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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want my spare room back

122 replies

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 07/02/2018 12:19

DH and I have been together for years and he plays music. He has a huge piece of music equipment that has dictated us having an extra toom wherever we rented or bought even though he went through large peiods of not using it.

We bought a house 2yrs ago and it has sat in the corner of the spare room untouched for these 2 yrs, rendering the spare room useless for anything else.

I have asked him on numerous occasions to set it up or put it in the attic, I have even tidied the room so it's easy to set up but all to no avail.

We have quite a lot of visitors so I would love to put a bed there or put my clothes horse in there as it clogs up my kitchen.

We are planning to get our kitchen done up in the next few months. Aibu to ask him to get rid of it so I can put my clothes horse in there or use it for something else. It's doing my head in Angry

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 07/02/2018 13:31

I think as others have said the real problem here is that you can’t have a reasonable conversation with him, or reason with him. He’s being just so utterly selfish.

MichaelBendfaster · 07/02/2018 13:39

His behaviour is appalling. Put the fucking drums in the attic and let him stomp about. If he behaves like a toddler treat him like one: ignore the tantrum.

KimmySchmidt1 · 07/02/2018 13:47

DH should either get a better paid job and buy a bigger house for his ridiculous unused hobby item or compromise and let you use your spare bedroom as a bedroom. At the moment you are effectively paying a mortgage for an inanimate object to have its own bedroom - bloody ludicrous when you don’t have another spare room. What must your guests think about what a selfish twat your DH is if they have to sleep on a sofa so his enormous useless item can have its own room?

catscan · 07/02/2018 13:47

I have an OH who wants a music room too OP. He gets one because I have a private study. If he gets a leisure room, so do you. Have a think about a hobby you might like - rowing? Machine knitting? Then explain you’ll cancel the kitchen refurb as you need to move house as your current one isn’t big enough for both your hobbies.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 07/02/2018 13:48

Totally agree with PP that he sounds pretty awful. It's not about the spare room or bit of equipment, it's about being with someone who functions at that level and expects you to deal with it.

I couldn't share my life with someone like that.

AcrossthePond55 · 07/02/2018 13:49

Sorry, OP, but it sounds to me as if the drum kit isn't the only piece of 'useless equipment' that you want to get out of the house.

Think about it.

storynanny · 07/02/2018 13:54

I had a similar problem with a large rusty old piece of second hand gym equipment (unused but "valuable")in my spare room.
3 years ago he agreed it could go in the shed whilst we redecorated. He hasnt mentioned it returning once. Ive covered it up at the end of the shed and next step might be the scrap man. But that might take another ten years! Comfort blankets for men

hungryhenryshouldeatelsewhere · 07/02/2018 14:03

Tell him to move the fucking thing and grow up. If he has a tantrum he just proves your point that he needs to grow up!!

Hissy · 07/02/2018 14:06

Anger management... hmm

does he treat his BOSS like shit too? or just you and the kids?

Give him a WEEK. tell him it gets set up and played or it goes upstairs, either he takes it, or you will.

thenightsky · 07/02/2018 14:13

I'd quietly move it to the attic and say nothing. It would probably take him weeks, if not months, to notice it wasn't there anymore. Especially if you put, say, a chair or chest of drawers in its place and pile stuff over that instead. Does he even go in the spare room to look at it ever?

Original poster
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 07/02/2018 16:03

Hissy oh no he's so nice to his boss. It's just me and the kids that get the negativity

OP posts:
InToMyHeart · 07/02/2018 16:42

OP, I don't think the spare room is the real issue here. It sounds like you need to ditch the man not the drum kit!

Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman · 07/02/2018 16:44

Tell him you are going to take up drums. Have a few nights on it, bet he gets rid then - won't want you on them - you may be better than him!

Blackteadrinker77 · 07/02/2018 16:50

You have bigger issues than the drum kit.

Hissy · 07/02/2018 18:14

Hissy oh no he's so nice to his boss. It's just me and the kids that get the negativity

Abuse. It’s not negativity, it’s abuse.

Stand up tall and be strong, he doesn’t get to treat you like this.

AcrossthePond55 · 07/02/2018 22:55

NK1cf It's just me and the kids that get the negativity

So I'll just drop these words for your perusal;

"The true measure of a man is how he treats his wife (and kids) when no one is looking"

AbandonedBin · 07/02/2018 22:58

Leave him. Have as many spare rooms as you can afford. He's a dick

Original poster
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 07/02/2018 23:05

I'm working my way up to leaving alright. Just need to work through some work issues first and then on leaving him.

OP posts:
KC225 · 07/02/2018 23:06

Hire a man and van to carry it up to the attic and say nothing but make a note of the date. When he does notice - hopefully later rather than sooner. Tell him you have sold it on eBay - wait for him to calm down and then tell him its all set up in the attic.

virtualreality · 07/02/2018 23:12

Man child.

Does he stamp his feet aswell.

Original poster
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 07/02/2018 23:15

Everything short of stamping his feet

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 08/02/2018 04:02

If you want to split, why are you spending money on revamping the kitchen? That’s cash you may need, isn’t it?

Pleasebeafleabite · 08/02/2018 06:36

Good point from Mummy

On the equipment front I would move it into the loft and not say anything

When he notices and mentions it just say I moved it three months ago, if you’d needed it you would have noticed sooner

Used to work on my ex every time

Original poster
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 08/02/2018 14:48

Mummy revamping the kitchen so the house will achieve more when it does go up for sale

OP posts:
RavenLG · 08/02/2018 15:10

Stop enabling him. The failed anger management, the promises to treat you better but falling through... he's like this because he knows you won't do anything about it.

Move the sodding drum kit, tell him to fuck up and change his ways or LBT, get your spare room back and be happy.