Pedophile moving next door to parents

[confuddledconfudle]

My parents have a very good relationship with their ndn. Have been neighbours 30+ years. However they have just been told that their relative is due to be released shortly from prison were he is serving time for pedophilia. As a child this man made some sexual innuendo comments to me but never anything further (I didn't quite understand the comments until I was older either but knew they were wrong). Just always made me feel uncomfortable.
Ndn have grandkids that visit and my parents have grandkids that visit. AIBU to be really uncomfortable about him living next door and I don't think there is anything I can do about it.

I do have his name, I knew him as a kid, I still shiver when I hear it. I can't find it on google though

@PancakeInMaBelly very valid point. My parents live in a very sparsely populated area and is normally very safe. If you do meet someone they are know right back to their great grandparents and people don't generally move around. Although this also doesn't mean they are safe. It just feels safer

This is a false sense of security though isn't it
I grew up in an everyone knows everyone kinda place and child abuse (and adult rape) was rife, but being well known actually protected perpetrators as victims didn't think they would be believed if they accused well liked/known members of the community.

He's not the biggest risk to your children as you are already wary of him.

@PancakeInMaBelly wow are you in a mood to argue today! Get out of bed the wrong side? - I think you will find I said I know that's not safe, that I am worrying about what I know and I know this and have experience of this man so of course I am going to worry.

Go run along to another thread now, someone else might bite back.
Thank you for your input and very valid points. Have a lovely Sunday

I would also talk to your parents, if they do stay over with them, to not let them out on their own, and to supervise your kids if they go round and the relative is there.

Wow I wasn't "arguing" at all I was suggesting what I HAVE done in the same situation: use it as a prompt to update our family safety rules in GENERAL. Focusing your energy on the one you know about won't make your kids any safer in real terms. Knowing we have reassessed our safety rules in general covers as much of the risk from the known man as you can cover anyway.

I guess practical suggestions weren't what you wanted from this thread then?

I mean how will knowing what he did change your rules anyway?

If he "just" touched kids you're not going to let him have any more contact with your kids than if he raped and murdered kids are you?

The practical applications are the same as either way he's crossed a threshold. How far he went beyond that is going to make no difference to your rules.

Can I just clear up- I know this guy is not the only pedophile in the world. I know because I was attacked by a different man at 14. My cousin was attacked by a different family friend as well. I am well aware of others all around.

This man is what is disgusting me now. This man is moving into my safe space. He is taking it away from me and my kids. My kids won't be able to play in the garden without him seeing them and being able to interact. I won't be able to avoid him.

I am well aware that he isn't the only risk, he just feels like a very real one right now.

When he finally gets out, it could all be different and he might never show his face but I just don't know and I'm frightened for my kids and I don't want him to say sexual things to them like he did to me. I was 6 when he said it to me and I still remember it word for word. I don't want them having them memories god forbid anything worse. I could confront him but when I think of talking to him I feel like a 6 year old again

You could ask the local police for advice.
Maybe he's changed his name.

Yes @PancakeInMaBelly that's true which is why I said I don't think it matters what he has done when he is on sex register when asked what exactly what his crime was.

He just has so much access to my life. I know of others but I can keep clear of them - him I'm not going to be able to do that.

My kids will not be unsupervised but it is unfair that we have to change our lives for this dirty beast. But that's life unfair

I really sympathise OP, a convicted paedophile moved next door to my DParents a few years ago. They have since moved.
I don't think there's much else you can do other than be vigilant I'm afraid.

I think Claire’s Law is to find out about domestic violence.

I think Sarah’s law is to find out about sex offenders.

But I’m not sure.

Library, local paper, court report around the time he went down.

Realistic and the only tangible thing to do is call at the station and speak to the community PC, they may not go into detail but will have a current risk assessment.

If he served 20 years then the initial must be 28+ (I'm leaping to conclusions that as a child sex offender he is unlikely to be violent towards other inmates so tariff handed from judge) it shouldn't be that hard to find out with his name.

In the 90's, for a big sentence like that, the aggravating factors must be bad.

Yes,it’s an intrusion into your family space, somewhere you all hang out,feeling safe
Now, understandably you’ll not feel the same visiting your parents
It’s forced you to recall unpleasant events & the inappropriate comments he made to you

And of course your frightened for your kids and want to protect them

Just want to acknowledge I understand what you’re saying & feeling

@Beeziekn33ze no he has same name.

I don't even think police could do anything. As I said to my parents ndn house is going to be assessed on no children living in their house and no children living in my parents house. So nothing can be done.

It's just unfair tha one man can cause disruption to everyone else's lives

Yes it is Sarah's law (Sarah Payne poor lamb) but even if you can't get disclosure from that the Bobby should help ease concerns.

It's a shifty situation but you can't ban him from the neighbourhood. I'm sorry if you think that's me being argumentative but it's not. There's no point in me suggesting things you can't do.

It DOES help to know that you've 're-covered the topic in general with your kids. It DOES help to know you've reassessed your family rules in general. I know that this helps make this shit situation feel a bit less scary because I've been there and done it, and if you keep thinking about HIM it'll drive you mad.

Thank you @LipstickHandbagCoffee and everyone else - I think I just want to sound of. I am in tears at the thought of it and the fact I've no control of it. That I can't prevent this man from being in our lives unless I stop my children going to my parents, which is not fair for any of them.

With bloody video drones being sold to the public, no garden is private or just overlooked by neighbours any more anyway

We all need to rethink. And it sucks. It does.

Someone flew a drone around our tent while we were camping and took photos of ds. I figured out who it was and gave them what for.

I don't think it's fair that you're being so rude to pancakes when she's just pointing out the truth- you KNOW this man will be living there and although it's shit he has to live somewhere, you know it's at the ndn's house and as such you can have conversations with your parents and dc's and everyone involved will know he's a wrong'un and not to allow any contact with him. It's also true though that just as he was free to have contact with you when you were a child there will likely be lots of people under the radar where you and your dc's live/ work/ go. So the fact that you know this man is a risk is a positive rather than a negative. Whatever he got 20 years for likely wasn't known by those victims or their families.

For me the 20 year relationship with the neighbours would be over. Same goes for anyone known to be allowing a paedophile to live with them. yanbu at all OP. I too would be angered at freedom being lost because of people like this.

I'd feel the exact same worrt as you. I know there are potentially abusers living near any of us and I know most children are abused within the family etc - but I would still be horrified to hear such a person was confirmed to be so close by.

I'm surprised the neighbours agreed to take him in. To earn a time in prison that long he must have done something pretty bad. I wouldn't want to share a home with him.

"For me the 20 year relationship with the neighbours would be over. Same goes for anyone known to be allowing a paedophile to live with them."

maybe they feel responsible for not noticing last time and feel it's their duty to keep an eye on him this time?

He is less of a risk in his relatives house than he would be if housed in a 1 bed flat alone like they usually are. This is an uncomfortable truth.

If they were taking it lightly they wouldn't be flagging it up to the neighbours.

I would be making sure that your parents never let the children visit the house. He wont have got 20 years for touching - it would have been rape probably of multiple victims

When paedophiles are released with no fixed abode they can't go into temporary HMOs so are given 1 bed flats as they can't be in a HMO with shared toilets where families are housed. But they CAN be in self contained flats in buildings that have children in them so long as it's fully self contained.

He will have far more supervision in the NDNs house than he would have otherwise.

It's actually a good thing they are doing this even though most people wouldnt/couldnt.