To ask my children to write thank you letters?

[millimat]

DD (14) and DS (12) both have late January birthdays so they tend to write a combined thank you letter for birthday and Christmas presents for everybody who have them something. They're whinging saying nobody else ever writes them. AIBU to expect them to write them?

I insist on them, and still nag the university one into submission...

@yorkshireyummymummy

Dare I say it........maybe it’s a class thing?

Hmm yes I think you're right. It's mainly the lower/working classes that scream and stamp their feet if they don't get a thank you card, and the lower/working class mommies who pin their offspring down to make little Tyrone hand-write a 100 word thank-you letter to granny for the 99p selection box.

The middle classes are less precious, and often have professional careers, and they have better things to do than sitting writing pointless letters to precious ninnies who spit feathers if they ONLY get a verbal thank-you, or a text, or a facebook message.

So yeah, it's a class thing. The lower classes are the ones who are obsessed with having a thank-you letter written for them from every fucker they send a gift to. The middle classes and upper classes have better things to do, and don't give a shiny shit.

I make my DC write thank you letters. I know it means a lot to my PILs and other relatives.

@AmberTopaz

I MAKE MY DC WRITE THANK YOU LETTERS

Can you not see how wrong this is? You MAKE them send them. FFS!

Yes- too young for a mobile, so write thank yous to the people we haven't seen to say it in person to- otherwise apart from basic manners if it came in the post, how does sender know it's arrived?

We write thankyou letters here. Dd2 (6) just bashed out 7 in an hour. Not difficult.
I feel a bit sad when our presents go unacknowledged (as most do - at least, the ones to school friends).

@petbear Agree that it could be a class thing. One of my DSs went to a boys' boarding school that will remain nameless. One of the things they were drilled to do was hand-write thank you letters and cards - not just for presents, but if they'd been invited somewhere, etc. So if it is a class thing, I'd say it's possible that proper letters are the domain of what you call the "working/lower classes" and the upper-middle-class-and beyond, with the ordinary middles being so busy agonising about the proper liberal/soft lefty thing to do that they don't do anything at all.

In my experience, it's women who are over 55, and who don't work, who piss and moan if they don't get a thank-you letter for a gift they send. They seem to assume that just because they have fuck-all to do all day, that other people also have fuck-all to do. Some people are actually busy with their career, their family, their friends, and their hobbies.

And children are busy too, with their education, and their friends, and their hobbies. They shouldn't be forced and bullied into writing thank-you letters to every fucker that sends them a gift. It's ridiculous! (especially when they would have thanked them in person when they gave them the gift, or could easily send a text or facebook message!)

As I said, I would rather they didn't send a gift if they're going to be so pissy and precious.

No-one does them? Really? My kids write thank you letters for Christmas and birthday gifts. Absolutely.

I always had to do thank you letters/notes & we do them in this house. I know it seems old fashioned - but I think it's not too much to ask if someone has given my kids £20 or a really nice gift. I usually put a photo of the kids in. They usually take ages for us to get round to doing but they do get sent eventually. I think it's good manners.

It’s not wrong. Sometimes kids don’t want to do something, and as a parent you insist that they do. Like eating their veg or sharing with their sibling or brushing their teeth.

petbear we all have to do things we don't enjoy sometimes. Kids need to accept that! I'm pretty busy person and find time to do them. I'm neither over 55 nor out of work.

It's not cruel at all and I'm not joking! It's simply good manners. He didn't open the presents at the party (he obviously thanked each child when he was handed a present), but the thank you notes were personalised to the gift. No stamps required as the school thank you notes went home in book bags. I did post the other notes as most family live far away, and most enjoy receiving written thank you notes. One person saves them in a box. I don't see it as a waste at all. My DS enjoyed practising his joined up writing and he loves receiving similar notes from his friends.

Whatever floats your boat as long as a thankyou is given. If they were not able to thank in person my DC send a WhatsApp with a photo of themselves with whatever present they have received. Seems to go down well :)

In my experience, Petbear, those who don't send them are ill-mannered in other ways too, as your posts suggest.

P.S. I am well under 55, and I have a full-time job. I still expect to receive thank-you letters, as well as making sure my DC send them. My hobbies are not so important that they can't wait for half an hour while I tie the DC to their chairs to write letters.

There are children I give presents to who have never so much as acknowledged the present let alone thanked me. These are teenagers with plenty of access to technology. Obviously it must not be in their family culture to send thank you letters but I really don’t feel like continuing to send (unacknowledged) gifts any more.

YANBU.

As another poster said, I don’t know anyone who sends them.

I get so pissed off when I send gifts and don’t even receive a thank you text. How hard is that? I’ve had to text the recipients parents myself to ask if they received the card/gift and only then received some form of acknowledgement. It’s incredibly rude and I’ve stopped sending anything.

So no. Even if it’s just a thank you text gifts should be acknowledged. YANBU.

I think compelling children to write thank you cards is fussy and a strangled etiquette
If your kids want to,and chose to, write thank you cards that’s fine.
but imposing it because you think it good manners is in fact bad manners
My kids send emails, have made videos or Skype and no I don’t force them to send thank you notes

My dcs always sent them and now my nieces and nephews who are you nger send them to me. I pin them on my notice board and love them. I wouldn't give up sending gifts if l didn't get them but it brightens my day when l do.

imposing it because you think it good manners is in fact bad manners

Bit of an imaginative leap there, Lipstick. Writing letters may be a chore for the children, but it certainly isn't bad manners on my part to make sure they do it. Any more than it's bad manners on my part when I make sure they hold doors open for the person behind them, or brush their teeth, or not bring their phones to the dining table, or do more than grunt at my friends. They are just all things that make other people's lives that little bit nicer, and that is surely the very definition of good manners.

My DC all send thank you letters. My DD actually enjoys it!!

olgathebrickshed
I agree with you. Thank you

My teens all send thank you cards to relatives/friends for Christmas presents. Most of the people who receive them prefer paper cards over text messages or whatever, so that's what we do.

I despised doing this as a kid. Fucking hated my mum breathing down my neck getting start that my handwriting was shit.