Accidental Emotional Affair?

[PureLife4]

This is going to sound a bit barmy. I posted an add on Gumtree a few months back advertising an item connected to my hobby for sale. I was contacted through the app thing by someone to say they had this particular item but did I have any other variations for sale. I responded to say I didn't have anything else at the minute but would probably have finished with something similar in a couple of months so I would bare them in mind.

They replied to say something along the lines of its unusual to find a female who is interested in this kind of thing and that he is usually left chatting to other men about it and that his wife hates his hobby but he's trying to encourage his daughter to take it up.

I respond to say my Oh doesn't get it either so I feel his pain. All fine. Nothing more comes of it.

A couple of days later he texts me on whattsapp sending through a picture of his newest purchase. I say it looks great etc etc

few days after that he texts to see if i can help him out with a missing part, which as it happens I can. I get his address and post it.

We chat on and off over the next few months, all hobby related, heads up on good deals etc. I didn't think much of it.

Have now been contacted by his wife to say I need to stop my affair with her husband. Have I been totally out of line? Full disclosure he would sometimes say things like oh I need to meet a woman like you, but always seemed in a sort of banter context, and as he was married with children I didn't think anything of it.

I didn't know that gumtree was some kind of tinder equivalent, have I just been naive?

If you take him at face value and his wife has gone off the deep end over nothing, or is a controlling person you can kind of see why he might want to take a stand over it, but I have no dog in the fight, he could be a maniac as easily as she could. I'm not interested in being dragged any further in anyway.

i mean he could even have set up the 'wife' texting you to try and lure you into something, who knows? There are plenty of odd people out there.

Snippity I think you just creeped me out there!! I need to do a stranger danger course

So it is nothing, you are not even really friends and yet he wants to carry it on talking to you despite it upsetting his wife....err, why?!

It is starting to piss me off that so many posters are ignoring the fact that he makes, at best, poorly considered remarks about wanting a woman like the OP and eluded to his wife not 'getting' his hobby.

If the OP was the wife and we were hearing it from her side we would all be saying he was being cruel.

It's only that I have the conversations and I am struggling to see anything weird about them, I showed them to my OH and he just laughed at me and said not to sweet it. I genuinely think if he was trying to flirt or pick me up his wife has nothing to worry about unless he was playing a very slow game to lure me out with a specialist part some day.I just didn't think, but I feel bad if someone has been hurt. I won't be messaging him again anyway

there are some very plausible weirdos out there purelife, I've got a couple of mates who've done online dating and a babysitter friend who's had some real creeps contact her on whatsapp in response to gumtree ads.

Essentially, the fact that he's still contacting you and saying his DW is paranoid makes me think he's a bit off and run a mile.

you've got to think about what most people would've done in these situations - most people would be utterly appalled if their DW contacted a person they were having harmless chitchat with, perhaps apologized without blaming anyone, and then never contacted you again because of
a) the shame of the DW contacting you
b) the fact that it'll only cause more problems.

Hence, creep.

Anyway...done now, just a strange experience. I won't be posting adds on gumtree anymore!

Well exactly SnippitySnappity he is placing OP, who he has never met above his wife.

Just because this is the way the world is now (meeting people online) doesn't mean it's safe. It's just not something I would do. But then I seem to attract strange men anyway. Already had an Instagram stalker so it's just not something I'd encourage. You know nothing about them....

and yet he wants to carry it on talking to you despite it upsetting his wife....err, why?!
Because I'd be annoyed that my oh was trying to police my totally innocent friendships.

There are a lot of weirdos that are very good at seeming reasonable on social media etc - imagine how hard this is for teens etc.

Even if he was sincerely not going to be dictated to by his wife and her unreasonableness, you still wouldn’t carry this on because of the fact you’d involved someone else in your troubles, unwillingly.

At least pure knows she’s best off out of it!

Let's say we were the only two people in the country with knowledge of lesser spotted wombats - then yes I would carry on.

I haven't heard anything more from either of them, so I am well enough out of the way of it. Its just probably a bit disappointing that we have to be so suspicious in this day and age. I know nothing about their lives though, so I suppose it is hard to comment.

My OH had no issue with me chatting to a man about things, presumably because it saved him having to engage with me about it in a meaningful way