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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What lies does your ex tell people about you?

124 replies

Doctordid · 02/02/2018 07:53

I'm evil apparently.
I left him in thousands of pounds worth of debt and about to be evicted.
He tells this to his mates, anyone we jointly know, his family, strangers and the doctor (apparently)

In reality the reason we were in debt is that he kept walking out of jobs lying they had laid him off or leaving because they made him do something he felt beneath him because he wanted to game all day and my wage alone wasn't enough to manage on.

He has been paying £5 a month off in debt.
I have paid thousands off because he's never worked since I left and I have.
I've finished paying off a £££s loan for stuff that is still in his house and he definitely wasn't about to be evicted as housing benefit accidently made a payment of nearly 2k to his landlord after I left and his landlord doesn't have to pay it back but I do.

Funnily his fiance prior to me also left him in debt and 'emptied him out'

His new girlfriend has recently told me she's been told all about me.

Knob

OP posts:

Frequency · 02/02/2018 09:01

I left him in loads of debt and refuse to let him see the children.

The reality? We were in debt because he spent all "his" (family money was always his) money on holidays and alcohol and so anything the children needed such as food and shoes had to be paid for on credit cards. And I didn't leave him. He threw me onto the streets in the middle of the night because he didn't like me pulling him on the fact that he was pissed when he was supposed to be in sole charge of the children. The children begged to come with me because he was pissed and behaving aggressively.

He later threw our ten year old out onto the street during contact. It was 11pm on a Saturday night. She refused to see him with no encouragement from me after that.

Crocusqueen · 02/02/2018 09:02

Oh, I'm completely mad too. Off my rocker. Mentally disturbed, that's me. Strange how I've managed to hold down a responsible job and maintain fulfilling adult relationships, but there you go. I'm good enough to raise the kids he never sees, mind you. And to pay for them, because he sure as hell doesn't

4teensandababy · 02/02/2018 09:08

Another Psycho here who took all his money and is very very unreasonable.
Truth: He had no money because he owed thousands in payday loans and drug dealers (none of which I knew when we got together - he could charm the pants off anyone) He also tried it on with a 16 year old girl who I knew (He was 30 at the time).

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 02/02/2018 09:08

I’m a slag apparently. And an alcoholic. I’ve been abusive to him. I’ve battered my kids. I only went into refuge to get a council house. I’m a gold digger as well. Oh and lazy he did everything for them kids apparently. While being at work. And struggling to tell the social worker their dates of birth(!) their favourite dinners and what they like to play with.

Everything has been proven wrong either in court or simply by my actions. People that know me know the truth that’s all that matters.

A word of advice to any woman embarking on a relationship with a man who slags off his ex specifically the ones who use words like “mental and abusive”. Not saying it isn’t true ever but it’s often not like that at all. Just saying.

Roomba · 02/02/2018 09:09

That I'm a mentally abusive crazy woman (projection, much?). That I had a drug problem (took prescribed cocodamol a few times a week for a few weeks, he was an alcoholic, so again - projection). That DS2 probably wasn't his as we 'never' had sex (never = 2 or 3 times a week). That I was a lazy bitch who refused to work at all (he was a 'self employed' cocklodger. I'd worked FT since leaving uni and was doing a PGCE with a young baby!).

Funnily enough, the people who told me he'd said these things were immediately able to see he was fill of shit and were laughing at how ridiculous he sounded. I couldn't give the smallest shit what he says about me tbh.

hungryhippo90 · 02/02/2018 09:10

The lies I knew of;
I made him have sex with me so he could see DD.
I trapped him with conceiving DD- in fact he was the one who admitted putting holes in condoms.
That I tried to change DDs name on her birth certificate to a mans name who didn’t even share the same nationality (man didn’t even exist in my life)
That I was a neglectful mum and DD was unwashed and slept on the floor- NEVER.
That he had been overpaying child support- again not true, he hardly even paid CSA.
That I had been hitting DD- sad truth was that was happening in his own home, not mine.
Oh I also had a dog who shit all over my house and garden which I didn’t pick up after- no dog and lived in a high rise flat at the time.
He had to pick DD up and take care of her cos I was paraletic drunk- funnily enough I didn’t drink at all at the time due to my dad being an alcoholic.
Oh and I was controlling and physically abusive.

People still see me 10/11/12/13/14 years on and cant stand the sight of me. Instead of facing up to being a Piece of shit who was just as bad a partner as father.

Still fucks me off to this day but I can’t change it.

mustbemad17 · 02/02/2018 09:11

Ooh i like this thread!
So, apparently I got pregnant to trap him - he was living in a shared house with no job & no money 🤔

Then it was that I deliberately got pregnant & shut him out because I wanted to be a single mum - yet until DD was 6 months old he had a key to come & see her whenever he wanted.

That I was controlling & kept him from his mates (aka dealers) - he was projecting, it was him who was violent & controlling.

That I refused mediation & contact centres for him to see his daughter because i'm a psychopath - he never showed 😂

I got off lightly tho, the lies he tells about his ex wife & his elder daughter are far worse.

YouTheCat · 02/02/2018 09:12

Mine told anyone who would listen that I left him because of the internet which was bollocks. I left him because he was a lying arse who is an alcoholic and frequently let me and his children down. He also told my then teenaged dd that I owed him thousands of pounds which was utter wank. It was the other way around. He owed (and still does though I know I'll never see a penny) me thousands that I'd loaned him for his business that he ran into the ground because of his drinking. He made himself out to be some major provider when, fact, I worked too and looked after two children with additional needs (one of them with very severe autism). I paid for pretty much everything and he drank what was left.

I still have to see him every week as we visit our ds, who's in residential care. However, he knows I won't take any of his bullshit anymore.

Recently, he told our dd (23 with Aspergers and MH issues) that he might have cancer which was a complete fabrication. He's often at the doctors. There is nothing wrong with him apart from back problems and raised cholesterol. He doesn't work. He was fired from his last job for stealing which he tried to justify as they owed him money (so he says).

Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman · 02/02/2018 09:13

Exh told my dc I was a prostitute. And that their half siblings weren't real siblings. And that their newborn brother had club feet as my punishment for being evil.

GetShitDone · 02/02/2018 09:13

Op, I hope you told his new girlfriend not to worry, he'll be saying the same things about her once she wises up to him... May like he did about the girlfriend before you..

I suspect my ex blames me for his debt too. In reality his debt, which was down to his not working, was circa 1,000 when I left. Its now closer to 40k. Not my doing! (unless you count no longer being there to make sure the finances didn't get messed up as my fault...)

AlexaAmbidextra · 02/02/2018 09:14

Well, not these days but when it first happened how I begged him not to leave as I still loved him.

YouTheCat · 02/02/2018 09:15

He was also an emotionally abusive, gaslighting twat.

Mooey89 · 02/02/2018 09:16

YY to the bad luck these poor men have
Not only was I an abusive psycho, so was the girlfriend before me and the one before that was so crazy that moved HERSELF in and out her name on the bills even though THEY WERE NEVER TOGETHER

RedPanda2 · 02/02/2018 09:16

PoorYorick
Came here to write this! I never believe in the crazy ex-girlfriend trope any more, mainly due to threads like this!

NewYearNiki · 02/02/2018 09:17

No idea. He cheated on me though. I wonder if he lies about that

handyforpicnics · 02/02/2018 09:18

What lies does my exH tell? Any he can think of. He's a moron.

Pompom42 · 02/02/2018 09:19

I met a lovely lady around here when I had my second daughter. When my EXH bumped into her husband in the street he told him that all I ever did was spend all the money, that he thinks I’ve had a lesbian affair and I’ve had sex with countless men! My friends husband then told her and she didn’t mention it to me for around 9 Months before she did. I was mortified that she was thinking these things were true about me all this time and I asked her why she hadn’t told me. I was bloody fuming inside.

mustbemad17 · 02/02/2018 09:20

YouTheCat my ex played the cancer card too. I got a message off him 18 months after no contact telling me he was going to die & he was desperate to see our DD one last time. I put some rules in play & he didn't like them, so no contact. Three years down the line he's still, sadly, very much alive after having a benign mole removed off his arm 🙄

Ct17218 · 02/02/2018 09:20

I took mine EXh on an expensive £3000 trip for his 30th and left him while we were out there. Came home, tried to be reasonable with him. He moved back in with his family. I kept the flat as it was mine, which I turn meant I kept all the bills. I gave him £2000 that we had in savings so he could put a deposit and a few months upfront rent down on his own place. Instead he spent it on booze, drugs food and clothing. He took my laptop and left me his broken one. Put rumours everywhere that I was s cheating whore, when actually I left him because he was emotionally blackmailing me with his self harm, and drinking and taking drugs constantly and I was putting more in than I was getting out.

He got a new girlfriend pretty fast who I had mutual friends with. They recently split and the new ex bumped into my friend on a night out, and just said “why didn’t you tell me what he was like?!”
My friends was like would you have believed the friend of the ex wife!

The truth comes out in the end!!

Imverypleasedtomeetyou · 02/02/2018 09:21

I'm another that left ex in debt! WE didn't have any debt!! I had debt because despite me earning £20k and him £50k I had to pay half of everything

BornInALighthouse · 02/02/2018 09:21

That I cheated on him (with the two married men who very kindly gave me a lift home from work ). I suppose it made him feel better about introducing his new gf to everyone the day after he dumped me...by text. What a catch he was.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/02/2018 09:23

His new girlfriend has recently told me she's been told all about me.

She will learn the hard way.

bibliomania · 02/02/2018 09:23

I wish I knew. I've met perfectly nice people who know him and not me and they give me horrified looks. No idea what they've been told, and I'm kind of amused by it at this point.

Earlier this month he stood up at a big national conference and gave a speech about how men of his ethnicity are unfairly denied relationships with their dcs due to discrimination. He actually cancelled contact with dd in order to go and give the speech, and refused my offer to reschedule on the grounds that I didn't reply to his email promptly enough (he could have rescheduled to any weekend, I didn't say "you must have her this minute or else not at all").

Notallthat · 02/02/2018 09:24

That I was abusive to him and used his mental health against him and that I don't allow him to see his children. Conveniently forgets its the court that doesn't let him see his children because he is a liar and a psychopath and tried to kill us.

sassymuffin · 02/02/2018 09:24

Oh my awful ex could have been nominated for the Jackanory storyteller of the year award if there was such a thing:

That I was in the middle of a mental health crisis. He even printed out a two page document on the affect of low serotonin levels and sent it to my solicitor - I was actually the happiest I had ever been to be free of him.

That I was a heartless bitch who left him in £1000's of debt when he had deliberately run up debt on his credit card to try to skew the financial settlement in his favour.

That I was an unfit mother, I am most definitely not.

That I was a prostitute and my partner was paying me for sex - I am most definitely not.

That I had made him homeless when I sold the marital home from under him and "ran off" with all of the money - He didn't mention that while he was on remand in prison and after his 4 years of refusing to sell the former marital home a court order was issued for the sale of the property and that he had a big fat cheque of 60% of the equity waiting for him. I had also arranged for all of his possessions to be stored at his brothers.

That when I met and moved in with my lovely partner I was placing my children at risk of sexual abuse by exposing them to a step parent relationship - he also printed off some fathers 4 justice article in support of this and again sent it to my solicitor.

That I was selling material that could be used to rearm weapons on eBay - I sold some carbide inserts that are used in engineering when a family friends business closed down - even the judge stared at him in disbelief at this accusation.

Funnily enough after his many lies caught up with him and he was exposed as being a vile individual in the local press he disappeared never to be seen again about 10 years ago.

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