To ask my children to write thank you letters?

[millimat]

DD (14) and DS (12) both have late January birthdays so they tend to write a combined thank you letter for birthday and Christmas presents for everybody who have them something. They're whinging saying nobody else ever writes them. AIBU to expect them to write them?

I think at their age it is reasonable to expect them to write a simple thank you note. I think they are right in saying that not many people do it now, but I think it's a nice thing to do. I do sometimes cheat and use the touchnote app which lets you upload pictures and mails the postcard with your message for you. This might make them more willing?once you input the addresses they are dead quick to do.

Its a bit old fashioned, why not tell them to send a text or email?

I think an email or phone call is also fine, but not to acknowledge gifts received is rude.

Some of our older rels/friends don't have the Internet, so I think that sunnysidegold s suggestion is an excellent one
Actually, that's one I'll use myself, so much better than buying the box of 'thank you' notelets I've been buying.
So, thanks for that suggestion.

Lovely idea but in reality no one writes them or keeps them. A text or call would suffice- more important to teach them the manners with the intent than keep the old fashioned letter writing ideal.

My kids write them.

Mine do phone calls for those who don't have internet or mobiles. Text or calls to those who do.

Your kids are right that virtually nobody does thank you notes anymore. They are such a bloody chore. So long as they either thanked in person on the day or by phone, messenger or text then why is a written message in the post necessary? Surely it is overkill.

It is lovely getting thank you letters, it’s a shame people think it’s unnecessary, you can just send a text.

in reality no one writes them or keeps them.

That’s not true, I always write thank you cards and they are much appreciated. As evidenced by this thread people still do write thank you notes. It’s just good manners.

We don't do them either. Either thank in person or text/ messenger a thank you

It is also good manners to thank by phone, messenger, text or just simply in person at the time, as appropriate.

Nothing else needed.

I have never sent or received a thank you note for a birthday or Christmas present. Didn't know that people did that until I read it on mumsnet.

I think that thanking the gift giver is important, but I don't think the manner of the thanks makes any difference.

My dds always wrote thank you letters... When I nagged them to do it.. Now as young adults they do it voluntarily. I stopped buying gifts for various teenage godchildren when they stopped bothering to send me a thank you letter. My godchildren's mother commented she couldn't be bothered to make them write or email or txt thank you so I thought we'll I cannot be bothered to buy and send a gift

My children do send thank you cards- my five year old dd wrote basic ones to each of her friends after her birthday party and she nearly always gets one from her friends after theirs too. Same with my ds too.
I think it’s also fine to send a text or call if you prefer that though, as long as the present is acknowledged in some way I would be happy. Sometimes I send a photo text with my dc wearing the jumper/playing with the toy they received which people seem to like.

As a family we also send thank you cards or notes for social events, parties etc...

I have also never sent or received a thank you letter for birthday or Christmas gifts and have never had my children do them. They either say thank you in person at the time of receiving or we phone/send a text to say thank you if the gift has been sent

I'd hate to think of teenagers being nagged to write thank you letters. At the same time, I get really annoyed when a certain family member doesn't even acknowledge birthday and Christmas gifts I send to their child. I don't even know whether they've received it most of the time.

A simple text/email acknowledgement from either the parent or the older child is absolutely fine for me.

I was never "made" to send thank you cards as a child, but I do now. I was about 20 and overheard someone say my DM was "either rude or ungrateful" because she doesn't thank properly, and swore that would never be me!
DP thought it was cute but unnecessary in the beginning but his family really appreciate the gesture and now he joins in on them too. We're 30 this year but send cards for Birthdays, Christmas, overnight stays, and random acts of kindness, everyone we know really appreciates them.
Having said that, we really don't get many in return. Oh well.

I was always made to send them, starting the habit of a life time. I also write them to thank people for hospitality.

Jellybean I am with you on this. If child or adult cannot be bothered to write or let me know their present has arrived then I cannot be arsed to send them anything in the future. I am not looking for War and Peace just a little acknowledgement or in the case of smaller children a drawing or similar.

I have an aged Aunt, her son and daughter in law, her grandson and wife and the great grandchildren all of which about to deleted from my present list. Major saving which I shall spend on others or myself.

I write them currently for my children as their pre School (DS takes a crayon to them. When older they will write them themselves. My parent had a policy that we got to play/wear a gift for a couple of days and then it was removed until the thank you letter had been written.

YANBU. I'm with jelly and limber. Also used to get DCs to thank for parties and stays ... they do it themselves now ..

Of course people write them - it's good manners. Thanking in a different format can work too. I actually had no idea that people didn't write them until I joined Mumsnet.

Yabu, thank you letters and cards are a horrible waste of paper. Phone calls or even text are perfectly acceptable - it’s saying thank you that’s important not the form it comes in. They’re definitely too old to be made to write them out as well.

Are you refusing to let them thank in other ways? If they'd rather thank face to face (or have already done so) make a phone call or send an email YABU.

Not thanking is the rude part. Not using their mother's preferred medium is not rude. There is no reason at all it has to be a letter unless it's to a reclusive 97 year old who they don't see in person and who hates the telephone but has still got good enough eye sight to read a letter...

Making them write letters to people they've already thanked face to face is overkill and more about you wanting to be seen as an exemplary parent than anything else.

My mother managed to take all the joy out of receiving presents with her anally retentive obsession with theatrically calling attention to writing a "thank you letter list" as presents were unwrapped and policing the immediate writing of long "newsy" thank you letters which had to be drafted and redrafted until they met her standards for content, handwriting and spelling. By 11 I wanted to write and ask her millions of aunts and cousins not to send me any more book tokens or nylon big lacy knickers presents ...