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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to even consider this?!

37 replies

CaptainApollo · 07/02/2018 11:07

I’ve been offered a place on a really competitive NHS degree course at one of two unis that still has the nhs bursary. I gave up a good job to do an Access course in the hope of getting a place so I’m chuffed to bits!

Problem is the uni is 150 miles away from home and I’m a mum. Kid 1 is in second year at uni, kid 2 is off to uni in September (and we will all be literally in different corners of the uk so miles away from each other!). Kid 3 will be 14 and starting year 9 and he is settled in a really great school
so moving him in not an option.

Is it mad to even consider this? I’m 40 so I have to do this now if I’m going to do it. My youngest can stay at home with his Dad so it won’t be upheaval for him, I should be able to drive home for weekends.

I could still be offered a place closer to home but that bursary will save me £30k in student debt!

Am I a terrible mother?! I’m so excited and nervous and confused!!

OP posts:
Chaosofcalm · 07/02/2018 11:10

I would say that your youngest needs to be in the same school for year 9 to year 11 for his GCSE years. Is that doable with the move?

Original poster
CaptainApollo · 07/02/2018 11:11

He will be staying at home with his Dad, I can’t take him out of his school at this stage. I would be away Mon-Fri and Home weekends

OP posts:
Snowysky20009 · 07/02/2018 11:13

That's the next 3 years. However, when you are on placement- where will it be? and I know some you are expected to work the same as your mentor so that will include nights and weekends.

Trinity66 · 07/02/2018 11:13

You should do it, if you can be home at the weekends it'll be fine

Nesssie · 07/02/2018 11:15

Talk to your son and his Dad to make sure they would be ok with the arrangements.

But I think you should go for it!

Snowysky20009 · 07/02/2018 11:15

Plus you will have all your work on placement to be doing at the same time. 300miles a week- is a lot! When you are going to be tired and up to your eyes in work! Really think this through! Hopefully some nursing students will come on and give advice!

Original poster
CaptainApollo · 07/02/2018 11:15

Placements are generally 9-5 but I will of course be flexible. I just don’t know if I should go for it. I barely see the teens now anyway as they are mostly in their rooms after school and I work until late on weekends

OP posts:
Tika77 · 07/02/2018 11:16

I think go for it, you will have your heart in whatever your chosen profession will be and clearly are dedicated.
Many people start a degree at your age and I so look up to them.
(I’ve been wanting to train to become a midwife for years now but I know I won’t as kids are still little, I need to be here)

BarbaraofSevillle · 07/02/2018 11:18

If you do the course near home, is it near enough to not need to live away, so no extra costs of extra travel and accomodation like the 'free' course, which could be a major consideration.

What sort of course is it and what would you expect to earn? Unless you will end up earning a lot of money, you could be liable to pay off hardly anything of your student loans. From April this year, it will be 9% of what you earn over £25k, so unless you end up earning £40/50/60k+ pa, you will pay off little of your student loan anyway and staying at home and taking loans might be cheaper, as well as being less disruptive to your family, than moving away for the funded course. Have a read of:

www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/student-loans-tuition-fees-changes#earn

Time40 · 07/02/2018 11:26

Go for it! It's only for three years, and it will have a huge and positive impact on the rest of your life. And your youngest is old enough to cope without you during the week. You can't pass up such a great chance, and that's a massive amount of money to be able to save.

Original poster
CaptainApollo · 07/02/2018 11:28

Thanks everyone! I do have an interview at a uni 20 miles away so that would be the most sensible choice. I think I’m just worrying in case I don’t get any more offers - my self confidence is not massively high at the moment and this offer from my first interview has really given me a lot to think about!
The student loans info is really helpful, it’s an allied health course so while a job is all but guaranteed it’s not hugely well paid (comparable with the job I left but I really really want to do it!)

OP posts:
HannahHut · 07/02/2018 11:51

It may be better for you to go closer in the long run. I go to a uni 100+ miles from home and I'm about to graduate, the problem I have is all my contacts and the uni contacts for help with future employment (e.g special placements for the police etc) are all in this place. When I move home I'll have a harder time getting a placement in my own area as I don't have the contacts available.

Reallycantbebothered · 07/02/2018 11:51

My dh retrained aged 39 and was at Uni 100 miles away, so only came home at weekends...I was at home during the week with 3 dcs at 3 different schools and working and managed it as I knew it would benefit family in long term
....your Ds will be at school most of time anyway ( apart from hols obviously) so I say go for it

codswallopandbalderdash · 07/02/2018 11:53

OP but do consider if there will be job prospects once you've finished your chosen field near your home. I have a few friends who studied speech therapy and physiotherapy and there was no jobs for them within a 40-50 mile radius of home. one of them could move to a job, the others 2 couldn't and now don't work in health at all. Of course it all depends what field you are going into

ihatethecold · 07/02/2018 11:55

Well done on getting your offer. It’s sounds like such a hard choice.
Would you be able to do your placement closer to home?
Personally, only you know your 14 year old.
Does he get on well with his dad? Is he independent in terms of getting on with school work?
I was left to be independent at about 14. I grew up quickly but did terrible in my exams due to no parent being around.

nogizuzuvu · 07/02/2018 12:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

memememe · 07/02/2018 12:13

how much will it cost you in travel and accommodation, more than you'd save from the burdary? id consider staying near to home.

JustVent · 07/02/2018 12:16

What NHS degree is it? Are you sure the placements are 9-5?

Toddlerteaplease · 07/02/2018 12:21

If you are going to be a a student nurse, there is no way you will be doing 9-5 placements.

Original poster
CaptainApollo · 07/02/2018 12:34

Oh I missed the deleted message! Was it mean?!

It’s not nursing and we were told at interview placements are 9-5 Mon-Fri but we can swap out for weekends if we want to. Placements are in 5-6 week blocks so it’s not a major issue if I have to do nights/weekends anyway.

Hopefully I will get offers nearer to home but if this is the only one I think it’s doable. The boy and his dad get along very well, dad works normal hours very close to home and the boy is very independent - his school is 12 miles away and he gets himself there and back every day. He is a good lad and his school will make sure his grades don’t slip (very strict grammar).

Thanks for the advice guys, I’m at home on my own today and driving myself mad thinking about it all Smile

OP posts:
JustVent · 07/02/2018 12:37

OP I think it’s perfectly fine for you to take it if it’s miles away. If your youngest is happy to go to his dads then I don’t see why there’s an issue at all.

Fact is, you won’t be at uni every day 9-5 anyway (even if they say you will be) so if you finished at 1pm on a Friday (or Thursdays) you’re going to be home more than just the weekend. You might have some Monday’s off, etc

I say go for it. And good luck with the other unis.

I’m 2nd year of an NHS degree and I absolutely love it.

recklessgran · 07/02/2018 12:38

Um... what about DH - how does he feel about it?

Original poster
CaptainApollo · 07/02/2018 12:40

Thanks JustVent! Great to hear from somebody who is doing it Smile This is probably a bit outing but I house share with the ex so the boy won’t even have to move. It’s a bit of a weird arrangement but it has worked well for us all for the last few years, it’s quite civilised really Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
CaptainApollo · 07/02/2018 12:42

reckless we aren’t a couple, he is my best mate though and very supportive Smile

OP posts:
JustVent · 07/02/2018 12:51

We had an unconventional set up as well. People on MN don’t like that kinda thing, I experienced that!

Great that DS doesn’t have to move.

What uni is the far away one?