Is this punishment twice over?

[Notss]

Hi all,

Another school related disagreement between me and DH.

Basically school have a disco on the last day before half term that DS2 would like to go to. But the entry requirements are that children should have received any “red cards” for behaviour.

DS2 has received a couple red cards since Christmas (And was grounded for each) and therefore can’t go, I’m fully on board with this but DH thinks it’s wrong and is punshining twice for the same offence?

Who is BU?

Thanks!

Seems a bit unfair that whilst violence and vandalism gets an instant red card, forgetting your homework /PE kit gets the same!

You knew the red card would mean he wouldn't be allowed at the disco. So your punishment was the 'double'

Some of the instant reds look ridiculous to me!! Especially something like homework or PE kit.

Seems a bit unfair that whilst violence and vandalism gets an instant red card, forgetting your homework /PE kit gets the same! That does seem unfair. Personally I'd be calling the police for violence and vandalism.

Sorry all, to clarify

As I understand it violence and vandalism do carry things like isolation and police involvement. It’s just all logged on the system parents can see as a yellow or red card.

Homework, PE kit, lateness and swearing are the main ones for an instant red (so basically an instant hours DT on a Friday)

School have punished him twice and you've added an extra one at home. Let the school punish him and you just have a chat about his behaviour.
Why are you and dh arguing about it when you can't change the school's policy?

Is this one of those academies?

And on online system for behaviour management! No wonder teachers complain about admin etc.

and not bringing in PE kit

God I'd have never seen the light of day if this got you an hour detention when I was at school

Are online behaviour management systems not the norm in secondary schools then? I'd assumed they were.

It sounds very easy to get a red card. I think every child at school will potentially get one during their time at school under that system. I know there needs to be zero tolerance for lack of kit or missed homework etc but I don’t think it’s fair to use red cards as a bench mark for missing the disco. As far as School are concerned in this instance, he got the cards and received a detention, this should be the end of it. As for any violent, abusive children, there should be a separate system to exclude them. This is punishing the children for the sake of it.

Is there a reward every half term?
If so, if you've got a red card and miss the reward, surely you have a maximum of 6/7 weeks until the red card is expunged and you have the chance for next half term's treat? It's a week or two until half term for most kids in England so in your shoes, I'd tell your son to suck it up until the new reward period started after half term.

A lot of reward systems grant a reward at the time (praise, sticker, behaviour point...) and a larger one later (certificate for behaviour, big treat for getting x points on reward chart etc)

In life there are often short term and long term consequences for bad choices

If you get fired from a job you have the short term consequence of having lost your job and therefore your income. But long term, having been fired can also affect your ability to get another job if potential employers find out you were fired previously.

He’s Year 7, so old enough to understand that.

The punishments sound massively ott.

There are consequences for poor behaviour.

You son is well old enough to understand the consequences of his behaviour.

His red cards were for repeated infractions. He only has himself to blame.

Rather than whine to the school about unfair punishments your DH’s time would be better spent discussing the impact of inconsiderate and rude behaviour on the entire class with your DS and discuss how he could improve in this regard.

The only issue with red cars for minor issues and punishing twice is at some point it could become cool to not get into the school disco, or in the case of one of my friends dc, not in my dcs school. Her dc and a number of his friends got the equivalent of the red card and weren't allowed to go to the Christmas school party.

So she threw her own party each year for those that wanted to come. Her ds has ADHD and dyslexia so was never going to be perfectly behaved, remember every ruler, pen etc (even when they were in his bag he couldn't find them) so was never going to get to go to the school disco.
Usually a lot of his fellow classmates would turn up in favour of going to the mates house than the school disco regardless of whether they had red cards or not

We don’t do this to adults. Once you’ve served your time the punishment is over

I wish this were the case, but sanctimonious idiots think that once you've done one thing wrong, you should be thrown onto the scrapheap.

Shop-lifted at 18 - well of course you shouldn't be allowed to be a teacher! What sort of character is being allowed to teach my child.

The DBS system needs fundamental reform in my view.

But to go back to the OP, I think there should be a way of earning back/cancelling out the red cards because otherwise, as someone said, you could do something wrong on day one of term and that's it. I don't think there's a correlation between behaving badly in class and at a disco either, they're two very different environments.

My take on this is that any child that gets a red card and the school allocates a detention for, that should be the end of the matter. If you decide to ground your child at home too, that is a private matter but getting back to how the school has dealt with it - why would they give a detention say at the start of the month and weeks later still have this red card hanging over someone (after they have served a detention for it and learned their lesson), meaning that the child can't attend a school organised disco/movie or whatever? That does seem like punishing the child twice by the school for the same offence, doesn't it?

We don’t do this to adults.

Sure we do! Adults with poor social skills and bad manners regularly get excluded from social events.

We don't do this to adults? Ever heard of DBs checks where employers get to see the records of people they are thinking of recruiting? Your son needs to learn that in real life you aren't naughty one week and get the slate wiped clean the next.

Your son needs to learn that in real life you aren't naughty one week and get the slate wiped clean the next

The in RL is referring to adults not children who are still developing.

Thank god this didn't happen at dc school. The school disco would have been empty.

56/64 diagnosed with some form of learning difficulties.

Thank god this didn't happen at dc school. The school disco would have been empty

Sounds like the school are getting plenty of assistance!

I'm with you OP. It's the schools procedure, he knew that, consequence, perhaps he won't do it again.

I also don't punish at home if school have already punished...but I'm soft like that.