To resent the new girlfriend living with DS

[Icklepickle101]

I split up with my ex in August after I found out he had been seeing someone else for the last 8 months of our 4 year relationship. He very quickly made their relationship official which was fine. I repeatedly stated I did not want DS (1.5) to meet her yet as he was so little he wouldn’t understand but this was ignored and they met 2 weeks later.

Ex and new woman have now got a house (4 months after me and him splitting up) so DS now spends 3 nights a week living with the new girlfriend. He’s been banished to his own room and banned from cuddles in his dads bed. I can’t help but feel sad that this woman is forcing these rules upon my little boy who’s whole life has been torn apart and probably just wants a bit of comfort.

AIBU to hate her for firstly splitting his family up and now playing the evil stepmother? Seeing photos of the three of them together breaks my heart

IcklePickle. You're OP was very clear I'm not sure why other posters are struggling with the time frame. 💁🏻

Your DS is way too young to be away from you. Please stop using your DS as a pawn in the hope of winning your xP back from the 'evil' girlfriend who has taken him.

Prioritise your DS rather than your xP.

To look at it the other way- would you be happy if you found out they were co sleeping with your 2 year old? I k ow it’s hard, but maybe she doesn’t want to cross the boundary and have him sleep with them, in case that upsets you?

And I am a parent who has had 50/50 since child was 11 months old. Now 5 and is well adjusted- no attachment issues. It can work if both parents are focused on the child’s needs, but it is hard.

I'm not really a fan of cosleeping, as my 2 year old squirms about and kicks me, but I don't have any strong feelings about it either way. DD comes in with us quite a bit, especially when teething, poorly etc. I wouldn't consider trying to limit this around any big change - right now we're expecting a new baby any day so we aren't trying anything new until things have calmed down a bit. I'd put the dummy into that category, too. I've not really made much progress with changes I've been trying to make when there's been a big thing to cope with - a horrid cold would mean all bets were off, basically.

It sounds like the ex was keener on cosleeping than OP, and she supported his preference. He's now asking her to do the opposite, because it's his preference to end cosleeping. He's asking a 2 year old to cope with a hell of a lot here, and it all seems a bit thoughtless. Maybe he doesn't want to accept that he's putting the child through a difficult time, but pretending that it isn't going to be a lot to adjust to isn't fair on his child, or OP.

It's a really hard position to be in, OP, to try to stay on good terms with your ex for the sake of children, when you also have to advocate for the child when their other parent's wishes are sometimes in conflict with what's best for the child. I'm not a single parent myself, but my parents split up when my younger sibling was 1.5, and ultimately respect my dm for the tricky situation she was in.

It sounds like OW has an idea of what a 2 yo should be and do. So 2 yo should sleep through in own bed all night, no dummy etc and wants to implement that NOW. Your Ex is at fault for allowing her to dictate. He knows your son and what your child needs.

Can you sit down 121 with him and talk it through properly?

No cosleeping at Dads but Dad goes into his room to comfort him. Cosleeps with mom whilst new partner not living there. Review afterwards.
Dummy just in bedroom at both houses etc.

I do think if DC was a girl and new partner was a man people would be more sympathetic to him not wanting her in his bed.

Hi folks,

We've had a few reports about this one. We're going to temporarily suspend the thread while we have a chat with the OP.

Thanks to all who got in touch