Aibu re gender disappointment

[fakebake44]

Aibu to not find our baby's gender as I am terrified of gender disappointment?

Anyone any guesses on this little one at 13 and 21 weeks

I knew this thread would be full of holier the thou idiots because the OP dared to be honest about having a preference

I found out gender of both my dds not due to gender disappointment due to wanting to buy clothes

That’s a whole other argument for another thread

CalcatrippticLego

Couldn't agree more.

full of holier the thou idiots

Well, that's pleasant. I don't think there's anybody who wouldn't choose the kind of easy journey to motherhood that lets you have space in your head for trivial shit like sex preference if they could. But sure, pointing out that a healthy, living baby is something to be grateful for is 'idiotic'.

Looks like a boy to me as my DS scan looked similar. I couldn't handle the suspense

I think I wanted a girl because I had two boys and fancied a bit of variety. I ended up with two boys and two girls and I obviously find them all perfect and wouldn't change them for world. However I KNOW I would have felt the same regardless of their sex. Maybe that's why I always felt ok about saying that I'd like a girl after the boys.

There was never any possibility of me being disappointed in a baby.

I'd find out OP so you can come to terms with it before it's born.

Looks like a boy to me.

Great post, Calcatrippic.

I hate these threads purely because of the inevitable nasty pile on. There could be all kinds of reasons for have a preference, but that never stops the tidal wave of nastiness.

I've never had it, but I know two people who have. They went on to severe PND as a result. Telling people to shut up, that they're selfish and evil is absolutely awful.

I don't think there's anybody who wouldn't choose the kind of easy journey to motherhood that lets you have space in your head for trivial shit like sex preference if they could

Mine wasn't easy, it was awful and heartbreaking. I still had a preference. I couldn't tell you why because it made no sense.

The OP hasnt said she wont love the child if its the 'wrong' sex or that her first preference isnt that the child is healthy.
She has a preference and there is nothing wrong with that. Its completely rational after having a girl to prefer your second child to be a boy or even to be another girl because you know how to deal with girls for example or if you only have sisters it would be understandable if you wanted your first child to be a girl as you were used to being aroung girls.

I think as long as it is healthy gender doesn't matter. I say this as a mother of two boys, one with a severe physical and learning disability!

Strong gender preference can be an indicator of MH difficulties

Do you have any evidence for this?

Do you have any evidence for this?

... have you rtft? Did you read my full post? Lots of anecdotal evidence on this very thread about MH expressing itself in irrational gender preference.

👀. I did read that in the thread at all MrsPorter.

Didn't NOT did

My husband had a very strong preference for a girl, it boiled down to he doesn’t really like him self and wanted the baby to take after me, so in his head that meant girl. We did found out In advance and indeed it was a boy. It was an awkward few days while he processed this, and we talked a lot, but when DS arrived it was all good. He got his head around that no matter what is or isn’t between their legs the baby is a person with their own personality.
Gender disappointment can happen for a number of reasons I would suggest dealing with the root issue.

I’ve read all the discussion above. And I still think that you should wait.

I didn’t find out the sex of either of my children, and I was convinced that the second was the opposite sex than they turned out to be. I was ever so slightly disappointed for literally seconds - I’d really imagined myself with the other, but honestly - within seconds of meeting that baby, I was just delighted that they were here, and I forgot all about those imagined scenarios I’d had before.

Looks like a girl

I'm one of the people so-mentioned on this thread who would kill for a scan picture of my (useless, non child-bearing) womb with a baby in it.

That said, before I found out that I couldn't carry children, I definitely would have had a preference on the sex... I probably wouldn't have told anyone, because (as evidenced by this thread) it's very much frowned upon. And yes, being totally transparent, I may have had a moment's disappointment which I would have needed to have dealt with.

Obviously now, I wouldnt care - girl, boy, crocodile.... (ok I'd be a bit disappointed if it was a crocodile ) but just to experience being a mother (and all the good and bad that comes with that) would be a dream come true.

I wont chide the OP for her feelings. (And I'm also well aware that I don't speak for all of the infertile women - just me.) I would say, however, that this is something that does need to be worked through prior to having the baby, however you feel that's best. Either by finding out the sex or not. You dont want to miss a moment's joy on the day you bring that sweet child into the world to love and parent.

Congratulations on your little miracle, OP.

I really wanted a second daughter and was upset to find out that I was having a son. I am now so happy that I didn't get my wish. I love my son so much (and my daughter) and am really pleased that my wish didn't come true.

Lovely post Mollie.

So the OP never came back then? Hopefully she gained a bit of perspective from this thread.

I just wanted to say @Mollie that that was a lovely post - the rest of us were busy telling the OP not to be a dick about it and you put it very eloquently & far more benevolently.