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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not support friends new business venture

216 replies

melclaire1111 · 05/02/2018 06:17

Not sure if I'm being a bit unfair or if i should stick with my current stance!

I Have a friend, let's call her B. We have been friends for many years after meeting through mutual school friends and have been through many milestones together (broken relationships, engagements, weddings, buying houses etc)

That's about where the similarity ends tho. B went to uni and came out with a very well paid job which she progressed further into (financial controller type role) I didn't go to uni but instead work in a more administrative role at team leader level, any more responsibility does not appeal to me and am perfectly happy.

We both had DC's within 6 month of each other. B didn't return to work. She was made redundant while on maternity leave and was fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with DC. I went bavk full time after 8 months as financially we needed the money and I wanted DC to go to a nursery setting which they do full time and are absolutely thriving there. B and i have argued about this in the past as she has called me an absent parent for doing this and did once say what was the point in having children if all I did was send them to childcare but we have agreed to have difference of opinions on this!

Anyway b has recently started selling products to a well know MLM company, and is flooding her Facebook with posts about how great the products are and trying to get everyone to buy them. The products don't really appeal to me but I have put a few 'likes on her posts to support her.

Today however I received a message asking if i wanted to buy anything as she was putting an order in today. I politely said no as we don't have much money spare (attempting to move house so all spare money is going towards that as the potential new house needs some work) she then replied saying I was the only one of her friends who hadn't brought anything, she was hurt that I'm not supporting her and if it was me she would be buying everything she could. I told her that I think shes doing really well but the products aren't for my liking (she sells make up, I barely wear a coat of mascara when I go out, for work I wear no make up!) And that I didn't have the money to spend on stuff I don't need!

She then carried in saying that I could order the cheapest item they do (£35) and that would make her happy! I politely declined again and received a massive rant how I was an awful friend and she has now blocked me on everything!

I don't feel I'm being unreasonable but Wasn't expecting her reaction I guess.

OP posts:
Cagliostro · 05/02/2018 09:29

Meh. Her loss. MLM has a very weird effect on people. If she realises then maybe she will fix the relationship but if not, the issue is entirely hers. True colours and all that. 💐

Original poster
melclaire1111 · 05/02/2018 09:34

Thank you everyone. I think I knew I was right, but was starting to question myself as I always try and be supportive of people but something just didn't sit right.

A mutual friend has messaged this morning saying she has a put a massive rant in her online group about how people don't understand how she is trying to change her life and do what's best for her and if people didn't support her 'dreams of working for herself' then she was better without. Obviously aimed at me but oh well!

Thanks again x

OP posts:
Ilovewillow · 05/02/2018 09:39

She'd have lost me at "absent parent"! YANBU - a true friend wouldn't put you in that position in the first place!

ShakeShakeTheMuffin · 05/02/2018 09:42
John Oliver on MLMs.
pisacake · 05/02/2018 09:48

If it's MLM then block her and blank her.

lottiegarbanzo · 05/02/2018 09:48

These schemes are just legitimised begging aren't they.

But really, 'so let me get this straight, you think I should put my dc in nursery, so I can earn money, to support you? Is that right?'

But, what an awful 'friend' anyway,.

YoloSwaggins · 05/02/2018 09:48

Wow she sounds like a complete bitch

Stand your ground

Aeroflotgirl · 05/02/2018 09:49

People will get fed up of it all, and everyone will be blocked Grin.

rcit · 05/02/2018 09:57

She blocked you = good result.

There is no AIBU, you are now free of her! A friend who says offensive things about how you live your life and is now trying to use emotional blackmail to extort money from you, bye!

WingsOnMyBoots · 05/02/2018 10:02

YANBU. Why should you have to spend money on items you don't want just because the seller is your friend? No way.

sadie9 · 05/02/2018 10:17

Sounds like this is her personality. She's allowed judge others and is always 'right' because she doesn't actually notice her own behaviour when she is in 'fighting my cause' mode. I would think once she has bought into an idea, she finds it very hard to row back from that position. She kept judging you for going back to work because people 'not agreeing' with her ideas or life choices, is something that really triggers her. She takes a differing opinion really personally as a personal slight or attack on her. She will persist in forcing her ideas, or even take revenge or seek payback on those who disagree with her.
She's bought into this business, so a herd of charging elephants won't make her turn that bus around.
You will all have to politely stand back until she works out the thing is a dead duck and then no more will be said about it.
If you want to try to remain friends with these sorts of people, you have to start every encounter with an approval phrase first, to massage their ego. So 'I appreciate all your hard work in your new business/I really admire what you are doing, but I have no need for that product thanks'.

NicheArea · 05/02/2018 10:33

Stand firm OP- you are in the right. Do not engage with whatever she may post on social media, even if you feel it is aimed at you.
As PPs have said, she is just begging for money. She is pressuring friends/acquaintances/ contacts into paying up for goods which they don't want and are not worth the price. That's not a business model...
I've seen this before from friends of friends on FB- the fake positivity, the lies about the products, the 'promotion' up the sales ladder, the trip to Spain when you've 'smashed your target' which is just a brainwashing weekend with other poor suckers....

Re the absent parent thing- she was probably so pissed off about being made redundant that she needed to bring down anyone who was working. Assuming she hadn't been made redundant, her child would have needed childcare...

Sparklesocks · 05/02/2018 11:55

Honestly it feels like MLM is a bit of a cult, the new starters are completely bombarded with enthusiasm and excitement from their ‘managers’ (aka the people making ££ off their commission). They’re just trained to push their products as much as possible and little thought seems to be given to the friends/family they are alienating in the process…
An ex colleague does it (well she’s on her 3rd or so ‘business’ now) and every Monday posts little memes with things like ‘I love Mondays!’ or ‘I love being a boss and working around my children!’ – Why don’t you join me?? It’s relentless…

PoorYorick · 05/02/2018 12:52

It's not the cultishness that bothers me as much as the way they prey on working mothers and trying to guilt them. You know, the 'so glad I sold my soul to this awful pyramid selling corporation, now I can work in the evenings and provide for my children while spending all day with them, unlike you evil office workers' stuff.

Hissy · 05/02/2018 13:00

OP - paste this into your FB status... Grin

"If anyone is considering MLM and thinking of messaging me to guilt me into buying things I don't want/need for exorbitant prices, they are most welcome to defriend me now, to save me the bother later. Thanks in advance."

Hissy · 05/02/2018 13:01

She would have been told to FTFO at the absent parent thing. seriously!

snash12 · 05/02/2018 13:15

Everything she says to you is from her upline. They will argue wido h every excuse you come up with. Politely decline and if she carries on block her. Also send her to Elle-Beau’s Younique is poonique blog.

BMW6 · 05/02/2018 13:25

Love hissys suggestion above Grin

Maybe we could all post this to Facebook.........I wonder how the MLM bots would react to something going nationwide like that?

chocorabbit · 05/02/2018 14:05

I am pretty sure that her FB status does not refer to you only Wink
Give it a few days and the fallout with her wider circle will be even greater.

She might even come back to you as if nothing has happened as she can't afford to lose all her friends. Block her before she does and never accept her back.

Wow1234 · 05/02/2018 14:11

Love how she believes the only way you can support her dreams is by giving her your hard earned cash!!! Lol. How selfish is that!?!? I'd be furious if any 'friend' ever treated me like that! Forget her she's not a good friend. Support can be shown in many ways and being bullied into buying product is not on!!

RockinHippy · 05/02/2018 14:22

YADNBU good riddance to bad rubbish

I'm just amazed you didn't bin her off sooner. The absent parent remarks are hideous & would have been enough for me

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 05/02/2018 15:02

She isn’t working for herself or running a business she’s part of a glorified pyramid scheme deseperately trying to sell sub standard, over priced tat to her friends, whether they can afford it or not.

She needs to grow the fuck up and come up with a proper business set up to work at, build up and make an actual profit from if she wants to tout herself as a Business Woman.
She sounds like a entitled little dickhead you’re well rid.

hellsbellsmelons · 05/02/2018 15:18

So she's lining the pockets of the already rich and losing friends in the process.
Yep - she has her priorities all wrong.
Pyramid selling is the devils work.
I can't believe she could be so gullible.
She's a nob - block her so she can't get back in touch with you.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/02/2018 15:46

Yes that is the one I read, Elle's Poonique blog. Very interesting read. They all use vomit inducing phrases, like building my business, rocking my business. Awsome lashes. Massive eyeroll. It is not your business, you are just a tiny cog in a massive wheel. If you did own your own business, your behaviour would not be like this.

Whitecurrants · 05/02/2018 15:50

Walk away, get on with your live, forget it. If she ever was a friend she certainly isn't now. You did nothing wrong.