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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want my spare room back

122 replies

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 07/02/2018 12:19

DH and I have been together for years and he plays music. He has a huge piece of music equipment that has dictated us having an extra toom wherever we rented or bought even though he went through large peiods of not using it.

We bought a house 2yrs ago and it has sat in the corner of the spare room untouched for these 2 yrs, rendering the spare room useless for anything else.

I have asked him on numerous occasions to set it up or put it in the attic, I have even tidied the room so it's easy to set up but all to no avail.

We have quite a lot of visitors so I would love to put a bed there or put my clothes horse in there as it clogs up my kitchen.

We are planning to get our kitchen done up in the next few months. Aibu to ask him to get rid of it so I can put my clothes horse in there or use it for something else. It's doing my head in Angry

OP posts:
welshmist · 07/02/2018 12:47

Um do you have a garage?

newyearsameme80 · 07/02/2018 12:48

Have you a plug socket in the attic? If so he can still play it there once it's moved (he never will, but that's his choice.)

Original poster
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 07/02/2018 12:49

No garage Welsh. He wants to buy a pod for £10k to house them but we don't have the money for that

OP posts:
Original poster
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 07/02/2018 12:49

New we don't. The attic has a low roof so it wouldn't be possible to play up there unfortunately

OP posts:
chickenowner · 07/02/2018 12:50

You poor thing OP. It sounds to me like you need to sit down together and have a proper talk. Your DP should not be making you feel like this!

Gemma1995 · 07/02/2018 12:50

Could you suggest putting it in the attik temporarily so you can use the room for storage when you get the kitchen done? Chances are if it's sat there for all this time he probably wouldn't go to the effort to bring it back down?

Original poster
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 07/02/2018 12:51

Chicken I have sat down with him and he promised to go to anger management. He went to 2 sessions before Xmas and didn't like the counsellor. He's done nothing since

OP posts:
Original poster
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 07/02/2018 12:52

Gemma that's an excellent idea. I will do that

OP posts:
chickenowner · 07/02/2018 12:53

Maybe it's time for another talk?

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/02/2018 12:53

Ask the kitchen fitters to take it up to the loft and bung them a few quid or add it onto the bill.

VladmirsPoutine · 07/02/2018 12:53

Oh dear, I think it's time to reconsider the entire marriage let alone a spare room and a music kit. I've said this on here before; when I divorced my ex, it wasn't his EA or affair that made me leave. It was finally when I found wet boxers on the bathroom floor for the millionth time which he refused to pick up or wash. To this day I'm sure he says I divorced him over a pair of boxers. But it was the final straw that broke the camels back.

chickenowner · 07/02/2018 12:56

Exactly Vladmir it's about respecting and caring about each other. I would never do something on purpose that I know would annoy or upset my DP, and I expect him to behave in the same way towards me.

pastabest · 07/02/2018 12:57

yeah I would just casually say 'i've moved your stuff up to the attic so its out of the way whilst the kitchen is being sorted. You can get it back down again when its all finished'

He never will.

but that just sorts the initial problem with minimum drama. It doesn't solve the bigger problem of why he is being a nobby manchild about it.

Throughtheforest · 07/02/2018 13:00

I second the idea of fitting a high up bed over the drum kit.

MrsPreston11 · 07/02/2018 13:04

I think you need to get rid of more than the drum kit.....

FizzyGreenWater · 07/02/2018 13:04

Is it possible to sabotage it in some way?

Not sure how it is stored but can you wet it or do something so that after a suitable amount of time you can do something which necessitates moving/opening it and thus voila, omg it is ruined! How did this happen, it must have got damp etc, what a shame you never fucking use it as we would have discovered this earlier, now it must be thrown away.

Note: only half a serious suggestion of course, and that half only because he's clearly a really pretty horrible person who sounds as if he deserves it. OP, have a think about this - he sounds awful.

timeisnotaline · 07/02/2018 13:13

I would do urubus but I would say however many years he’s not used it for, not just current home. And zero negotiating.

FluffyWuffy100 · 07/02/2018 13:13

@FizzyGreenWater I really don't think antagonisig someone with 'anger issues' by breaking their stuff is a good plan.

OP, you deserve more in like than to live with a man you are scare of.

ShatnersWig · 07/02/2018 13:14

Why do people stay in unhealthy relationships?

diddl · 07/02/2018 13:16

How about a "Pulleymaid" for the kitchen & a bed for the spare room anyway?

Thebookswereherfriends · 07/02/2018 13:19

Ok, I think maybe this is a symptom of a bigger problem, but if one excuse he uses is that he doesn't have time to set it up, then can you block out a morning one weekend? Say to him "you have this amount of time to set it up, if you choose not to to do it then it needs to go in the attic".

Cath2907 · 07/02/2018 13:20

I don't think it is fair that you break his stuff. We are adults and should treat each other accordingly. I would tell him you need the spare room whilst the kitchen is being done and ask him to move the item to the attic for the duration. If he doesn't sort it then I'd move it myself. If he goes mad I think you need to tell him his behavior is unacceptable (try to stay calm, you can behave like an adult) and that he needs to go back to anger management as you can't live with someone who can't deal with issues like this in an adult fashion.

If he is preventing you from doing something so reasonable as moving his un-used equipment to reclaim the spare-room due to his anger then I think you probably need to consider whether you wish to stay in this relationship. Personally this would be a deal breaker for me. A bit of marital strife is normal. My hubby would be a bit of a grouch for the afternoon over something like this but he'd admit it was necessary - her certainly wouldn't lose his shit and we always manage to come to something of a compromise over big issues like room use / money etc.

thecatsthecats · 07/02/2018 13:24

Fizzy - I think that's a bad idea, because the amount of effort required to buy a new pointless lump of junk is very small, and he would most likely replace it with another to just sit there.

I agree that you need to face the storm, OP, though the 'temporary' attic movement is a good idea, I think he'll still strop, and 'plan to' set up the kit when he has time until he's in the graveyard.

My fiance (who is genuinely lovely and does not strop about these things, but IS similarly delusional) thinks that when I've insulated and fixed up the shed, he'll set up the kit that's in pieces in there, and he'll play again. If he did, I would have no problem - I used to play myself. The thing is, I'm quite honest with myself about what I do and don't do, and it's a hobby I don't care for any more. He won't though, and neither will your DH.

HidingFromDD · 07/02/2018 13:27

Has he got his own car (rather than a shared one?). just put it in the boot, then it's only his space it's impacting

KatharinaRosalie · 07/02/2018 13:29

I think you should rather consider getting rid of your DH. He sounds horrible. He will hopefully take the drums with him.