Pedophile moving next door to parents

[confuddledconfudle]

My parents have a very good relationship with their ndn. Have been neighbours 30+ years. However they have just been told that their relative is due to be released shortly from prison were he is serving time for pedophilia. As a child this man made some sexual innuendo comments to me but never anything further (I didn't quite understand the comments until I was older either but knew they were wrong). Just always made me feel uncomfortable.
Ndn have grandkids that visit and my parents have grandkids that visit. AIBU to be really uncomfortable about him living next door and I don't think there is anything I can do about it.

not envy

Check the conditions of his release through Sarah’s Law. He might not be allowed any contact with children.

Just think about it this way: would you rather have him in a neighbourhood where your kids live or where your kids visit? Better of the two evils IMO. Just say to the grandparents that you'd like the kids to be supervised when playing outside that's all. I can understand where you're coming from and I don't think you're being unreasonable to be slightly uncomfortable at the idea, I think as long as you're not saying "my kids will never visit their grandparents again" you're totally fine. Just don't punish the grandparents for something that's out of their control.

I've see alleged statistics that 1 in 4 have paedophilic inclinations. You really don't know who you are living in a community with. Last released figures sow 9.2 million have criminal records, that's roughly 1 in 6 of the population and it's not all going to be TV licence and parking fines.

he is serving time for pedophilia what does that actually mean? What was his actual conviction for?

It’s safer all round if the police and probation know where the sex offenders are and the fact that your parents ndn have felt able to discuss this with your parents sounds like they haven’t got their head in the sand about their son.

I think that the chances of him reoffending are much lower if he has support from family. Would you rather he lived alone where no one would know if he was bringing children there? At least his parents can keep an eye on him.

Obviously any visiting children need to be supervised and not left alone with him, and in fact any contact with him should be minimised. At least it’s a known risk.

There's nothing you can do about him living there, but what you CAN do is talk to your parents and make sure they understand and agree that their grandchildren are never, EVER to be left alone with that man. Under any circumstances.

That's everyone - I know that knowing about it makes things safer. Life is just so much easier when he isn't there.
They live in countryside so kids are running around outside, it was when I was playing in fields as a kid that he got talking to me.
It does just mean that stricter supervision is going to be needed which just feels unfair. I do also live in same area but he is not my ndn.

It's not ndn son, it's a relative. This man is similar age to my parents. The did say he has no where else to go. He has many many relatives so none of them must be willing to have him.

He was interfering/touching children. That's what family told us at the time. I'm not sure what his exact crimes were (there was more than 1 - he has been locked away just shy of 20 years). I was also a very young teenager when he was put away so I wasn't privy to a lot of the information and he hasn't been on my radar since. I am not sure if it matters what exact crime is if someone is on sex register and as a small child he has made me uncomfortable.

He was also a heavy drinker and often caused rows with his family members outside our houses when I was a kid. Will there be restrictions on him drinking and visiting pubs?

20 years is a big tariff in the UK.
A really really big sentence.
You should get some info from Claire's law, I would be concerned.

Thanks I will look into Claire's law.

20 years?! Id definitely be looking in to what he had done!

I am trying to google his name to see if I can find any info but not being successful.

Sorry cross post op.

Anyone who lives in a heavily populated areas has paedophile neighbours.

I think the way to approach it is to use best safety practice all the time!
If you focus your safety attention on this NDN you might miss the red flags about the couple across the street IYKWIM.

I don't mean be scared of EVERYONE all the time. I mean set up good GENERAL safety rules. That will cover as much of the risk from the NDN as possible. And if you're not constantly watching NDN then your eyes aren't off risks from other angles IYKWIM

Just looked up Sarah's law and that is to find out if someone is on sex register - I know he is

Clare's law is for partners to find out if someone is at risk from violent abuse from partner, that is not this scenario.

Even if he does move away he will always be back to visit his relatives so he is not going away. I wish they would just keep him locked up. His family,my parents ndn, are so lovely, which is probably why they have agreed to take him in. I have so much time for them but really wish they hadn't agreed to this.

I think you should be able to speak with someone to reassure yourself on this. You'd hope that his time in jail would a) have been spent making sure he doesn't reoffend, and b) not ended with him being integrated back into the community unless they were absolutely sure he would not reoffend.

20 years??

That would have been more than touching children I would imagine.

Many child rapists don't get that long.

What do you think would have happened if they didn't "agree".
They actually have no right of veto
You don't get to chose to not live near paedophiles. Everyone! Yes EVERYONE who lived in built up areas does. And it's the unconvicted ones that are the biggest risk.

The longest tarriff for a single Child sex offence is 10 years?

I think maybe you should see if you can talk to someone about how you feel. It’s bound to upset you after what happened to you.

@PancakeInMaBelly very valid point. My parents live in a very sparsely populated area and is normally very safe. If you do meet someone they are know right back to their great grandparents and people don't generally move around. Although this also doesn't mean they are safe. It just feels safer. I think it's just knowing this guy is there makes me uncomfortable and I hate the thought of him having access to my children and even being able to talk to them. I hate knowing he is possibly having dirty thoughts about them. I also know it's possible other people are doing this, but it's not something I'm aware of so I don't worry about it. This is something I am aware of

Actually, if you find out his name you'll be able to google the story.

If google doesn't throw anything up, your local newspaper will have an archives section and may be able to find the story for you.

20 years should be what he got for his offence but in reality, a 20 year sentence is for far more than what you’ve been told. Do you have his full name - can you do a bit of Google investigation?

The NDNs are being open about it which is good. They didn't have to give your parents any heads up at all.?
If they're being frank with their neighbours then they're most likely being frank with the parents of their grand kids and talking about how to work around (visit the grandkids in their homes etc)

It MIGHT just be that they think that by having him live with them they can prevent him from having his own space in which to take children to iykwim.

I understand why you’re upset,and I get why it feels unsettling.its so v close
If you live in large city/town there will be a sex offender in your proximity.
And I’d advise have a safety conversation with your kids not just because of this man
Talk about keeping safe, online safety,peer pressure and not all perps are strangers

@PancakeInMaBelly if they didn't agree to have their relative to live with them (who is not a first degree relative) then he would be there. Exactly like the rest of his family have done! That's what I imagine would happen. My parents do not live in a built up area not that that has any relevance - even if they did I would still feel uncomfortable having him there.
Yes there are many we don't know about, we can't worry about everyone and all possibilities. This is someone I know about and have experienced.