To pump or move to bottles..? Feeling sad and desperate

[igotdaboobies]

I don't know what to do... baby is 8days old and I have been breastfeeding so far but just really doubting whether I am doing so effectively.
Will try to be concise with background info:

Born via elective c section

Birth weight 9lb 8oz
Sent home from hospital feeding well on day 2

Readmitted day 3 after dreadful pain and bleeding from incision- wound was infected.

On IV antibiotics and stronger pain killers in hospital.

Had some excellent support with feeding from midwives in hospital as well as some awful, unhelpful nurses who said they couldn't do anything to help me other than get me a bottle. This is while I had a cannula in the back of my hand so really struggled with positioning while baby was screaming and I was getting really emotional. Cannula ended up being torn out by the way.

Baby weighed in hospital after I reminded them she was day 5 and she had lost 11% of birth weight.

I said she hadn't pooed in 3 days and midwife suggested my husband comes back (this was in the middle of the night) and take her to A and E because of this. Really worried by this point that something is wrong with my baby. Then midwife changed her mind and said that maybe it was okay because I was breastfeeding.

Put on a feeding plan to wake baby every 3 hours to get her to feed and used pump to then top up feeds with a cup. This was after doctor had suggested formula but I requested to try pump first.

Sent home again after infection markers had lowered and wound was okay and moved to oral antibiotics and paracetamol and ibuprofen.

Community midwife came day after I was home and said keep just feeding every three hours and we would see the next day if she was putting on weight.

Baby just been weighed and loss has now gone down to 10% so she put 1% back on in 2-3 days (since she was weighed in the middle of the night between day 5&6).

I have been doing the feeds every 3 hours. She can be difficult to wake up to feed- I change her nappy and sometimes strip her off to try to rouse her. She feeds for around an hour from both breasts before falling back to sleep. Sometimes she will feed for much longer- two hours and still seems unsatisfied. My husband went out yesterday morning and bought some formula to give a top up feed with a bottle, which she took without any problem and then fell asleep satisfied.

I don't know how to go forward. My husband would clearly advocate just moving to bottles full time, as would other friends and family who have said about it being easier, being able to see what the baby is getting etc - all valid and reasonable points.

Or do I buy a pump (and if so, which one?! They're not cheap!) and try to persevere with breastfeeding?

I forgot to add that with DD1, I tried and gave up after 3 days as it was too sore (turned out she had a tongue tie) so I really wanted to persevere this time.

I'm becoming really sad, stressed and emotional. I'm worried that my baby isn't getting enough nourishment and feel desperately guilty about that. Is it selfish to try to continue with the breast if this is the case?

Any advice would be much appreciated. Sorry this is so long!

Op

Please don’t let this get to you. I’ve been there.

It really is quite tricky to establish BF only no one tells you that. The weight drops and it makes you wonder why but it is totally normal to lose weight even in FF babies.

In your shoes because you had your heart set on BF I would still persevere with it but also when really in doubt about success offer a little formula.

Eventually you will learn the ropes of BF and so will your LO

However if you decide enough is enough it is ok to switch to formula completely.

My baby was big (bigger than yours even) and her weight went up and down for weeks. She really struggled to regain birth weight even though she hadn't lost much and had plenty of wet and dirty nappies. She dropped a percentile or two but has been steady on that ever since. If this is something you really want to do then I would perservere but definitely speak to a lactation consultant if nappies aren't sufficiently wet and dirty, as you probably know that is the best indication. Just make sure the midwives come back to weigh too.

Either option is good - and neither should carry any guilt. Take the advice of the midwife - if she thinks BF might work in the end (and it does take a little while to get there) then you have two options to choose from; if she thinks it is a non-starter because of your own health problems, then give her the bottle without a second thought or a moment of guilt.

I had a similar situation with my first - very problematical tail-end with thrombosed piles (in which one of the stitches was put! - after a forceps delivery) and a baby who did not suck well. Midwife was clear that bottle was needed, so that is what I did. It would not have been my first choice, but life does not always pan out as we might wish.

If it comes to bottle feeding, then hang on to the positives - OH can do night feeds and get more opportunity to bond with the babe.

It is a very emotional time I know and it is hard to stand back and just look at it practically and objectively, but this will pass and your babe will be fine either way.

Oh and mine wanted to feed solidly from 9pm to 2am pretty much. That carried on for a couple of weeks but was again normal and really boosted supply.

If you are going to get a pump get a hospital grade one and consider renting it. The medela symphony is good. You also need to drink a lot of water and it helped me a lot with my supply to eat plain oatmeal. I fed every two hours, 10mins each side. La leche will help you with this as timing recommendations have probably changed.

It's really hard BF after a Cs. I managed it only with my third and did it for a month, which I consider a success. It's super hard to do it but when you are sick after a CS it's infinitely harder. The other thing to remember about the weight loss of the baby is that when you have a CS they pump you full of fluid so the baby is also full of water. All three of my DC lost more than 10% in the first week and my first two were CS babies. With my 3rd the paediatrician didn't bat an eyelid at a 15% weight loss in 3 days. Said she considered it to be a 5% weight loss given the water weight from the CS.

Please remember that if you do have to move to formula, your little one has already had that vital colostrum; so well done for that.

Your baby your rules.

If you will feel better watching them use a bottle and formula, which will let others feed your new baby then go for it.

You have done the most needed bit already...

Happy baby , happy mummy...

Agree, see if you can get advice from someone who really understands it. I was in hospital with DD for a few days and I couldn't get the hang of it at all. DP had to squeeze out colostrum for me (not envy). Then a passing midwife noticed and was really blunt with me. She grabbed my breast and grabbed the baby and positioned everything correctly - the difference was unbelievable. She said, "feel that strong pull? That's what you're looking for!" And after that we managed to BF up to 16 months (when the little beast hit me, but that's another story). Without her, I'd have given up.

If you want to try pumping, don't mess around buying one - hire a hospital grade one (I used expressyourself and hired a medela pump). It got about 3 times as much milk out as the one I'd paid nearly £200 for in boots that did nothing!

The main thing is - whatever you end up doing, be it breastfeeding or pumping or formula, DON'T beat yourself up over it. You are only doing your best for you and your baby. There is no right or wrong way to do that, save for anything that makes you miserable.

• bit me, not hit me!!

Remember it is perfectly normal for babies to take a while to get back to their birth weight- if she is feeding well and peeing and pooing and putting on weight even if it is ting amounts those are all good signs.

I’d be a bit concerned about the every 3 hours thing though. Newborns usually feed much more often than that- what happens if you just put her to the breast more often then that? And (i’m she has but just in case) has she been checked for jaundice? Than can make new horns sleepy.

I'd say switch to ff - you and your baby don't need the stress right now, considering the very miniscule benefits of bf. good luck x

Every three hours probably isn’t often enough, only one of my 3 could manage intervals that long before 6 months. The more you feed the more milk your body will make.

Personally I’d choose formula over expressing. I expressed for my preemie for a month before he could breastfeed and it was awful. Felt like I was constantly either pumping or feeding or washing/sterilising round the clock. Breastfeeding can be equally non-stop but at least you can just sit and snuggle and watch tv.

Iv bf two and each one had to be completely stripped in the early days as they were so sleeping feeding. Also popping down on the changing mat wakes them up too. It's hard going the early days and feeds can take up to an hour

My dh gave a formula feed at 10/11pm at night so I could go.to bed after last feed and then up at 1

It doesn't need to be all or nothing. One ff feed at night by your dp then the test bf

Totally agree with @Allthewaves, I fell into the trap of thinking it was all or nothing but have lots of friends who did mixed feeding, topping up with formula when necessary, as long as the breast is always offered first and more breast than formula your supply should continue to grow (I think!!! Correct me if I'm wrong anyone!!) definitely get in touch with a breastfeeding counsellor IF it's what you want to do. No shame in formula feeding xx

It might be a good idea to supplement with formula if you’re worried but still want to carry on breastfeeding. Ask the community midwife or your GP to make a plan for you in terms of timing and whether it should be just one bottle a day and the rest breast feeding. See how it goes from there.

That’s what I was advised when my daughter was attached to my boob 24/7 yet always seemed to be hungry. I gave up breastfeeding after four months because I had severe mastitis three times. It’s not selfish to want to carry on breastfeeding as it’s natural to want to do your best for your baby but you need to take a step back and think what’s best for both of you. In retrospect I wish I’d given up sooner and switched to formula instead of making myself ill and going to hospital every five minutes.

Hope it helps...

I would switch to ff or combo feed without guilt. If you want to bf then pps have given lots of lovely advice but I think the main things here are 1. you getting better and 2. (equally important) baby getting fed and getting cuddles.

If you ff your partner can support you more and baby will be getting fed without the hassle. Well done on doing all the bf you have so far though!

I mixed fed my dc2 and it worked well but only do this if you want to as it tends to mean your milk will dwindle.

I would agree with the advice to seek expert help - la leche league and nct are great, you could also see if there is a breastfeeding clinic in your area where you can get one to one advice. There's also a website called kellymom which i have personally found very useful for advice.
If your baby is latched on and feeding for an hour or two at a time, that's great - she obviously what she wants so keep going if that's what you want to do. It's up to you whether you want to introduce bottles or formula - don't be pressured either way. Wishing you and baby all the best.

OP, where are you? If you are anywhere near North London I can put you in touch with the best BF support I've ever come across.

In any event, get help. LLL absolutely know what they're talking about. Get baby checked and double checked for TT. It's often missed. Get a councillor to look at the latch, that can make all the difference. Keep baby on the boob as much as you can, that's what builds up supply.

Please don't despair. It isn't all or nothing. A friend of mine successfully mixed fed and then dropped FF when BF was more established. At the same time, there's nothing in the world wrong with formula, if that's what works for you.

Congratulations on your baby.

Oh OP I went through something so similar 4 months ago- it was the hardest week of my life.

It’s such a personal decision, no one can tell you what the best option is.

I agree with PPs - it’s not either / or. While I was trying to establish feeding (doing the same endless gruelling 3 hour cycles containing feeds that take hours....shuddering just remembering it) I attempted to feed from breast, then gave expressed milk top up, then my husband feed formula milk while I expressed milk for the next feed. Then of course we had to sterilise everything. It took about 2 hours. Every three hours. Torture.

My advice if you stick with it:

1. Your only job for the next 6 weeks is feeding the baby. DP does everything else and brings you snacks and drinks because you are a Goddamn queen.

2. Formula can be one of the tools you use to keep breast feeding. Keep bubs growing strong until it all clicks

3. You matter too. The baby can only thrive if his Mum does. It’s ok to decide your body has been through enough.

I’m glad I stuck with it, because it is way easier than bottles when it all works. But only you can know what’s right for you.

Good luck OP

"Your only job for the next 6 weeks is feeding the baby. DP does everything else and brings you snacks and drinks because you are a Goddamn queen."

This ^^

I BF 4lb baby 24/7. He never went 3 hours between feeds for weeks & weeks.
He gained weight v. slowly.

Why don't you try BF on demand (I.e. as much as possible) for couple of days & if you are still struggling, switch to FF.

It's a bloody slog at this age; but if you can manage it, BF gets easier

Don't beat yourself up OP, my DD is nearly 7 weeks old now but pretty much the same thing happened to me. She was born 5lbs and also lost 11% of her bodyweight in 3 days. Midwife advised us to top up with formula and carry on breastfeeding.
Unfortunately breastfeeding just wasn't working for us though. The midwives at the hospital made me feel like such a failure and kept forcing her head on to my breast, so much so that I think it scared her and this was part of the reason she wouldn't latch.
In the end I did my own research and started pumping so I could mix feed but DD seemed to prefer the nice warm formula from the Tommee Tippee Perfect Prep machine so I gave in and she's exclusively formula fed now.

I'd definitely recommend speaking to a Breastfeeding Advisor firstly, my midwife put me in touch with one but if it's still not working, definitely try pumping. If that's not working, there's no shame in FF.

I found my hospital notes the other day and read the notes from the midwife about basically how crap I was at trying to breastfeed my baby. Even all these weeks later it made me super angry and I realised it ruined my newborn experience as I know I tried so hard! Once all the midwives/HV had stopped stressing me out, I enjoyed DD much more! Do what makes you and baby happy