her, calling her names and talking about her behind her back.

fizzthecat1 · 07/02/2018 14:59

I wouldn't. It won't affect anything. The reference will need to be factual: dates, etc. No future employer will care that she missed one day

This 100%. She needs to call in SICK though not just not show up. I work in HR and most people on this thread don't seem to know what they're talking about.

Blondephantom · 07/02/2018 14:59

Not many people are going to accept the pre provided reference. Due to safeguarding schools and nurseries will request one from the employer. As a parent I’d not accept it either though some parents may. It isn’t worth it for the sake of one day. If she works through an agency most require references to cover the last two or three years so it isn’t as simple as the next reference will replace this one either.

Plus word spreads. Staff move on to new places or are asked by people they used to work with. Staff move on a lot when staff aren’t treated well.

nNina22 · 07/02/2018 15:01

I agree with bombardier that she could receive a truthful reference that includes mention of her absence on her last day, so not coming in on her last day could be harmful to her. One more day won’t hurt her.

The op states that the family member already has her reference, but that isn’t how references work. Any future employer will contact her current employer for a rwference. They won’t rely on a written one given to her now.

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