To ask my children to write thank you letters?

[millimat]

DD (14) and DS (12) both have late January birthdays so they tend to write a combined thank you letter for birthday and Christmas presents for everybody who have them something. They're whinging saying nobody else ever writes them. AIBU to expect them to write them?

Nope I think you are 100% right. Thanking someone is important and taking a moment to write a note helps children learn that showing appreciation is good thing. If we didn't get the chance to thank the gift giver in person we always write to thank them. I'm doing the same with my lo.

We always send them to relatives as we see them rarely & don't generally speak on the phone but they make the effort to send Christmas & birthday presents to DD so it seems the least we can do

Thank you everyone. Quite a mixed reaction.
I'm interested in the amount that say a text is acceptable - that's what they want to do! I think it's lazy and people wouldn't appreciate the thanks, but maybe they would given the response on here.

Is a text any lazier than being forced to write on a card by their mother? Surly most adults are mature enough to realise that a text thank you from a teenager is pretty normal/respectful/best you could expect. I would be thankful if it even included a few words and not just a thumbs up emoji.

Very outdated. Waste of time and money. Anyone who demands them is a precious, special snowflake.

As @evelyn said, I would sooner someone didn't bother sending gifts if they are going to kick off, and stamp their feet in a rage, if they don't get a bloody 'thank-you' letter that has been written only because they insist on it/expect it.

I think it's so sad people see thank you cards as a waste of time or money. Not onky is it good manners but it is such a nice thing to receive. If I have bothered to find a really lovely thoughtful gift, wrapped it, posted it or I have had you to stay for a weekend and have cooked and cleaned and entertained you... A simple card in the post is a lovely way to make feel appreciated.

Until they think about, buy, wrap and give their own presents, they can write a thank you note.

I do them on behalf of DS who is not yet able to write, he puts painty handprints on them! My husband thinks it’s totally unnecessary but I have visited the houses of people who sent him a ‘welcome to the world’ present and they’ve still had the thank you card on the bookcase or fridge a year later, so some people definitely do value them. Once he’s old enough he’ll be expected to write a simple line in a card. I still find cards and letters much more permanent and meaningful than texts or e-mails, which are very empheral.

Everyone I know writes them. We write them to everyone except MIL who told me they were stupid lol!

Why should text, a WhatsApp, an FB Messenger message or a phone call be considered lazy or rude?

Methods of communication are changing. The important thing is that they actually do say thank you.

I am in my fifties. When I was growing up in the seventies and early eighties we only wrote thank you letters to family and friends who still didn't have a phone. As that gradually changed and we could phone instead then the requirement to write was dispensed with, which was an absolute relief to be honest.

Yes. A thank you ketter is just weird. Whatever happened to good old fashioned thank you cards?

We give and receive thank you notes from vast majority of people, basic manners. YANU.

People who say writing thank you letter is just basic manners are just virtue signalling. If you want to do it do it, but it is no more 'good manners' than saying thank you by voice or by typing the letters and sending them electronically.

Its seems overly formal to me. Maybe its the norm amongst some people but I know my MIL for example would be a bit bemused if we sent a thank you card for a gift she gave our child.

A phone call or text is fine if you can't thank them in person.

You can still teach a child the importance of showing appreciation without the need for writing and posting a card.

As long as i get and give thanks, i dont care. A lack of any thanks is rude imo. I think an honest thanking text is better than a force and unwilling letter

My daughter always sends thank you cards.
It’s a good habit to get into and it’s always nice to receive a thank you card.
Dare I say this,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,maybe it’s a class thing?

I think it's very outdated and old fashioned, plus i hate getting thank you cards as it's such a waste of paper!

Thank you cards written here too (under sufferance!)

My DS is 6 and for me it's so important to send a written thank you note. He had a big whole-year party in November and wrote thank you notes to over 30 children, plus another 15 thank you notes to family and non-school friends. We spaced it out over a few evenings, and once he got into the swing of it he was fine, and it was good writing practice. My view is that if people can be kind enough to send a gift the very least you can do is say thank you. Nearly all children in DS's year send written thank you notes. I think it's a lovely tradition. My family are big on thank you notes and DH's family aren't, and I find it a bit rude!

Having this debate with my 13yo.... I am FOOOOORCING him to do them for family. He doesn't have to do them for his friends because it's not what they do now. Cringe. Etc.

@AliTheMinx

My DS is 6 and for me it's so important to send a written thank you note. He had a big whole-year party in November and wrote thank you notes to over 30 children, plus another 15 thank you notes to family and non-school friends. We spaced it out over a few evenings, and once he got into the swing of it he was fine, and it was good writing practice.

Fucking hell fire. I hope you're joking.

What a hideous waste of time, paper, stamps, envelopes, and money.

Did your SIX YEAR OLD child not manage to thank them at the party? And you made him write 45 letters and thank-you notes? That's plain cruel.

As I said, I hope you are joking.

@Julie8008

Is a text any lazier than being forced to write on a card by their mother? Surly most adults are mature enough to realise that a text thank you from a teenager is pretty normal/respectful/best you could expect.

I have to ask also, why is a thank-you text or a quick Facebook message not acceptable to some?

Why so precious and demanding?

@Julie8008

Is a text any lazier than being forced to write on a card by their mother? Surly most adults are mature enough to realise that a text thank you from a teenager is pretty normal/respectful/best you could expect.

THIS ^

I have to ask also, why is a thank-you text or a quick Facebook message not acceptable to some?

Why so precious and demanding?

When they were n Reception my DC had a (very posh) TA who always wrote a personal thank you for their end of term presents - a whole side of A5 too and posted it to them during the school holidays. At that age they were so thrilled to get these letters (almost the only mail they got). They have never forgotten how special it made them feel. Now whenever the whinge about writing thank you notes I only have to remind them about how they felt getting Mrs TA's letters to get them to get on with it.

A reminder of how a good example is worth a 100 naggings....