AIBU to want my spare room back

[NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5]

DH and I have been together for years and he plays music. He has a huge piece of music equipment that has dictated us having an extra toom wherever we rented or bought even though he went through large peiods of not using it.

We bought a house 2yrs ago and it has sat in the corner of the spare room untouched for these 2 yrs, rendering the spare room useless for anything else.

I have asked him on numerous occasions to set it up or put it in the attic, I have even tidied the room so it's easy to set up but all to no avail.

We have quite a lot of visitors so I would love to put a bed there or put my clothes horse in there as it clogs up my kitchen.

We are planning to get our kitchen done up in the next few months. Aibu to ask him to get rid of it so I can put my clothes horse in there or use it for something else. It's doing my head in

l I think he would get aggressive.

Then I'll concur with Kingdom's suggestion. Get the fuck out of the relationship.

Oh, dear. That's a rather categoric response and leaves you with a choice between putting up with it and escalating things. Hope that kitchen is finished, AND that you get a job, soon! What a complete KNOB, though!

Put the drum kit in the loft, tell him he hasn’t used it for 2 years, IF he decides to use, he can take it out from the loft!

Or Put him in the loft, drum kit is the least of your worries!!

He's stomping around like a teenager now telling me I'm trying to take everything away from him and that he hasn't played them because the room has been so messy. I'm honestly so sick of this behaviour.

Gosh he sounds like a real catch OP. Get it on Gum tree and tell him you must have been burgled.

Chilli keep your powder dry whilst getting those ducks in a row (insert own cliche here!)
This had been an issue for a couple of years, some more time whilst planning escape is nothing

YANBU & ideally he should get rid of this item if it's not in regular use. Maybe he could buy another one when he has more time at some point in the future.

If it has to stay, and assuming it's not a grand piano, could you sort out the space so you can use it both as a spare room and a hobby room? Maybe a wall bed like this www.hideaway.co.uk/solutions/wall-bed-mechanisms/swingaway-wall-bed-system/
Or a high sleeper (like a bunk bed with just the top bunk) so that you can use the space underneath?

Oops jsut posted thinking there was only 1 page & now see there were loads of other replies I hadn't read.

Send him to his room OP if he is acting like a child....just not the spare room as it has a big arse drum kit in and he won’t fit!

OK, he's inclined to aggression. And you're planning on ending the relationship anyway when you've got your ducks in a row.

TBH, that's what I'd focus on. Those ducks, starting with a job. If you've decided that he's shit (and he is) then I think I'd let it go. I'd figure why cause problems/aggression now when I need to use my energy to focus on my long term plans to get out. Besides, backing away will also make him less inclined to be suspicious as you start to make your moves to independence.

Play the long game. It will be frustrating to bite your tongue but it'll be worth it at the end once you've gone.

Throw them out the window

This resonates with me OP. DH started to make our spare room into a study (that could still be used as a spare room). My paperwork, files etc are still downstairs, some of his are in there, plus a clothes rail of his shirts and a mountain of his clothes (so he doesn't disturb me when he has an early start / late finish at work - yeah right)
When I put the airer in there, he moaned.

He sounds like a piece of work, tell him to leave & take his stupid drum kit with him.

I'm glad people think his behaviour is unreasonable because it's my kind of normal now

Acrossthe I think you're so right. I need to play the long game and bite my tongue

Just be sure you don't just bite your tongue and do nothing else. It's easy to get complacent when they calm down. You have to remember that they are being 'nice' because you are shoving your own truth deep down inside you. Move forward every day doing something to get your freedom.

They always say they are going to use it it's a peice of equipment that doesn't get used and it's filled every house move so it can have a bedroom that is the stupidest thing I've heard put it up the loft let him have a tantrum while he is go out a walk his tantrum will stop if he wants to act like a child let him don't give him attention and he will forget all about the music thing why u put up with this behaviour is beyond me it's ure house to if u want to move it then you have right u shouldn't have to deal with a tantrum

If you asked him to move out along with his drum kit do you think he would agree OP ?
It might just get him thinking how serious you are.
He is so concerned about the friggin drum kit he hasn’t thought he might lose you ?
He sounds like my dh( hopefully ex dh soon!!)...self centred blame merchant of a man child and civil only when managing to get own way.

Thanks Acrossthe. I am making good strides towards my independence. I just have a few more things I need to do and then I can break free of him. Sometimes it feels like I am achieving nothing but I know I'll get there.

G120810 the longer term plan is to get him to leave I just need to make sure I'm sorted financially first. The drums thing is just one thing in a long line.

He was stomping around all yesterday and sucked all yesterday evening. He's so childish.

eggncress I've already told him I don't love him but it doesn't seem to have sunk in.