To pump or move to bottles..? Feeling sad and desperate

[igotdaboobies]

I don't know what to do... baby is 8days old and I have been breastfeeding so far but just really doubting whether I am doing so effectively.
Will try to be concise with background info:

Born via elective c section

Birth weight 9lb 8oz
Sent home from hospital feeding well on day 2

Readmitted day 3 after dreadful pain and bleeding from incision- wound was infected.

On IV antibiotics and stronger pain killers in hospital.

Had some excellent support with feeding from midwives in hospital as well as some awful, unhelpful nurses who said they couldn't do anything to help me other than get me a bottle. This is while I had a cannula in the back of my hand so really struggled with positioning while baby was screaming and I was getting really emotional. Cannula ended up being torn out by the way.

Baby weighed in hospital after I reminded them she was day 5 and she had lost 11% of birth weight.

I said she hadn't pooed in 3 days and midwife suggested my husband comes back (this was in the middle of the night) and take her to A and E because of this. Really worried by this point that something is wrong with my baby. Then midwife changed her mind and said that maybe it was okay because I was breastfeeding.

Put on a feeding plan to wake baby every 3 hours to get her to feed and used pump to then top up feeds with a cup. This was after doctor had suggested formula but I requested to try pump first.

Sent home again after infection markers had lowered and wound was okay and moved to oral antibiotics and paracetamol and ibuprofen.

Community midwife came day after I was home and said keep just feeding every three hours and we would see the next day if she was putting on weight.

Baby just been weighed and loss has now gone down to 10% so she put 1% back on in 2-3 days (since she was weighed in the middle of the night between day 5&6).

I have been doing the feeds every 3 hours. She can be difficult to wake up to feed- I change her nappy and sometimes strip her off to try to rouse her. She feeds for around an hour from both breasts before falling back to sleep. Sometimes she will feed for much longer- two hours and still seems unsatisfied. My husband went out yesterday morning and bought some formula to give a top up feed with a bottle, which she took without any problem and then fell asleep satisfied.

I don't know how to go forward. My husband would clearly advocate just moving to bottles full time, as would other friends and family who have said about it being easier, being able to see what the baby is getting etc - all valid and reasonable points.

Or do I buy a pump (and if so, which one?! They're not cheap!) and try to persevere with breastfeeding?

I forgot to add that with DD1, I tried and gave up after 3 days as it was too sore (turned out she had a tongue tie) so I really wanted to persevere this time.

I'm becoming really sad, stressed and emotional. I'm worried that my baby isn't getting enough nourishment and feel desperately guilty about that. Is it selfish to try to continue with the breast if this is the case?

Any advice would be much appreciated. Sorry this is so long!

Ours is a 12 days today and no Bath here yet. Giving it longer. Topping and tailing though, of course.

So, a little update!

The midwife has been to weigh her and she's put on 10oz! Hooray!

I feel so much better and relieved!

She also echoed the sentiments of this thread about not having to be all or nothing, can always move back to EBF when I'm feeling well again myself and how she's all for breast but more for happy mums.

Had a lovely visit from two of my best friends as well so that's really cheered me up too.

Good news all round

Well done!

@igotdaboobies I feel for you, I really do. I bf my DS for 3.5mths and he gradually dropped further and further off the bottom 0.4th centile line on the growth chart (despite putting on weight each week). We had struggled with feeding initially (I had to stay in hospital for 3 nights until we finally got a decent latch). He was also difficult to wake to feed etc. I went to bf consultants etc for latch checks about 5 times and was told it was okay. We were doing ff top ups and one day DS refused bf anymore and just took ff. He flew up the growth charts and is now 50th centile.

I just wish a health professional had said earlier than I should switch to formula.

Expressing is a pain in the arse and you've tried bf. As they always say, fed is best!

I'm not saying you have to switch, but if you want to, that's okay. No one will criticise and I even found the bf consultant helpful in giving me instructions on how to stop bf without getting mastitis.

That's brilliant! She is absolutely adorable and you sound so much happier. I pumped and bottle fed but never managed to establish on the breast feeding as DS simply wouldn't latch. So the fact you're managing the latch and everything is brilliant. It sounds like it's all working out really well for you, so glad to hear it.

Oh that's brilliant, what a champion your baby is and well done on making a great choice. I'm a huge fan of combo feeding (or any other method really as long as the baby is fed). If you'd like to move to BF only and if it works for you and your baby, you can transition to that once her present immediate weight issues are solved. But it's entirely your choice and whatever works and results in a fed baby is a great choice.

To whoever unthread said formula makes babies comatose - what a ridiculous untrue and entirely unhelpful comment. I hear an awful lot of negative bull about formula, almost always from parents who have not formula fed. I wonder why you'd come on a thread where the mother says she is feeling sad and desperate and the baby is showing clear indications of hunger and say such a thing.

Anyway best wishes OP to you and your gorgeous baby.

God I went through just want you went through. Trying to bf after a section, unable to produce enough milk, finding it difficult to get a good latch. When you ask for help people make it sound as if it should just be so easy and you must be doing something wrong, or something like eat oats 🙄 or see a lactating specialist, as if there's one just around every corner.

I bought a pump and spent the first 7 weeks of my babies life pumping, offering breast, offering formula. It was hell on earth. One day I made the decision to give just formula and it was like a massive weight had lifted. I could enjoy my baby instead of praying he would sleep so I could pump.

Now I look at him, 9 months old, healthy and thriving and think what was I worried about. I get quite annoyed at people with an agenda pushing mums to keep breastfeeding when they are clearly unhappy, telling them not to offer formula to build supply when their babies are hungry, putting the blame onto the mums when it just wasn't ever going to work out.

There are plenty of benefits to formula but nobody ever mentions them. When you go back to work your baby will take a bottle in nursery. They'll sleep longer at night. You'll know they're being adequately nourished instead of thinking they are and getting a shock at the weighing clinic. You won't get mastitis. You don't have to waste time pumping. So if you want to give formula just go for it.

And as for formula fed babies being put into a comatose sleep - I take it you've never had a FF baby! You have discredited the rest of your post with that nonsense.

Yay, good for you OP. & Your baby is gorgeous!

Gorgeous baby 😍