To drag DH back into family life after illness?

[lookingforthecorkscrew]

I've posted before about DH suffering from severe anxiety (exacerbated by recent financial difficulties). We had one hellish week of him being practically paralysed by anxiety and unable to function - eating and sleeping were a struggle. We sought help for this and the GP took him very seriously.

While all this was happening I was picking up the slack and looking after our 3yo DS, planning a house move (we move in less than 3 weeks) and being pregnant with HG. It was tiring as DS was ill, but my husband was genuinely unable to contribute so I just got on with everything.

Another week passed, he's now working again (he works from home) and his eating and sleeping have improved a bit, though he still wakes in the night. He's reading for pleasure again and enjoying little things like having a beer in the evening. He even went out for drinks with friends the other night.

This is now the third weekend since the worst point. But he still isn't participating in family life at all. Every morning he stays in bed until 10.30/11 and won't get up to help with DS. This morning I challenged him on it and he just turned over in bed. He still puts his needs before ours, talking about himself and how he's getting on. The other night I didn't sleep at all because DS was up with a bad chest, he said 'Oh I slept through all that, that's good isn't it?' - he is viewing everything through a very selfish filter.

And I need his help now. This move is getting closer. I need help with organising our house. I need help with entertaining our son so that we can organise the house. I have bad days with my HG where getting on normally is very difficult. Our baby will be here in June. And I'm just really really fucking tired of doing everything.

He has form for this, mental ill health aside. He's never been proactive with parenting DS, doesn't really initiate any meaningful 1-1 time with him. When they are alone together he gives DS the iPad and sits looking at his phone. Consequently DS looks to me to fulfil most of his needs - and struggles with being away from me. I want this to change.

But I just don't know how to approach this. DH has been ill, and I have great sympathy for that. But I also think he's being a bit of a CF...

This sucks OP. Do you have anyone around who can support you both with the practicalities and emotionally? Sometimes it is surprising how willing to help people are when they realise you are drowning not waving. Are you part of a mother's group or similar? A mum in our group had a similar situation where her DH was very ill and subsequently suffered severe anxiety and we cooked, gave lifts, baby sat etc. Ask, impose on others, take all the help you need, make a 'fuss' with your GP/midwife to get hooked into support services for DH and you. Maybe stay clear of AIBU! The relationship board tends to be a bit less bruising.

Good luck with everything and hope all goes well with the move and birth x

@ShuttyTown

so many times I read threads on here off women complaining about their useless and selfish husbands then it's always coupled with 'I'm pregnant'. Why you would go on to have more than one child with a man who has proven he's nothing but a child himself is beyond me

^...^......^

I concur with this.