Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this a bit creepy!

126 replies

Doctordid · 03/02/2018 09:16

I have a neighbour who shares our hallway. 'Bob' is 73.

I rarely see Bob due to work and him being with family so don't have a close relationship at all with him. Bob is fit and active, still works part time and has family who live locally so he's not making conversation because he is lonely or such.

When I do see Bob he regular makes comments about sex. Meh I'm not a fuddy duddy but...

Gems have been

'haven't you had a man since your ex, if you haven't it is unfair. We aren't all the same, If I was with you I would just want someone to cuddle in front of the TV with and have a fumble around on the bed but sex would be good too Shock)
If I was with you then I would want to keep our own flats and I wouldn't bother you it would be good if we could still have a fumble.
And various degrees about me and him having sex and how we would maintain the relationship ...

He also texts me to say I've heard you come in come round for a coffee etc as soon as I walk through the door.

Aibu to think you don't discuss scenarios of how you would have sex with your neighbour who had shown no signs of any interest!

The kids are teens and have overheard some of this and think it is hilarious and refer to him as my boyfriend little buggers Blush

OP posts:
Wdigin2this · 03/02/2018 10:03

Laugh at him, and say...in your dreams sunshine!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 03/02/2018 10:05

Yes, I agree with Anna, speak to his Son.
Don't allow Bob, to stop you, keep moving towards your door.
Do tell him his suggestions are inappropriate and offensive.

Hengine · 03/02/2018 10:05

Probably just a creep but losing awareness of boundaries can be a sign of dementia

OnTheRise · 03/02/2018 10:06

Tell him his comments aren't appropriate, and that if they continue you'll have to tell his son you're blocking his phone number. That might stop him. Creep.

ohfortuna · 03/02/2018 10:09

This guy is what 30, 40 years older than you?
How would he feel if he was 30 years old and a 70 year old woman started making it obvious that she was having sexual fantasies about him?

honeyroar · 03/02/2018 10:10

I think that you have to be blunt with him. If you laught it off with these men they think you're doing a girlish flirty giggle and take it as a positive. Next time say to him "will you pack it in with the stupid leery comments, I'm just your friend and neighbour, so I don't want to hear this. Then give him a chance, and finally ring his son if he persists.

Trailedanderror · 03/02/2018 10:11

How do you reply?

supersop60 · 03/02/2018 10:15

Agree with PP - shut him down.
I would point out though that Michael Douglas, Harrison Ford, Sylverster Stallone et al are all over 70.
Your neighbour sounds creepy and inappropriate tho, OP.

pictish · 03/02/2018 10:16

Oh look...just tell him for Christ sake!
“Bob, I’ve had a gutful of this now. I find your topic of conversation disturbing and highly inappropriate. If you’re being serious you need to get a grip on reality because it’s not going to happen. If it’s your idea of a joke, it’s very misguided and not funny in the least. You are making me extremely uncomfortable and it needs to stop. Is that clear?”

Jesus...you do not need to tolerate this guy making your the object of his sexual gratification just to be polite!

Footle · 03/02/2018 10:22

Telling his son is a good idea, but don't use it as a threat. Otherwise he may try to get his son on his side first, by accusing you of something.

ferntwist · 03/02/2018 10:24

YANBU. He is a total creep and needs to get lost. What a loser.

Rudgie47 · 03/02/2018 10:25

I'd block and if he starts up when you see him put your hand up in front of you and say you have had enough of this dirty talk and he has to stop it. Say if he doesnt then you will be complaining to the landlord and the Police as its sexual harrassment.
I Hope your o.k OP its really horrible. The dirty old bastard.

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 03/02/2018 10:27

If he is like this at 73, he was like that at 23 and 33 and so on. In his head he is still a young man and he hasn't changed.

This is simply not true. It might be the case - but it's really worth remembering that dementia all to often begins with loosened inhibitions - which often includes an obsession with sex.

Tell the son that you will be blocking his dad's phone number, and explain why.

BertrandRussell · 03/02/2018 10:39

Doesn’t matter how old he is. This is unacceptable behaviour. And sexual harassment. Send him one short text saying “Do not message me again or I will report you to the police”

Make sure you save all the texts he has sent you and write as accurate account as you can of the things he has said to you in person.

BertrandRussell · 03/02/2018 10:40

His age is immaterial.

bettytaghetti · 03/02/2018 10:44

I agree with Matilda. You say you've been neighbours for years; has he always been this way or has it recently started/increased in frequency? If so, let his son know what is happening. It could well be the onset of dementia

LemonShark · 03/02/2018 10:53

He's saying this stuff cos your previous reactions have shown him he can get away with it.

Start standing up for yourself. Next time he says anything say 'I've been meaning to talk to you about that actually, it's really inappropriate to hear you make sexual comments at me when we bump into each other and I need it to stop. Thanks' then walk away. You don't need to be extra polite or friendly or manage his response or try protect his feelings or worry how he'll take it. Your instinct will be to do that as you've got to a stage where YOU will feel you're being mean or making it awkward for putting a stop to his incredibly inappropriate comments. That may be a sign you need to think about your assertiveness and how you allow others to treat you as we're socialised as women to keep things all nicey nice and it's detrimental to us.

MountainsofMars · 03/02/2018 10:58

This is harassment and completely inappropriate - dementia or not. Close him down - practice your Medusa stare.

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 03/02/2018 11:00

If (and I'm only saying if) he has the start of dementia, no amount of 'Medusa stares' will make any difference.

The OP shouldn't have to put up with it. But it's possible (and I repeat, it's only a possibility), it's not the man's fault.

BertrandRussell · 03/02/2018 11:07

I do wish people wouldn’t talk about dementia the moment anyone over the age of about 40 is mentioned. It’s just ageist crap. This guy is a creep and he is harassing you. Police.

LemonShark · 03/02/2018 11:09

"BertrandRussell 🙌🏻

Emmageddon · 03/02/2018 11:15

I doubt it's the onset of dementia. He's probably always been a creep. In his head, he's charming and debonair and thinks it's only a matter of time before you succumb. I would put my hand up, and say stop right there, Bob, this is getting ridiculous. Then say no more. Restrict your conversations to good morning, good evening from now on, nothing more, don't ask him how he is, don't engage with him in any way.

pilatesofthecaribbean · 03/02/2018 11:19

It’s not overreaction or overkill, you recognise a creep when you see one (women learn to do this through bitter experience). Block him in every way. Being old doesn’t mean he isn’t a predator and potentially dangerous.

AngryAttackKittens · 03/02/2018 11:32

Why should OP care whether or not the behavior is the result of dementia? Makes no difference why he's doing it from her perspective, the only thing that needs to matter to her is that he stops.

ohfortuna · 03/02/2018 11:33

He also texts me to say I've heard you come in
Stalker behaviour 😒

Swipe left for the next trending thread