Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants a phone ban after 7pm each night

101 replies

CheeseFiend36 · 03/02/2018 23:41

We have been married for 6 years. Generally a good marriage but we can be quite different at times :- he can be constantly chattering or on the wind up like an 18year old Man-Boy, while I’m comfortable in my own company and can literally sit there on the sofa and not say a word to him for an hour, not for any bad reason other than I don’t always feel the need to talk about inane shit.

Anyway, apparently this grates DH as he doesn’t understand why I would not to converse with him after DS has gone to bed, he’s got it into his head that I’m too distracted by social media on my phone (he doesn’t have any SM while I do) and that I’m on my phone far too much it’s hindering my ability to create a conversationBiscuit.

He keeps suggesting a phone ban after 7pm for both of us, to prove a point because apparently he doesn’t use his phone after these hours and can do it easily (which is complete bullshit) but he “knows I will struggle”.

why should I - I’m the one that usually spends the whole day busy with DS and barely get time to go on my phone during the day meaning when DS is in bed, that’s usually my time to “catch up”, and yes that includes being on my phone. He does about 5% of the day’s childcare and has plenty of occasions to be on his phone in peace during the day, such as the half-hourly toilet excursions he regularly makes Hmm.

Aibu to tell him to stuff his idea and to get a grip?

OP posts:
Gide · 03/02/2018 23:44

As you’re not a child, I think you can’t tell him to fuck right off. Is he controlling in other areas?

PlaymobilPirate · 03/02/2018 23:47

7pm is early... could you compromise at 9?

Do and I need to have this conversation as I think phone use (both of us) is killing out relationship

GreenTulips · 03/02/2018 23:48

I doubt it's control! I think he needs a days childcare and house work plus you nattering at him for a couple of hours so he actually understands the need to switch off.

Tell him to sod off while your 'on a break' and do some form of hobby

WineGummyBear · 03/02/2018 23:49

That's a joke right? Noone could really be that patronising surely?

Seriously though, OP how can you live with yourself missing out on this great conversationalist?

Dazedandconfuzzled · 03/02/2018 23:51

God no you are not a child. We try to have phone free time but my dh knows that after my dd goes to bed I like a bit of time to sit and relax, whether that's reading or messing on my phone. Dd doesn't stop all day, she doesn't shut up either so a bit of silence and some time to myself is much appreciated.

lackingimagination · 03/02/2018 23:51

He's highlighted something in your relationship that is making him unhappy and is making a suggestion to improve it. You have plenty of options (agreeing, compromising, trialling it etc.), it's not like he's given you an ultimatum. He sounds like a good partner, I really can not see any issue here.

MayFayner · 03/02/2018 23:52

Er, no. He an stay off his phone if he likes. You do what you want with yours.

kyrenialady · 03/02/2018 23:53

I'd rather live by myself.

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 03/02/2018 23:54

I've seen lots of women complain that their husbands are too busy on their phones or consoles to do stuff with their wives or kids and they've had lots of support.
Is there a compromise to be had here? Say you get an hour once ds has gone to bed then you do stuff with your h?

bambambini · 03/02/2018 23:55

I think most of us would probably benefit from a phone ban if some sort - my family all spend way too much time on our phones and I'm a big offender. I’d love an intervention. He might have a point or you could at least reach some kind of compromise.

HarrietSchulenberg · 03/02/2018 23:57

If you're spending hours at a time not speaking because one of you is stuck to an electronic device, maybe he has a point. ExH used to sit glued to his Playstation all evening which made me very lonely.

Ellendegeneres · 03/02/2018 23:57

My dp knows even when he stays over, I do whatever to get some downtime. Be it mumsnet, whatever, it’s my time. We don’t even live together and he gets that I’m busy all damn day with the kids so I need to wind down.
If I were you op I’d be telling him to get fucked. He can play parent to his kid, tell them when they can and can’t do shit, he’s not doing it to you, an adult.

NotAnotherEmma · 03/02/2018 23:58

It's sad that you don't enjoy your husband's company maybe because you clearly resent him so much. Even sadder that you're talking to strangers about it rather than him.

The good news is that you'll have plenty of time to play on your phone after the divorce. 😊

Original poster
CheeseFiend36 · 03/02/2018 23:59

I think what’s annoyed me about the way he’s approached it is that he hasn’t given any consideration to the fact that the evening is my downtime. If he’d offered to do more with DS during the day so that I can some time to myself in the afternoon instead then I’d gladly compromise. It’s like me grazing on food all day while he’s only had breakfast, and then me deciding that we should both be banned from eating after 7pm

OP posts:
CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 03/02/2018 23:59

Well you're not unreasonable to refuse this as it does sound ott but are you quite certain you're not overdoing the phone/social media in the evenings? Because while I think his blanket ban is too much, it's not out of order to want to have some interaction with your partner during your limited time alone together. He wouldn't be the first person to be a bit put out and feel ignored. I note conversation with him is "inane shit", is browsing online or checking Facebook somehow more scintillating really?

GummyGoddess · 04/02/2018 00:01

Tell him that then, he takes DS for a period of time in the afternoon, you put the phone down at an agreed time.

laudanum · 04/02/2018 00:02

I would tell him to piss off.

Original poster
CheeseFiend36 · 04/02/2018 00:04

I am not glued to my phone, it’s one of the things I do. I do other stuff too such as watching the news, catching up on things recorded on the planner, reading the newspaper etc, but he’s drawn conclusions that it’s just the phone that’s the problem, and in particular being on social media (which he thinks is poisenous hence why he has no SM profiles)

OP posts:
ObscuredbyFog · 04/02/2018 00:06

I think he needs a days childcare and house work plus you nattering at him for a couple of hours so he actually understands the need to switch off

Exactly my thoughts on reading the OP, GreenTulips beat me to it Grin

Birdsgottafly · 04/02/2018 00:07

"I’m the one that usually spends the whole day busy with DS and barely get time to go on my phone during the day meaning when DS is in bed, that’s usually my time to “catch up”, and yes that includes being on my phone"

In the old days we'd 'catch up" with our Partners and be happy to talk to each other.

We have become glued to our phones. It's not a popular view but I see Parents everyday that act irritated that their children are interrupting their phone time.

If this was a Man on his Xbox etc, you'd be getting very different answers.

You don't sound as though you like him and SM won't help with that. If I was with someone that didn't want a conversation or giving each other undivided attention, I'd end it.

It doesn't matter what anyone on here has to say, you need to listen to him, unless you don't mind your relationship ending.

WhendoIgetadayoff · 04/02/2018 00:08

Gummy spot on. Say to take kids out on weekends and give you few hours to yourself and you’ll switch off phone at 7 over weekends.
And you don’t always have to chat you can watch tv/DVD whatever I assume.

Birdsgottafly · 04/02/2018 00:10

I've never met anyone who hasn't underestimated how much time they are dedicating to SM and how it changes their mood, tbh.

Why isn't he pulling his weight with DS?

donajimena · 04/02/2018 00:12

Id rather be on my phone than watching tv. I'm not on social media all the time though. I like reading online news etc
How is it any different to tv or a paperback?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 04/02/2018 00:13

Seriously?! 🤣😂

Ask him if he wants to give you a curfew & pocket money too?!

Tell him to pull his weight with DS & the house and you might have more time & inclination to listen to his inane shite.

Lashalicious · 04/02/2018 00:25

I think you both have a point. He is unhappy that he feels he’s losing his connection with you and is trying to have time with you in the evening but you’re on your phone. So he’s trying to find a solution like turning off the phones at 7. However, I also get that this is your chance to relax with your phone, internet, messages w/friends, whatever, because you are worn out from taking care of dc. In fact your post made me giggle a little because I feel just like you sometimes, I want to sit by myself on mumsnet with a nice drink and relax lol. Maybe a compromise? Give him an hour of just being with him and an hour and a half that you get to yourself?