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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I have shared?

439 replies

werkwerkwerk · 01/02/2018 14:08

I've name changed for this as it is very outing!

Basically, I work in a small office with 2 other ladies doing the admin etc, for a local business. I have been there, full time, for just over 3 years, the 2nd works part time and has been there for almost 1 year and the 3rd is a new starter, still on probation.

We don't socialise outside of work and I wouldn't say we were particularly friendly.

For Christmas, the 3 of us were given a bottle of prosecco, a box of chocolates and a scratch card.

My scratch card was a winner! £25k winner.

I was over the moon! I've had a tough few years financially and this really couldn't have come at a better time. The money paid off a few bills and the rest will be used as a deposit on my very own little house (as soon as I find it!) I'm very excited!

After new year, I invited the 2 ladies I work with out for a champane afternoon tea in a swanky hotel and then we went for manicures and pedicures. All my treat.

This morning, I was taken into the office by the owner of the business and told that the other ladies have asked him to speak to me regarding the winnings, as they feel it should be shared 3 ways. And my boss agrees as he feels that my winning has caused a bad vibe in the office.

AIBU by not sharing? I'll be honest and say that the thought of sharing with them never even crossed my mind and I still have no intention of doing so, but I just wanted to get some other opinions...

OP posts:
Original poster
werkwerkwerk · 01/02/2018 19:01

To be honest, I don't care if this gets picked up by the DM, I honestly don't think I've done anything wrong.

I only want the meeting so I can say my piece to everyone at the same time and then hopefully everyone can move past it.

I'm not going to pretend the money has already been spent or that I won on a different scratch card, why should I have to lie?

This money has changed my life - without it, I would never be able to put a deposit down on a small house - and I realise I am very lucky!

OP posts:
littlepooch · 01/02/2018 19:02

I wouldn't have shared. I probably wouldn't have told them I'd won in the first place but hindsight is a wonderful thing.
I wouldn't have even taken them for tea if I'm honest but I'm a cow like that - you've been really nice in doing that for them.
I'm actually amazed your boss even asked you - he/she should have told your colleagues no and that it wasn't for him or her to interfere.

Tell them no. And if it's too awkward then just say you've spent the money on bills and that it's gone. Tough luck.

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 01/02/2018 19:02

God no, I wouldn’t have shared. If I’d have been one of the colleagues I would be slightly envious but I would have enjoyed the champagne lunch and thought no more of it. Cheeky fuckers!

AuntFidgetWonkhamStrongNajork · 01/02/2018 19:03

I dare you to go to the meeting tomorrow with another 3 scratchcards Grin

TacoFlavouredKisses · 01/02/2018 19:05

why should I have to lie?

You shouldn't, but if you love your job and don't want the tension to continue it's a quick and easy way to shut it all down? Money's gone, nothing to share, the end.

MiniAlphaBravo · 01/02/2018 19:06

To be honest I think you shouldn't have taken them for the afternoon tea, even though it was a nice thing to do. They may now see you as a soft touch and think they can more out of you.
I would just keep saying the same thing, 'this is a personal matter, has nothing to do with work and I will not be discussing it any further. The money is my personal property and as such has nothing to do with anyone other than me'.

RedDogsBeg · 01/02/2018 19:06

You definitely haven't done anything wrong, OP.

Don't apologise or justify yourself you have nothing to justify or apologise for. Your colleagues and boss should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves but I doubt they will be.

Teddy275 · 01/02/2018 19:07

Wow! Congrats on your win!

I'm not sure if it helps but I know of an admin team who won 150k on the lottery (or something similar)
7 out of 9 employees were in the syndicate, the 2 who were not (and had always refused to join as it was a 'waste of money') put in an official complaint that the money had not been shared 9 ways - not sure of the exact reasoning but the word 'discrimination' was used. A lot.
Their boss basically told them that if they weren't happy with the arrangement to find a new job and told the other employees not to give them even a penny!

Goldmonday · 01/02/2018 19:07

I wouldn't have told anyone as it's obvious that people will always get pent up and pathetic over these things.

They are your winnings, say you have spent them, put them away for DC, invested them whatever. You have no obligation to share.

Gottagetmoving · 01/02/2018 19:07

Show your boss this thread Grin
You shouldn't have to leave...but if your boss makes it awkward for you then sue for constructive/unfair dismissal.

Ikanon · 01/02/2018 19:10

YANBU. Luck was in your side. Tough shit for them!

CoffeenoTea · 01/02/2018 19:12

Your mistake was tell them and giving them a taste of the money. Just be honest and say it had been "spent" on a house deposit. I would also point out that if they had won I doubt they would have shared or you would have scratched them all together surely? Also said at the time or it should have been stipulated it was a condition to share. Can't believe they are asking tbh.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 01/02/2018 19:12

Your boss has overly stepped the mark, he should have advised your colleagues that it was your win and something he could not get involved with, if you feel you have to leave because of the behaviour, I’d say you had a good cause for a employment tribunal.

I hope it learns your boss a lesson don’t buy scratch cards as gift, as in this exact situation it has caused jealousy and animosity!

Florallee · 01/02/2018 19:16

Ahhh, OP. You should have kept quiet 😊

margaritasbythesea · 01/02/2018 19:17

A family member if mine won 40 grand and gave her parents 400quid. Now I did think that was mean as they had sacrificed a Lot for her.

You, OP, however ANBU.

Yawnyprawn · 01/02/2018 19:24

No you shouldn't have to share! You won it fair and square. Tough luck to them.

MummytoCSJH · 01/02/2018 19:31

I can't believe they think you owe them anything. Why would you?! Absolutely ridiculous!! And even worse that the boss has gotten involved Hmm

Tistheseason17 · 01/02/2018 19:32

If you worked with me I'd be so pleased and excited for you. Disappointed I was not given the gift bag with the winning ticket but chuffed that you took me for afternoon tea and a pedi- a trily kind gesture.

It's the boss who cocked up in doing this. She should have set up a written agreement that if one of the cards wins more than £5k it should be shared 3 ways. But, she didn't and it's your boss that is shitting themself and putting pressure on you to solve their problem.

How others handle your good fortune is their problem. Sleep easy knowing you've been kind and generous and it's YOUR money Grin

stickytoffeevodka · 01/02/2018 19:34

The mistake was "treating" them to a fancy dinner with champagne. It's a bit "haha, look what I can afford to do and you can't".

I know you probably didn't mean it like that but it does come across a bit like you're rubbing it in.

robertaplumkin · 01/02/2018 19:36

bugger that i'd leave the job before giving up a house deposit.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 01/02/2018 19:36

Teddy275 Good on that boss! It’s not discrimination at all; they had the chance to put in and they always refused to.

They have no right to make a claim to the money when they didn’t put in. Cheeky fuckers.

grannytomine · 01/02/2018 19:38

margaritasbythesea that does seem tight unless the parents were very comfortably off.

LoveProsecco · 01/02/2018 19:40

Congrats OP! Morally you are entirely in the right Smile

FlashTheSloth · 01/02/2018 19:40

I don't think repeatedly telling the OP that she shouldn't have told them or shouldn't have treated them is helpful, it's already done.

I hope you give it to them straight in the meeting OP. Don't give them the opportunity to ask questions or challenge you. Walk in, make a statement, then leave.

chickenowner · 01/02/2018 19:42

I dare you to go to the meeting tomorrow with another 3 scratchcards

This made me spit out my tea!