Aibu re gender disappointment

[fakebake44]

Aibu to not find our baby's gender as I am terrified of gender disappointment?

Anyone any guesses on this little one at 13 and 21 weeks

Probably better to find out now than be disappointed when he or she is born.

I'd say it's either a girl or a boy

I'd say it's either a girl or a boy

Hoping for a girl I guess? 🙄

Yes find out. I don't understand gender disappointed personally after struggling with fertility and miscarriages but if its going to be an issue its probably better to.deal.with it in pregnancy rather than after giving birth.

May I ask what gender/sex you wouldn't be happy with?

I have a DS who is 4 and I'm pregnant with no2 and people keep asking me if I want a girl

I've chosen not to find out because the reality is that I'm not that bothered but I do wonder if people asking if someone would prefer one gender/sex over another fuels disappointment in some people.

Sex disappointment OP, sex disappointment.

And yes, it matters.

And no, I don’t care if you all think I’m a pedantic wanker.

But I’m sure your baby will be lovely, regardless.

I'm also going to go against the grain and say don't find out.

Just try to accept that a happy healthy baby is really the only thing that matters.

I agree with PP about miscarriages (I've had one) and fertility issues (thankfully I've had none) do make gender/sex seem a bit irrelevant in the grand scheme of things

God, it gender disappointment is an issue for you then find out. You don’t want to resent the baby when you meet it. By then you’ll be used to the idea, you’d hope.

I hope it’s just a little disappointing rather than you were really hoping for one gender over another.

I think you should find out. Give you time to get your head around it if it’s not the sex you thought you wanted.

I'd never ever want to find out the sex until the birth. I had a strong preference for a girl. We had a boy.
I think it's better to not find out if you have a preference, (well at all really but still). Because if you aren't having what you'd hoped for, you'd have months of pregnancy to feel that disappointment. Whereas it's a lot easier to deal with when your baby is in your arms.

Congratulations! I would find out now, you want to accept it before the baby is born.
I've never got why MN is so against gender preferences/gender disapoitment. The gender of the child is the first thing you can find out about them, you can say it dosnt matter and that gender makes no difference all you want but it does girls and boys are different, having a baby girl and having a baby boy is different. I dont think its wrong to want a boy when you already have a girl or the other way around in fact I think its perfectly natural.
The reality is the gender of your child will have implications on the rest of your and their lives, it does matter. Nobody is saying that they wont love the child as much if its a different gender just that tey have a preference.

See I'd say not find out. I think you have more chance of accepting it when babies in your arms rather than months of stewing over it.

You mean sex OP. Gender is a social construct.

And why not wait to find out? It doesn’t matter if your baby is a girl or boy, you will still love them!

Yes YABVU for it to bother you that much. That's your lovely little baby and it doesn't matter whether its a boy or a girl.

The baby will be its own person and won't necessarily live up to what you expect. As a little girl I hated dresses and anything 'girly' and preferred playing football and climbing trees. I was like many other girls that lived near me. I am not 'best friends' with my mum now as an adult. My DH on the otherhand gets on very well with his mum.

I have two sons now who hate football but love arts and crafts and things like that.

I probably wouldn't find out in your position. Once you've given birth you'll probably just be relieved that it's over and will be happy with a living baby and maybe you won't care about the gender too much. Good luck!

I'd say wait and find out at the birth - most women I know decided whatever they had had was definitely the best type within half an hour of giving birth regardless of what they thought they wanted. I don't think you'll actually be disappointed.

Literally makes no difference either way, both sexes are a PITA as toddlers and teens

I chose not to find out when I had a preference. The idea was that, if the child was not my preferred sex, I would not be disappointed at them at birth, because they would be in my arms and gorgeous. Whereas if I found out at scan, I might be disappointed and I didn't ever want to be disappointed. It might not make sense, but it seemed much more likely that I'd be disappointed in a baby on screen being the sex I wanted less, than a baby in my arms.

Btw it worked. None of my children were ever a disappointment, even the two who turned out the 'wrong' sex 😊

Not another one who is determined to be disappointed, what is it with people??!
Anyway that scan looks like a boy to me but I'm no expert.

Never understood these threads, I dont understand why if someone has a strong preference for one sex, they would get pregnant in the first place knowing theres a 50% chance they don't get the sex they want

Any hoo, I wouldnt find out personally. I dont see how any one could feel disappointment with a healthy baby in their arms.

Congratulations op! I'd say it's a boy :)

Why would you not want to find out the sex for fear of sex disappointment then post the scans on Mumsnet? All that will happen is that people will say 'Looks like a boy' then you will spend time thinking they might be wrong because they are just randoms on the internet, and then if they arent wrong, you havent had a chance to get over yourself prepare yourself for having the opposite sex to the one you want!

I honestly think that the sex doesn't matter once you see your newborn baby. My second was another girl, I had this split second of disappointment when I was told. Then they brought her round to me (it was emergency c section birth) and it simply didn't matter any more after that. I still feel guilty for thinking it. It's not their fault they're the "wrong" sex.